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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To Thinkif you walk behind me in the dark you deserve to be stabbed a bit...

81 replies

Bonesinthechocolate · 21/12/2017 19:16

I’m a bit ruffled.

I was walking down a cut through back towards my house with my dogs last night when I heard footsteps behind me that were pretty fast and catching up to me.

I glimpsed a bloke I didn’t know dresses in dark clothes walking briskly towards me, so I ignored him and carried on. My dogs stopped for a wee so I figured this guy would go passed me, but he didn’t. He stopped and waited for me to start walking again. At this point, I took my keys from my pocket and put my stabbiest one between my knuckles with the thought that if he did jump
me, I could at least break the skin and get some DNA for the police (I realise this is a fucked up train of thought, I listen to A LOT of true crime podcasts)

Anyway, I started walking again and he got really close, so I stopped and turned around pretending the dogs had stopped to wee again and looked him straight in the face. He stopped as well and there was a definite ‘moment’, then he turned around and walked back the way he had come

When I got home I called 101 and reported it immediately in the same words as above pretty much, and the woman on the line said that in future, don’t use your keys as protection because you can get in trouble for using a weapon I said frankly, if someone was about to rape/ murder me and my keys were my only fighting chance, I’d probably risk it.

She’s talking bollocks, right?

Also, I’m fine after the incident. I was shaken but I’m sensible enough to understand one weirdo doesn’t make the world unsafe forever.

OP posts:

x2boys · 21/12/2017 19:45

Yep Ross we were always taught as a three man team with the lead person doing all the talking we were so taught breakaway techniques though.

MycatsaPirate · 21/12/2017 19:51

I always carry keys in my pocket if I'm walking alone at night. And a lighter. Not entirely sure what I'd do with a lighter but it's there.

Years ago someone taught me a brilliant way to get out of a headlock.

So if someone comes up behind you and puts their arm around your neck pulling you back, you aren't actually trapped. You turn your head to the side and duck down while shoving your elbow into their balls. Do it in one movement. It works. The minute you turn your head you free up space to escape. Don't try and pull their arm away, it's a waste of energy.

AngelsSins · 21/12/2017 19:53

Eugh, that's awful, I hope you're ok.

I think some men really get of on scaring women. I had the same not too long ago (wonder if it was the same guy, north London?). I was walking home, with my (thankfully large) dog. Noticed a guy ahead of me in the middle of the road, just standing there. As I went passed, he then finished crossing so that he joined the path just behind me. It's like he held off crossing the whole way so that he could get behind.

He was really walking very close, so when my dog stopped to pee, I stopped and stepped to the side so he could go past, but instead he stopped too. It was daylight so I wasn't too worried, but then he started muttering that he was going to kill me. I managed to cross the road at just the right moment, meaning he had to stay behind on the curb and wait for traffic to pass. I lived on a street at the other side of the road so sort of hid out of view so he wouldn't be able to tell which way I went once the traffic had cleared.

Anyway, I looked back and he had spotted me and was standing still watching me. Fucking creepy as hell.

A few weeks later, same guy, in the exact same place, again half way through crossing, waited until I was in front, started walking behind me. Again, my dog stopped to sniff something or whatever, so I stopped and this time turned to face him. He'd stopped behind me again, so very aggressively I shouted at him "you can go past me you know?". He gave me the creepiest grin but then walked past. I really think he got off on it.

ToadOfSadness · 21/12/2017 19:53

He might have been about to steal your dog/dogs and not interested in you. Just a thought for the future.

Lweji · 21/12/2017 19:53

I agree that I'd use whatever I needed to defend myself and worry about the details later.
(I've held my keys like that because of exH before)

In any case, I've had Krav Maga self-defense classes and you can learn useful techniques. Because if you don't know what to do, holding a weapon won't help at all.

Original poster

Bonesinthechocolate · 21/12/2017 19:54

I figured it was probably a grey area and honestly I really am fine!

I don’t know if they took it seriously, but I feel like I’ve done my bit and reported it, I can’t do anything else.

OP posts:

FullOfXmasCheerOfCourse · 21/12/2017 19:55

Years ago the police used to give out that advice, or maybe it was rape crisis - to use your keys to defend yourself. Doesn't the law say that you can use something that is carried purely to be a weapon so keys are OK but a can of pepper spray isn't?

LazyDailyMailJournos · 21/12/2017 20:01

I don't give a shit what the law says. If someone grabs me I'll do whatever the hell I need to, and worry about bullshit lectures about 'permissible self defence measures' after the fact.

Battleax · 21/12/2017 20:03

Doesn't the law say that you can use something that is carried purely to be a weapon so keys are OK but a can of pepper spray isn't?

That's what I always understood.

It sounds like the nitpicking was over "preparing to use the everyday item as a weapon before an attack". But really, sod that. Who wouldn't do the same if they felt under threat?

museumum · 21/12/2017 20:06

I would never tell the police I had deliberately got my keys out as a weapon.
Always say they were just in your hand.

Cherrycokewinning · 21/12/2017 20:09

I think most women do the key thing but realistically you’re not going to hurt an att jar when a door key rammed between your knuckles.

The situation sounds really scary op

Cherrycokewinning · 21/12/2017 20:10

I think most women do the key thing but realistically you’re not going to hurt an attacker with a door key rammed between your knuckles.

