My 2 year old loves Mummy more then Mama!

[2mammas]

My two year old daughter has started to shun me in favour of my wife. I gave birth to her and also took the first year off with her so I thought we'd have a super close bond. My wife is a more cheerful and happy person by nature but I also end up taking more than my fair share of the discipline and making sure she eats right and has manners etc. My wife lets her get away with more!
I'm gutted now when she wakes in the night and I go in and she shouts "No Mama! Want Mummy!".
What can I do? Is it normal? I know it's normal for Dad's but for mums too?
Help please! I feel so bad... my wife also feels bad as she sees that it upsets me

perfectly normal and absolutely awful when you go through it - for the first time.

On the second and third you'll be encouraging an interest in the other parent so you don't get the call in the middle of the night.

Your dd loves you. Don't worry. We all go through this.

But as I gave birth, I thought she'd love me more!! I actually feel embarrassed to admit that. And also happy that she loves her other mummy so much.

Well done to you admitting this. TBH I think a lot of us who gave birth think this. Which is why it is so hard when you are rejected. But I think it is a normal part of a child's development - testing boundaries with the 2 parents, making sure each loves her/responds to her completely.

So you're the "eat your greens" parent and your DW is the "fun" parent - this is no different to any other two parent family IME. She loves you both and in 6 months time you'll be the favoured one, don't read too much into it x

This.

As PPs said 2 year olds are fickle! I’m currently favourite parent in our house, my reward is having to get up at least twice a night as 2 year old DS2 has decided he wants company and will scream the house down and wake his brother if his Daddy dares enter the room instead of me! DH isn’t bothered in the slightest, he’s just enjoying the sleep!

At 2 I was the distractor parent DP was the no parent. She still loved daddy more

I'm favoured at the moment - more jobs for me !

It is all a reaction test they want to know your love is unconditional.

My Dh is in same position as you at the moment, but with him it's because of shift work and inconsistency on when she sees him. I am always there for bed time at least. Over past few days he's had more time with her and she finally let him comfort her when she fell, rather than coming to me.
Do you find the dynamic change s when visiting family too, we've noticed it's no mummy and want gran gran...

Totally normal. I carried and birthed my son. Still bfing and cosleeping 2 years in. 99.9% of all the daily parenting done by me. But daddy is a fucking rockstar 🙄

At that age my daughter wanted Daddy more than me. Although I was back in work part time, she spent more of the week with me.

He was more concerned about it than me. I always got a lovely welcome when I picked her up from playgroup or parents so new she loved me. I was happy to take full advantage if she only wanted Daddy at 3am, and went back to bed. :)

After a while it changes again, and again..

At age 2 it makes far more sense to distract children and tell them what you DO want them to do than to tell them what NOT to do.

Another chipping in to say it's totally normal.

DH and I are both bombed out st the moment. The only person our 3yo loves is DS18. Apparently he's the "bestest bestest person ever ever" - which is amusing given she had a mega melt down in September because he looked at her!

We also had a time with DS8 when Ali from nursery was the bees knees and we were rubbish because we wouldn't let Ali come and live with us.

I used to work in a department store. Sometimes i would be in the toy section. Daddy was favoured because on Saturday, nice daddy would buy a toy for a child, come the weekdays and the mum would walk through the toy section and the poor child could not understand why mummy would not buy them a toy!

I bet the children lived for Saturday!!!

OP this way lies madness! Try not to take it personally or look out for 'favourites'. She needs both of you. Beware of falling into good cop bad cop parenting. You should be doing equal shares of the fun stuff and creating consistent boundaries.

Developmentally this is totally normal. She needs to branch out beyond the primary attachment now that she's not a baby. My DC were very closely attached to me (primary carer) until age 3 when suddenly daddy became very important. Kids need their primary carer intensely to start with but things can't stay like that forever. Look at those early years as a privilege, but not one that you can hang on to.

To echo what most people said... It'll be a phase. I went through a couple of months of feeling a bit rejected, but it's a pretty even playing field now. A lot of the time he loves nothing more than us both being around.

My DC firmly prefer daddy little arseholes. I put it down to them being more used to me being around and him being more of a novelty. They're more fussed with me when I've been out for a long period which seems to confirm it.

Having said that, they also always need to have a conversation or a request urgently with whichever parent is currently on the loo even if the other parent was in the same room as them.

DD has spent the last 4 and a half years as a mummy's girl, I'm not sure why, she absolutely adored DH but just always wanted me for everything! Recently there has been a definite shift in her behaviour, I feel like she's leaning at a more 50/50 situation just depending on her mood but she definitely wants him to take her to bed more than me which I admit is the one thing that does actually hurt my heart, pathetic I know!!! I'm hoping that will even out too soon. I think it's just a normal thing to happen.

I'm the discipline parent through the young years but as dc are getting older dh is stepping in and disciplining over stuff I wouldn't and I seem to be the more chilled one. It's been a very strange transition. Teen years I think I'll be chief negotiator between 3 dds and their df!

Agree that it's much more developmentally appropriate to say what to do than what not to do. Eg we use gentle hands (with the dog) or we keep food on our plates at the table. Don't ignore behaviour either, just let her know what she should be doing. No need to praise effusively either, she will learn by watching what you do. I also found the Division of Responsibility really helpful re eating so it's no longer a disciplinary issue with our 2 year old. There is a facebook group called Mealtime hostage which follows D o R principles. Ahaparenting.com is an excellent resource on positive toddler discipline.

I think it is totally normal but must be hard on you at the moment especially as you carried her. I think another poster was onto something when she talked about expecting the traditional mum role and relationship. But, even when you have that they still find ways to push your buttons.

When my little girl was about 10 months we had a family photo shoot. She refused to go anywhere near me- no cuddles. She’d scream if I tried to hold her. We’ve got some beautiful pictures of her with her dad and none with me. It broke my heart that she seemed to hate me so much that day when I’d previously been the favourite and I was still on mat leave doing the bulk of the work. A few days later she was all over me and has swapped affections fairly consistently since then. It’s amazing how emotionally manipulative they can be from such an early age!

DS2 is 6 and has spent his whole life adoring DH far more than he adores me. We're still close and loving but I know in a stressful situation or an emergency he'd go to his Daddy.

I've never given it much thought, but I think if we didn't have DS1 (who is an absolute Mummy's boy even at 12) I'd probably find it much harder.

Thank you all so much for your comments. I'm going to put suggestions into practice and also try to do more of the 'fun' stuff with her. I've been super busy recently and it feels like I'm always trying to rush her along. I need to allow the time it takes for an independent two year old to put her own gloves on!
I'm feeling much more positive... thanks guys 😊

Don't worry, when she is a teenager she will have days when she can't stand the sight of either of you, so it all evens out in the end.