My 2 year old loves Mummy more then Mama!

[2mammas]

My two year old daughter has started to shun me in favour of my wife. I gave birth to her and also took the first year off with her so I thought we'd have a super close bond. My wife is a more cheerful and happy person by nature but I also end up taking more than my fair share of the discipline and making sure she eats right and has manners etc. My wife lets her get away with more!
I'm gutted now when she wakes in the night and I go in and she shouts "No Mama! Want Mummy!".
What can I do? Is it normal? I know it's normal for Dad's but for mums too?
Help please! I feel so bad... my wife also feels bad as she sees that it upsets me

I dont know about your specific dynamic but its quite normal for them to swing between parents. Although I resented it when it first happened in reality I want us both to have a strong bond and to be able to parent together.

2 things: Children are fickle and everything is a phase.

The trick is resilience and consistency. Next month you’ll be favoured again.

Yep. It comes and goes and it's never fair!

Lots of kids go through a wanting one parent only phase.

Be as kind as usual and wait fo r the phase to pass. Don't take it personally.

Lots of kids go through a phase where they prefer one parent to another. I doubt the sex of the parents matters.

My son went through a phase of nanny worship - I'm ashamed to admit I cried on more than one occasion about it. Now he's a big mamas boy again, but no doubt it'll change to someone else soon.

I think this is totally normal, and also totally normal for you and your wife to find it upsetting. Your dd probably thinks you may be more strict with her and that's why she is showing a preference, or she may just be going through a contrary stage.

Try not to react negatively if you can and she will probably grow out of doing this very soon. I think most parents have slightly different approaches to discipline and that's no bad thing, but you might want to chat to your wife about how you both manage different situations to see if you are very different, and if so try and meet in the middle a little bit more.

Our friend/family circle has a two mum family and they do have different styles. Their little boy clearly loves both his mums dearly, even though one is the more 'fun' mum and the other takes more of a head of household type role.

So you're the "eat your greens" parent and your DW is the "fun" parent - this is no different to any other two parent family IME. She loves you both and in 6 months time you'll be the favoured one, don't read too much into it x

In July we bought our twins two Guinea Pigs. A month later my 10 year old daughter tells me 'its not that I love Leo (Guinea Pig) more than you, it's probably the same at the moment. If it changes, it's not yourvfault, it's because I can look after him and he is cuter' I thanked her for letting me know and then elbowed my DH in the ribs as he was quieyly pissing himself.

It's not a contest. Don't feel sad. Your DD has a capacity to love but she is two. They are willful at that age. It's normal. It will change back and forth until you are both traded in for a rodent.

Yes it's normal for them to prefer one parent over the other. As others said it's just a phase, so don't worry :) I did the disciplin, the feeding and 80% of the work but I'm more cheerful and up-beat compared to my OH and DS always preferred me from the get go. And would make statements like you said when OH would walk into the room.

I know it can be hard, don't take it to heart. Maybe try and be a little more up-beat around her and see if that makes a difference? But if it doesn't, please don't be down about it. It's completely normal and she will grow out of it

My DS went through a phase of saying he loved Daddy more after his Daddy and I separated. It hurt but I never let him see this, and reassured him that it was fine and that I loved him more than anything in the world.

Years later he told me he used to be afraid I'd stop loving him, so he was testing me by seeing if I rejected him when he said he loved his daddy more.

Whatever the reason behind this, the best approach IMO is to make to big deal of it and give plenty of reassurance as and when required.

Honestly, do not worry. I have three DC and they go from one to the other often, it's nothing you've done and can't be prevented. Eventually you do learn to brush it off and roll with it :)

Sorry that should have said NOT to make a big deal of it!

Why isn't your wife stepping up and doing her share of the discliping? Does awe not care if the child has manners or not? Why does it all fall to you?

How much disciplining are you doing with a two year old?
It is completely normal for children to sway in their affection (and have no compunction telling you) or even play you off against each other.
But it does sound like you could try to have fun a bit more.

Kids are fickle as fuck
You will be flavour of the month again next week... don't worry and try not to take offence when it happens again

What kind of manners does a two year old have anyway? As long as they don’t bite or hit, surely two years can’t be expected to have much in the way of manners!

i too am the discipline parent, the one who makes sure they eat and do homework and don't watch too much tv. Both my children clearly adore their father more as he comes home and plays with them and never disciplines them, but when they're tired or hungry they come running to me as they know I'm the one who's going to sort it for them.

Children often treat worse the parent that they are most secure of and feel able to take for granted

It will change back and forth until you are both traded in for a rodent.

That ^.

I would enjoy getting a full night's sleep and letting my partner get up in the middle of the night Trust me it will change again xx

When I say 'discipline', I mean 'don't throw food at the dinner table' and 'don't hit the dog'. My wife steers away from the issue and distracts her instead whereas I think she should know that what she is doing isn't acceptable and why... I'm not an arse about it though.
Also, I think my parents went through this but I do actually think I'm way more connected to my mum than my dad and I fear this will happen with us. I want to be more fun and relaxed but I also want our little girl to grow up well mannered and knowing what is right and what isn't...

They all do it to some extent. Sometimes they swing between them, sometimes they do get on better due to personality/interests with one parent. That doesn't mean they love them more, just they will choose to talk/do things with one more than the other.

I was told by one of mine that they loved me nearly as much as their favourite soft toy. They thought this was a compliment.

We're single sex parents too and have exactly the same issue, with me being the preferred parent and DP the rejected one. (I'm currently at home with DD, and also the 'eat your greens' parent, though that's not yet put her off).

It's SO hard, for all the reasons you describe. DP was terribly upset when it started. I was upset on her behalf, but also a bit exhausted myself because DD is extremely clingy towards me and I really don't ever get a moment.

I think it's definitely harder when you're two mums because you both have expectations that you'll have a mum role, so it's really painful when one of you gets slightly relegated.

Something that actually helped us was when DD and I got sick at the same time, so DP had to do a lot of the caring for DD. It was a very bonding time for them and things have been better since then.