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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make him come home?

62 replies

FedUpFreda17 · 22/12/2017 14:49

DS (11) is usually very good but very forgetful (although he always seems to remember to take his sweets, meet his friends on time etc!). Just recently he has forgotten to give food in for the food bank despite many reminders and in the end it was too late. He had it in his bag for over a week and just never handed it in to his teacher. He forgot to give in money for a charity event-didn’t spend it, just kept it in his pocket till it was too late.

Today, despite me telling him over and over and over, he forgot to give his gift to his teacher. He’s at high school and should be able to remember things which are important for others and not just for himself. He’s out with his friends after finishing at lunchtime today, at the park for a long-planned afternoon of fun. I’m really annoyed he’s just admitted on the phone not handing the gift in, and feel like asking him to come home.

Too harsh? He does struggle with friendships for various reasons so I do feel it’s important to enjoy this event as he’s been invited but i’m quite annoyed at his thoughtlessness.

What would you do?

OP posts:
FlakeBook · 22/12/2017 14:50

Make him go back to school, find teacher and give the gift?

Original poster
FedUpFreda17 · 22/12/2017 14:51

They’ve all left now so too late for that-would have definitely done that though!

OP posts:
Psychobabble123 · 22/12/2017 14:51

Sorry missing the point but a present for the teacher at 11?! Confused blimey!

He's definitely old enough for responsibility and if he's too bloody lazy to hand stuff in I'd definitely be calling him out on it.

kateclarke · 22/12/2017 14:53

I totally understand where you’re coming from.

However, won’t it just encourage him to start lieing to you if you do that?

PinkHeart5914 · 22/12/2017 14:55

Do secondary school dc still do teachers Gifts? I would of been embrassed at that age if mummy said I had to give the teacher a gift tbh and I know their is no way my nephew would want to.

I would not ask him to come home because he didn’t give the teacher the gift as I think that is too harsh. His 11, It’s Christmas and he wants to be with his friends to have fun as dc should

Tinselistacky · 22/12/2017 14:56

Suggest he uses his school planner to keep a to do list!

Pinky333777 · 22/12/2017 14:57

Find a way to help him remember stuff he's not interested in.
A white board for his room?
A reminder on his mobile?
I wouldn't punish forgetfulness x

Hatsoffdear · 22/12/2017 15:03

None of my 5 kids would have been caught dead giving a teacher a gift at 11!!! Ffs that would be hugely embarrassing. He’s not 5!!!

The rest is normal pre teen teen behaviour. Their brains are overloaded with hormones.

Cut him some slack and relax or you will find the real teenage years a nightmare

Reallytired17 · 22/12/2017 15:05

Tbh I am similar. Will write out Christmas cards, forget to give them out, and so on.

Hatsoffdear · 22/12/2017 15:07

can you not imagine the piss taking he would get at 11 giving teacher a gift mummy got for her?? Bloody hell. You might as well stick a ‘kick me’ sign on his back

Capelin · 22/12/2017 15:08

I think, especially as he struggles socially, I wouldn’t make him come home.

rightknockered · 22/12/2017 15:10

I would just let him have his afternoon in the park, be with his friends and help him to find a way to remember to get things done. It's human to forget stuff when other things are on your mind.

becotide · 22/12/2017 15:11

COnsider the impact of the embarrassment of being the only kid to have to gve a git toa teacher he might not even like. Combine that with the generalised embarrassmrnt of being eleven.

Cut him some slack and why don't you treat him a little less like a small child and more like a teenager, and he might surprise you and grow into it!

Julie8008 · 22/12/2017 15:13

What is it with parents buying teachers gifts? If the parent want to give the teacher a gift why drag the DC into? Its unfair to punish the child just because you have some desire to give a stranger presents.

Its secondary school if the DC wants to adorn teacher with present for just doing their job, they can. If they dont they shouldn't be forced to.

HotelEuphoria · 22/12/2017 15:15

You don't give gifts to teachers when they are at high school.

speakout · 22/12/2017 15:16

None of that would bother me in the slightest OP.

Typical 11 year old behaviour.

And a gift for teacher at 11 is beyond cheesy.

HotelEuphoria · 22/12/2017 15:16

posted too soon, I bet he didn't give the gift because his mates would take the piss.

Namechangetempissue · 22/12/2017 15:17

My daughter has severe dyspraxia and really struggles to remember things. She has lost countless PE kits, books, swim kits, letters...I feel your pain. She genuinely can't help it and is really upset afterwards. We have a system now where I text her at points during the day to remind her of things needed to do, and she has a reminders list on her PC screen. It seems to have helped (she is 12).
I agree with the teachers gift thing though, that may have been a deliberate forget to avoid the horror!!

maddiemookins16mum · 22/12/2017 15:17

Maybe he's not 'forgetting', it could be he feels self conscious.

Hatsoffdear · 22/12/2017 15:19

Exactly Hotel I would have taken the piss at 11 and I know my kids would too. Sorry op you need to stop thinking of him as a little boy. He really isn’t

Rossigigi · 22/12/2017 15:21

OMG my kids would die if they were made to give a gift to their teacher at high school!
Gift giving to teachers is not done past primary school. It never was when I was in school either!

I just showed this to my 13 & 18 year old boys and they roared with laughter and said 'he's done it so he doesn't get picked on, he has sense' OP take note!

Peachyking000 · 22/12/2017 15:23

Surprised at the responses about presents! My DS is 11 and gladly gave his teacher a present yesterday, as did most of the other kids in his class.

I’d try to make him remember to do these things, eg if he is inconvenienced by having to go back and give it in, he’s more likely to remember next time.

Rossigigi · 22/12/2017 15:24

And OP my kids are what other kids call 'the class swots' and they wouldn't be caught dead doing that

WasDoingFine · 22/12/2017 15:27

I take a gift in for my ds1 age 14yrs one to one as he has ASD and can be VERY hard work. But he wouldn't do it as he'd be too embarrassed

userabcname · 22/12/2017 15:29

Woah! As a secondary school teacher, I can confirm that we very much do receive gifts! I get Christmas presents from my tutor group every year, I often get chocolates around Easter, year 11s and year 13s usually bring in thank you cards and gifts on leaving days and I received lots of cards and presents when I went off for maternity leave! It's not strange at all!! Certainly in no school I've ever taught at.