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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

One wedding and a baby...

56 replies

EastDulwichWife · 21/12/2017 10:45

We've been invited to the wedding of a very good friend in July. Our baby, if they arrive on time, will be 6 weeks old. Our friend's have said that babes in arms are welcome to attend, but no children.

The wedding is in London, where we live, so we can easily get a train there and a cab home. But it's our first baby and we're clueless. Obviously I don't want to cause bother for the couple by saying yes now, then dropping out a week before, and I'd rather not ask what their 'cut off' dates are, since they'll have enough to worry about planning the wedding and don't need to have to consider this too.

Option A - DH goes and I stay at home with baby
Option B - We both go to the ceremony (town hall), and I go home with baby
Option C - We RSVP to the whole shebang and hope we have a gloriously happy baby who sleeps through the whole thing, and I look and feel glam six weeks after giving birth...

AIBU to think this is in anyway possible?

OP posts:
Trills · 21/12/2017 10:49

If they are a very good friend then they won't mind having a short conversation about cutoff dates. It's nice of you to not want to bother them, but really the best thing to do is ask.

Tinselistacky · 21/12/2017 10:49

Invest in some decent underwear, grab a posh frock, sit near the back and if baby cries you can discretely step outside.
Your friend wants you there!! Life can't be put on hold just because you will be a dm!! Not like you are suggesting you take it on the hen do!!

Neverender · 21/12/2017 11:01

Get some ear defenders for baby and they'll sleep through the whole thing (hopefully).

littlepeas · 21/12/2017 11:05

At 6 weeks babies are pretty portable - it would be much harder with a mobile baby or toddler!! I would go and be prepared to make a quick exit during the ceremony/speeches if your baby cries.

winterwonderlandy · 21/12/2017 11:07

At that age they're likely to sleep a lot and you'll have the first few rough weeks under your belt. I'd say that you should go, you may not fancy staying out late though if you're going to be up during the night.

Nanny0gg · 21/12/2017 11:10

I managed with a baby slightly younger and all was fine (and it was pre-internet so finding an outfit not so easy)

I was comfortable breast-feeding discreetly, she was soundless during the service and at the reception I barely held her as her godmother whipped her off me ( I didn't mind)

We had a lovely time.

wowbutter · 21/12/2017 11:10

As long as you feel up to it, I would go and attempt to have a nice time.
Six week olds will sleep a lot and feed. Wear something forgiving, have your hair done, and enjoy.

Me264 · 21/12/2017 11:11

I took DS to the wedding of a very good friend when he was 5 weeks old. It was absolutely fine, he slept through most of it, and everyone on our table for the meal wanted a cuddle so I actually got to eat my meal with two hands, when it was still hot! We did leave around 8pm but that was more because I was tired than because he needed to go!

pastabest · 21/12/2017 11:12

I've seen a few babies that kind of age at weddings and it's generally fine. They don't really have any kind of routine at that point and day and night are still a bit topsy turvey for them.

I was a stone lighter post pregnancy than I was pre pregnancy, I looked fab and slim for the first time in years in the weeks after giving birth. Didn't last sadly, I bought into the whole you need to eat lots when you are breastfeeding thing and put it all back on and some more Blush.

Peppapogstillonaloop · 21/12/2017 11:14

I think you will Be fine with a baby that’s age and if for any reason you aren’t I’m sure a decent friend will understand.

NotAPuffin · 21/12/2017 11:16

You'll be fine with a 6 week old, they do very little but sleep and leak all manner of bodily fluids at that age.

Original poster
EastDulwichWife · 21/12/2017 11:19

I am honestly overjoyed to read these! You all make it sound very easy indeed and I'm tempted to go for it. I'll certainly make a speedy exit out of the ceremony if s/he cries and will be prepared to leave the reception early, and potentially without DH if he'd like to stay. They are v old friends so I would hate for him to miss out.

Spanx and baby ear defenders here we come!

OP posts:
firawla · 21/12/2017 11:20

I took my youngest to my sisters wedding at that age and she was brilliant- slept and fed, even slept through the loud disco. Guests with slightly older teething babies or toddlers were having a harder time! So it may well be ok, as others have said it’s a portable age, but I don’t think a quick conversation to check cut off dates would be unreasonable!

BarbarianMum · 21/12/2017 11:26

It will probably be fine, but if it isn't you can just send dh and stay home. No one will mind. Some friends of ours didn't make our wedding because their baby was late (so younger than expected on our wedding day) and the birth was tricky. It happens.

Thebluedog · 21/12/2017 11:27

I took my 4 week old to my best friends wedding and it was no hassle at all. Just make sure you’ve got all the necessities with you.

I found that so many people wanted to give her a cuddle I got a bit of time to myself Grin the only downside was I was bf so couldn’t have a glass of fizz

user1494409994 · 21/12/2017 11:29

I took my first one to a wedding when he was 8 weeks old. My husband was the best man. We were staying at the venue so when the baby starting to cry at colic o'clock (for him any time between 4.30 and 7pm), I retired to our room, got changed into something comfortable, fed and settled him and watched Strictly. Unfortunately I missed the dinner but dh brought me a roll and sausage from the buffet later.

IfYouDontImagineNothingHappens · 21/12/2017 11:29

You should be fine to go and if you have a complicated labour/difficult recovery/only want to stay for a short while just tell your friend. If they are an actual friend they'll understand.

MonkeyBrainsInPickle · 21/12/2017 11:29

Go. It’ll be fine.

GetOffTheTableMabel · 21/12/2017 11:30

It really will be fine. If you have, or can borrow, a sling for the day, it will free up your hands and tiny babies really do seem to settle & sleep well in those from my experience.

DrRanjsRightEyebrow · 21/12/2017 11:32

you'll be fine. Get a stretchy wrap sling (like a close caboo) and you'll be grand. Baby will be on you and happy, mostly asleep, and you can discretely feed in it too.

DrRanjsRightEyebrow · 21/12/2017 11:33

oh and you can drink and bf, contrary to popular myth, just not so much that you can't look after a child! (and don't co sleep after drinking)

CaptainChristmas · 21/12/2017 11:35

I’d definitely go with a very young baby if the wedding was in the same city I lived in. But sit at the back and be prepared to pop in and out if necessary and not stay late.

I wish I’d done more socialising with dc1 when she was a teeny baby! It’s so much harder now she’s older and has a routine.

The only thing is tiredness I guess. You will probably not be getting all that much rest at this stage.

mummmy2017 · 21/12/2017 11:36

I did my sisblings wedding with an 18m old baby, and when the baby began to make a noise at the wedding let them chew my finger... think owe charlie that hurts...
Go and enjoy it. they know your going to take the baby and want you there. at 6 weeks old you will enjoy being out with your DP for an event, and if baby is awake you won't want for help...

CaptainChristmas · 21/12/2017 11:36

DrRanj, like her namesake is right re bfing too. I was told it’s fine to have a glass or two of champagne, just don’t get drunk.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 21/12/2017 11:37

Make sure whatever you buy to wear is washable (bitter experience)

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