Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To expect my Husband/Birth Partner to not get pissed?!

52 replies

scampichips · 22/12/2017 00:59

I'm 36 weeks pregnant. Husband went out for a "few drinks" with his mates, which I had no problem with. Apart from the fact he has just rocked in now completely pissed.
When I told him I wasn't happy he was getting so drunk close to due date he just gave me a barrage of abuse saying I'm being selfish and everything is always about me, and he should be entitled to get drunk with his friends over Christmas. This is my first pregnancy and all I want is a sober birth partner! I know I am 4 weeks away from my due date but 36 weeks is full term right?! AIBU??

OP posts:

dertyyuoih2 · 22/12/2017 07:23

He shouldn’t have given you a barrage of abuse, however did you come across as all naggy? It’s easy too in pregnancy and forget that everything else doesn’t stop during pregnancy.
I had no issues at all with DH going out if he wanted, he actually worked away a lot and was unreachable for times due to the nature of his work. I was quite realistic the chances of going into labour and have the baby there and then are super slim. There would always be a few hours give before even going to hospital.
This was true, my waters slowly went about 10am. I didn’t go into hospital until contractions were full blown at 3am next morning.

fitbitbore · 22/12/2017 07:27

Yabu people still have to enjoy themselves and your weeks away from giving birth. Give him a break!!!

Herculesfan · 22/12/2017 07:29

My OH and one of the other NCT lads went out and got really drunk when we were about 38 weeks. It backfired on him a little as I had a 7am appt at the hospital the following morning which he came with me to and I ended up being admitted so his hangover happened entirely in the hospital.

PineappleScrunchie · 22/12/2017 07:34

Were you naggy ffs

God forbid his life should be impacted in any way by the impending arrival of his new child!

Paperdoll16 · 22/12/2017 07:36

It's not just about labour. Your waters could have broken, you could have had an unprovoked bleed, your baby could have stopped moving etc etc all reasons you could have needed to go in to be seen.

If your DH was sitting there 'off his face' as a midwife, I probably would have security remove someone so drunk from the ward.

so YANBU for needing him not to be so utterly pissed OR to be made to feel it's all about you OR to be told you're over reacting on here just because it's unlikely you'll go into labour that evening.

I hope he apologises this morning..

Notso · 22/12/2017 07:36

I think your being a bit U.

Waitingonasmile · 22/12/2017 07:40

I can understand you being anxious incase something happens. I had DS1 at 35 weeks and DH was out the country. However, it's Christmas and it's very unlikely anything will happen any time soon. You could potentially be pregnant for almost another 6 weeks.

Someoneasdumbasthis · 22/12/2017 07:42

Yeah you're being U and a bit PFB but that's totally understandable as it's your first child so you're going to feel more anxious. I was due Boxing Day with DS1. We had Christmas at home just the two of us. DH had a few glasses of wine but certainly wasn't pissed. I think from about 38 weeks he knocked all the serious Christmas drinking on the head.

Try and relax. 36 weeks is pretty rare. You'll be fine.

Justanothernameonthepage · 22/12/2017 07:48

A couple of drinks fine (and OP said she was happy with a couple). But getting drunk and verbally abusive to his heavily pregnant wife is not on.
When he sobers up, you need to have a talk.
Has he any more nights planned? If so (or if he's the type to spontaneously go out drinking), look at other options
This could be looking at alternative birth partners (friend/family staying with you), moving back home or hiring a doula if money allows.

But talk to your midwife if it happens again.

ethelfleda · 22/12/2017 07:49

Paperdoll finally, a sensible post!!

falange · 22/12/2017 07:50

Yabu. You're 36 weeks. It's Christmas. There is nothing wrong with him getting drunk on one night.

rollingonariver · 22/12/2017 07:53

Yes I think he is being selfish. I hate all the 'he just wanted a drink', well you could sit home for nine months without getting pissed ?
I think you should see if you can get a 'just in case' Doula. I said to my DP he wasn't going to be there if he was drunk, they are there to support you give birth. Luckily they then get to see the beauty of their child being born, that's a secondary thing though. They're there for you and if he's drunk he can't do that.

Ilovetolurk · 22/12/2017 07:53

This could be looking at alternative birth partners (friend/family staying with you), moving back home or hiring a doula if money allows

I’m sorry but this fucking hilarious

Annamadrigal · 22/12/2017 07:59

You are and you aren't tbh! It would be nice if he hadn't have got trashed, but equally chances are you won't go into labour.
My DH and I went out fir a last hurrah before baby was born when i was 36 weeks and DH got drunk with intention of stopping after that. I then went into labour on night out (I obviously wasn't drinking btw!) By the time DS was actually born DH had sobered up and was still great birth partner.

