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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect my Husband/Birth Partner to not get pissed?!

52 replies

scampichips · 22/12/2017 00:59

I'm 36 weeks pregnant. Husband went out for a "few drinks" with his mates, which I had no problem with. Apart from the fact he has just rocked in now completely pissed.
When I told him I wasn't happy he was getting so drunk close to due date he just gave me a barrage of abuse saying I'm being selfish and everything is always about me, and he should be entitled to get drunk with his friends over Christmas. This is my first pregnancy and all I want is a sober birth partner! I know I am 4 weeks away from my due date but 36 weeks is full term right?! AIBU??

OP posts:

RedPandaMama · 22/12/2017 01:01

That's selfish of him. DP pretty much stopped drinking after 32 weeks and even then he was never drunk, just one or two. On the 2 occasions he did drink more than that (and therefore wouldn't have been able to drive me to the hospital had labour started) we stayed with my parents.

ZigZagandDustin · 22/12/2017 01:03

Mine just this second has rocked up drunk and I'm 36 weeks. I have no issue with it. I know he's sober up in a heartbeat if I did go into labour suddenly (highly unlikely) and we'd just grab a taxi to hospital. But his response to you was way out of line. Is he usually so abusive? Doesn't sound great to be honest.

On the drinking it's not something I'd get too worried about especially at 36 weeks.

Wineasaurous · 22/12/2017 01:04

YABU.
You can't expect life to pause until you have the baby. If you were around you're due date then I'd say YANBU but you're 4 weeks away and not even full term yet. A bit of an overreaction I feel. And I'm someone who went into spontaneous labour at 34 weeks at Christmas.

RemainOptimistic · 22/12/2017 01:08

It's normal to be feeling like you want your partner to be around more in pregnancy especially the later stages! And to be sober obviously. Is he normally abusive when drunk? Does he drink a lot? Often?

No one is "entitled" to do anything, especially when it negatively impacts their partner. Pretty childish attitude.

Rhynswynd · 22/12/2017 01:12

36 weeks wouldn't bother me and hasn't. My dh was out a 4 weeks ago for his work do and got plastered. I am now 40 weeks and we have been close to home and he has been sober for last 3 weeks just in case.
However he would never have spoken to me in that manner.

Original poster

scampichips · 22/12/2017 01:14

I am happy for him to have a few drinks in the evening, and if we have to get a taxi to the hospital then so be it, but I mean he is completely off his face right now! He won't remember any of this in the morning. If I did go into spontaneous labour then I don't think I'd even be able to wake him up!!
I don't understand why he just can't go out and have a few drinks, why does he feel the need to get sooo drunk?!
No he's never normally abusive and came in and tried to kiss me, it's only because I was angry at him that he retaliated.

OP posts:

Wineasaurous · 22/12/2017 01:18

Believe me, they sober up pretty quickly when it all happens. And if can take a long time so he'd likely have time to sober up.
I remember feeling anxious when I thought about the Christmas season because, although I wouldn't begrudge anyone there last hurrah night out before their life is flipped upside down with a baby, I was a bit worried 'what if'. I basically told DH that if he was out then I would go to my mums just in case and my dad would come get him. Do you have other people around you if you needed them?

gluteustothemaximus · 22/12/2017 01:22

DH didn’t drink from around 35 weeks. I didn’t have to ask him, he just did it.

He’s being the selfish arse here, not you. And speaking to you like that is wrong.

Original poster

scampichips · 22/12/2017 01:22

I don't have anyone around, which makes me more anxious. I live in his hometown and my family are miles and miles away so it's either have him as my birth partner or do it alone! My parents are staying for a few days over Christmas but apart from that it's literally just me and DH.

OP posts:

gluteustothemaximus · 22/12/2017 01:39

Even worse then, he shouldn’t need to be asked. It’s not difficult to not get pissed. Maybe chat to him tomorrow about it when he’s sober.

Skowvegas · 22/12/2017 02:33

It's a one off because of Christmas? I don't see the problem. You're not really that close to your due date.

If it's something he does all the time I'd be annoyed.

JessYouMe · 22/12/2017 03:08

I went into labour bang on 36 weeks so I'd be really annoyed at this too. My husband wouldn't have dreamed of getting wasted when I was that far along just in case!

WhoAteAllthePercyPigs · 22/12/2017 03:39

YANBU. I'm another one who went into labour at 36 weeks, it's a very real possibility at your stage! And yes, it may well be Christmas and he thinks he's due a 'last hurrah'...but what about you? You've been carrying his child for the last 8 months without drinking, and you're managing fine! Surely he can give the festive binge drinking a miss for this year?

That said, if he hasn't got form for being like this then I'm inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt and wonder if he's got so pissed because he's worried about the birth and becoming a dad. Could be there was a lot of peer pressure to get that tanked up- usually is this time of year. Then he snapped because he feels rightly guilty, and being drunk is never going to result in a calm and mature response.

I'm absolutely not defending his actions as it's a crappy thing to do. Just trying to give some perspective.

Hope he's extremely apologetic come the morning, and will make it up to you.

ethelfleda · 22/12/2017 05:38

YANBU OP. DH stopped drinking at 34 weeks (his choice) when I was pregnant. It's both just Labour but what if you needed to visit a hospital for any other baby related reason?? It wouldn't hurt him to refrain from getting this wankered for a few weeks!

Snugglywithmycat17 · 22/12/2017 05:49

I can see it from both points of view.
I understand how vulnerable u are at the moment and need him to be there for u but it’s xmas and honestly he’s unlikely to get out at all in the first few months of having a baby. Give him his freedom before he looses it. Do u have a neighbour u could ask for help if needed it? Xx

awifeyforlifey · 22/12/2017 05:50

My personal experience was that my DH chose to stop drinking altogether when we found out I was pregnant, so not much help there I'm afraid. But to answer your question, I think he is being unreasonable to upset you over something like that while you're pregnant. Unless it's something important, it's just not worth it over a few drinks.

Situp · 22/12/2017 05:55

Did you say something before he went out?

FireCracker2 · 22/12/2017 06:09

You're not due yet.calm down!

Ansumpasty · 22/12/2017 06:11

YABU, it could be another 6 weeks yet.

kaytee87 · 22/12/2017 06:12

37 weeks is full term.

I heavily hinted to dh I'd rather he didn't drink once I was full term and he didn't. I think it was more an anxious / nesting / wanting to feel safe thing rather than actively worrying about going into labour and him driving me.
Had you mentioned to your dh before he went out that you'd rather he didn't get drunk? He may have no idea how you're feeling.

Shmithecat · 22/12/2017 06:15

YABU. My dh and I weren't even in the same country at 36 weeks. It's Xmas. You could be pregnant for another 6 weeks yet.

Shoxfordian · 22/12/2017 06:24

Yabu

There's no harm in a few too many drinks at christmas and you can get a taxi if you need to but you're still 4 weeks from your due date.

outofmydepth45 · 22/12/2017 06:46

He wasn't very thoughtful but let it go it's not worth falling out about he probably saw it as he last night of freedom (some people go a little mad).

You might not have a baby until Feburary !

Notreallyarsed · 22/12/2017 06:55

I had both my boys at 36 weeks. XH was pissed constantly, thankfully not for the birth because he’d already been chucked out of hospital at another time for being drunk and obnoxious.
DP didn’t drink while I was pregnant with DD or DS2, his choice.

Ilovetolurk · 22/12/2017 07:03

YABU

It’s Christmas hence the Big Night Out ( unless he does this every week)

The percentage likelihood of spontaneous labour by 36 weeks is in the low single figures

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