The situation sounds really scary op

RestingGrinchFace · 21/12/2017 20:11

You can just say that you thought you saw a knife in his hand (easy mistake to make) so you grabbed your keys in self defence. If he is armed with a stabby thing and so are you then that is 100% covered by reasonable self defence.

PinkyBlunder · 21/12/2017 20:16

It’s sort of bollocks, it’s sort of not. This is how my ex-copper DH explains it to me:

So you CAN use reasonable force which means if the man had grabbed you and tried to assault you, you could stab him with your keys to get him off and run away.

You CANT stab someone with your keys for following you and if they haven’t laid a hand on you.

‘Reasonable force’ is the key (pun not intended )

Rossigigi · 21/12/2017 20:22

x2boys yes breakaway techniques always form part of physics intervention training. I'm trained in 3 different forms, and techniques do vary between the accrediting organisation. As much as I'd love to say that they all work- in an outside environment they are not always as effective- this is based on fear, adrenaline so fight and flight etc.
But I go back to- use what ever you have too. Be that something you've learnt or something you have to hand. It may not sit well within the law, but as a few pp have pointed out, the CPS would be unlikely to follow through if it was based on you doing it to protect yourself whilst being attacked.
I think though part of the grey area and I believe it's been mentioned is the 'did you do it before your were attacked' or 'did you do it whilst being attacked' so for safety or was it premeditated.
I do think though, and many may not agree, is that personal safety techniques should be taught in schools, for both boys and girls. Along with first aid. I think they are two life skills that can save lives.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 21/12/2017 20:44

Pinky fair enough you can't stab someone for following you, but there is a power under common law to deliver a pre-emptive strike if you honestly and reasonably believe you are about to be attacked. Same principle that would have enabled your DP to handcuff detainees without waiting till they actually thumped him

DiseasesOfTheSheep · 21/12/2017 20:52

In this situation, my dog - who is usually a complete pudding - would position himself between me and Mr Lurker and bark his head off. He might even be incited to throwing himself at someone if they were to touch me. I'm not convinced this makes him an offensive weapon...

I'd happily use keys as my second line of defence, legal or otherwise.

ivykaty44 · 21/12/2017 20:57

Typical police focusing on the victim or victim tone

Get burgers and police talk about what the victim “did” to get robbed - no a burglar chooses to rob not the victim

A pedestrian gets knocked down on pavement and killed but wasn’t wearing hi viz - victim blaming

Society is full of

Blame the victim for the crime

Any wonder crimes go unreported

QuestionableMouse · 21/12/2017 20:59

Don't use your keys like that. There's a real chance you break your hand.

MrsAJ27 · 21/12/2017 21:19

Thats awful and I am glad u got home safely!

When I was in middle school we had the police in to talk about personal safety and we were told to walk in the middle of the road (obvs not on the main road) with the longest/ sharpest key between our knuckles so that we can protect ourselves if something bad happened...and I still follow that advice to this day!

UnderTheDesk · 21/12/2017 21:32

Yes, don't use your keys like that, as a PP said. If someone attacks you, you want to aim for their eyes or up their nose with the key, you won't hurt them enough to get away otherwise.

putdownyourphone · 21/12/2017 21:42

Would you rather:

A) be raped or murdered
B) get a bollocking from the feds for punching an attacker in the face with a key

I would be tempted to ask the 101 call centre operator what she would recommend you did.

parquet · 21/12/2017 22:57

For what it's worth, I was attacked in the hallway of my own building by two guys who followed me in. I stopped at the post box to let them past as my sixth sense told me something wasn't right, then one of them grabbed me from behind and covered my mouth, while the other pinned me to the ground. I fended them off with the keys I had in my had, stabbing the guy's hand that covered my mouth. Who knows what would have happened if not...

The police treated me as the victim and didn't reprimand me at all for the use of my keys as self-defense. I strongly recommend it.

TheFSMisreal · 21/12/2017 23:06

The poor guy probably thought you were threatening him

Original poster

Bonesinthechocolate · 21/12/2017 23:59

misreal

The guy followed me, gaining speed until he was less than a foot from me. I could smell him he was so close. I stopped and turned for all he knew because my dogs had stopped for a wee and he ended up stepping back because he was so close we’d have been nose to nose if he didn’t.

My thought process for stopping and looking at him was that he was catching up to me anyway and if I ran, that would escalate the situation rather than de-escalate, so I figured if I did the opposite thing to what my instinct was saying, it would be unexpected and probably startle him for long enough for me to jab him in the face with my keys. Plan B was to let go of the dogs leads, throw my keys in his face and run. They aren’t great attack dogs but they are hairy road blocks and would probably get in his way enough before they ran after me to allow me to get home before he caught up. Anyway, it didn’t come to that because when I turned around it was almost like it spooked him enough that he lost his nerve, hence he turned around and walked away. Either that or my ugly mug is just that terrifying

There no way it was completely innocent on his part, he was just too creepy for that. I doubt he was an axe murderer or a rapist, but he may well have followed me home and attacked me for my keys to get into the house, or stolen my car or the dogs or anything. Like i said, I’m a true crime addict so in my head he was definitely going to make lampshades out of my skin.

OP posts:

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