I think it is more that you want him to be on board with your concerns which is completely fair

PotteringAlong · 22/12/2017 08:03

36 weeks isn’t full term. Most people are still at work at 36 weeks so assuming labour isn’t imminent. As a one off I think you’re being unreasonable here.

wowbutter · 22/12/2017 08:06

I'm nearly 30 weeks and if I could, I'd be out on the lash until 1am. My DH has been out twice in the last week, and has a huge civic event planned for New Years as well where he will be out until 2/3am. I'm not going to go int labour, and if I did, I'll cope until he sobers up.

You are not full term.
You did not go into labour.
If you did, it would likely take a long time and he would sober up.
Life can't stop.
Try and calm down and relax a bit.
Had you been in early labour and he went out and did that, yes, he is being very unreasonable. Truth is, you are not. And are unlikely to be anytime soon.

swingofthings · 22/12/2017 08:08

He was right to celebrate when it is likely to be the last time in some time. He wanted to make the best of it. The chances of you going into labour, with your first kids, 4 weeks early, when you had no signs that told you you might be in labour were low. Give the guy a break. He is right that it's not because you're pregnant that the world should stop.

Agerbilatemycardigan · 22/12/2017 08:14

The drinking wouldn't bother me, but his attitude would. Of course things are about you, you're carrying his child. If he resents this, what will he be like when a baby's the centre of attention I wonder?

10storeylovesong · 22/12/2017 08:29

For all those saying that you would have time for him to sober up... my waters broke suddenly with no signs of prelabour, contractions started while in the car on the way to hospital and were 3 mins apart, I was 6cm at arrival and baby arrived 4 hours later. If DH had had a couple of drinks he probably could have coped. If he'd been leathered he'd have struggled. You don't know how your labour will go.

TwiceAsNice22 · 22/12/2017 08:30

I can't believe some of the comments ... "were you naggy?" - seriously, so what if you were! That doesn't mean its ok for him to verbally abuse you! YANBU. Lots of people have their babies at that stage (I did). And lots of fathers to be go out and have a few drinks without getting so drunk they verbally abuse their pregnant partner.

Was this a one off? If he has form for this, I would think about your options. My ex got drunk throughout my pregnancy and it continued after our twins were born. And the stress of dealing with drunken behaviour when dealing with tiny babies was awful.

turtletum · 22/12/2017 08:35

Yanbu!! I had reduced movements at 36 weeks and had to go straight to hospital. I'd not be impressed if OH was raging drunk. Having some xmas drinks is fine, which is what you've said too. But getting hammered doesn't seem very responsible to me. My oh often felt guilty about going on nights out, even though I was fine with that, but we never get into a state.
Yes it's Xmas but I dont understand the need to get so messy. I'm not understanding all the yabu responses. You will both be parents soon and that comes with responsibilities. Yes you might not give birth for another 6 weeks but you could go into labour tomorrow. Either possibility is just as likely. And as others have said, there may be other complications that need immediate hospital admission. No fun when you're relying on a drunk person for support! Have a calm chat when he's sobered up.

Original poster

scampichips · 22/12/2017 09:45

Thanks everyone, seems to be mixed views! He left to go to work this morning and we didn't speak so will chat tonight. I don't think he's planned anymore nights out, but then last night was just meant to be a few impromptu drinks so who knows!

It's really difficult being this stage on with pregnancy over Christmas and New Year. He's not someone who gets hammered regularly, but does have a few drinks at home most evenings, which is fine as he is still completely with it and would be able to sober up quickly should he need to. He was really nasty though last night which is pretty out of character, so will have to put it down to the booze.

OP posts:

Justanothernameonthepage · 22/12/2017 09:47

Ilovetolurk
So your sensible solution if it turns out he plans to continue on nights out is?
If he's planning on going out throughout Christmas and New year and coming back too drunk to assist if needed (anything from early labour to complications). She should what? Just hope it all turns out ok? Rely on neighbours? Sit anxiously, increasing her stress levels until an uber arrives?
She might not have the money for a doula - but if he's planning on going out again, having a friend stay over might keep her feeling that someone cares. And if he's got lots of nights lined up, then staying with family and taking the chance of labour at a different hospital is better than waiting for an uber/taxi alone.

sinceyouask · 22/12/2017 09:49

He's being totally selfish. I'm at the responses saying it's you who is being unreasonable.

LittleWingSoul · 22/12/2017 10:03

There was a thread on the pregnancy board the other day where a pregnant lady wanted her DP to cut put booze, fags, cured meat, soft cheese etc etc whilst on holiday for a week... I was surprised at how unanimously the responses were saying it wasn't fair on DP. Don't really feel this scenario is too different, but people are saying OP is not BU over one night of drinking!

You've still got a while to go OP. I'm 38 weeks and it hasn't even crossed my mind to stop DH drinking over Christmas. From my previous experience, it can be a long wait at the end (got to 42 weeks with my DS!) and I'd have felt a bit silly imposing all these rules so early on.

I hope you don't have to wait to 42 weeks but practically, until you are term I wouldn't worry. DH could be at work in a meeting and uncontactable for an hour then there could be delays or traffic on way home... potentially 3 hours to get home if I spontaneously went into labour?

Flip

1 2 3

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.