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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

One wedding and a baby...

56 replies

EastDulwichWife · 21/12/2017 10:45

We've been invited to the wedding of a very good friend in July. Our baby, if they arrive on time, will be 6 weeks old. Our friend's have said that babes in arms are welcome to attend, but no children.

The wedding is in London, where we live, so we can easily get a train there and a cab home. But it's our first baby and we're clueless. Obviously I don't want to cause bother for the couple by saying yes now, then dropping out a week before, and I'd rather not ask what their 'cut off' dates are, since they'll have enough to worry about planning the wedding and don't need to have to consider this too.

Option A - DH goes and I stay at home with baby
Option B - We both go to the ceremony (town hall), and I go home with baby
Option C - We RSVP to the whole shebang and hope we have a gloriously happy baby who sleeps through the whole thing, and I look and feel glam six weeks after giving birth...

AIBU to think this is in anyway possible?

OP posts:
CaptainChristmas · 21/12/2017 11:39

Oh yes a washable dress in a not-too-vibrant colour, or black / navy (baby sick shows up too much on those ime)!

Maybe even a top and skirt and bring an extra top?

Pringlemunchers · 21/12/2017 11:43

I got married when my baby was six weeks!. Honestly, keep it flexible. Have a little chat with the bride beforehand ( she will not mind in the least). Just explain the situation and keep an exit strategy at the ceremony and maybe if , baby kicks off , or you are too tired etc, just leave early,

Halfdrankbrew · 21/12/2017 11:45

We took our little one on a weekend away 2 hours drive away for an in laws bday at 1 week old, stayed in a hotel. At 5 weeks old we went abroad on holiday camping (we had an 18 month old too!!) so you don't have to duck out. I was lucky to recover quickly, but generally speaking by 6 weeks you should be fine.

Logistically yes you'll have to plan ahead but if I was you I'd go. If you are bottle feeding you can get the ready made bottles and take a load of sterilised bottles with you or if you're breastfeeding (even easier!) it's there and on tap.

Amanduh · 21/12/2017 11:49

I took mine to a full chutch wedding - in Spain Grin seriously, 6 weeks is great. They sleep a lot, you can easily hold them, they're portable, you put them down and they don't move! Go for it OP.

CardinalCat · 21/12/2017 11:50

Go for it! Even if you go overdue, your baby will be at least 4 weeks, and you'll be recovering well by that point from labour/ section. general shellshock! I went to a wedding with DS when he was 5 weeks, and I was BFing and it was dead easy (Big pashmina for discreet BFing- not that I normally care about discretion, but it was a Strict catholic wedding, and I was still quite awkward about positioning at this stage and often had to flop my boobs out and manoeuvre the baby onto his latch, so it was good to have a lovely silky tent under which to get the latch sorted!) Also just to echo that it's fine to drink and BF, thank goodness Grin. Just don't get so drunk that you drop the baby, and don't cosleep drunk.

JaneEyre70 · 21/12/2017 11:55

It's far easier with a baby tbh than a toddler! I'd make the most of your baby being very portable, be ready to dash out if you need to and find a lovely forgiving outfit. It'll be a lovely day as long as you are flexible around your baby and don't plan too far ahead.

Piratesandpants · 21/12/2017 11:59

ASk for a cut off date. It really depends on your baby. My first cried all day everyday and attending a wedding with him at 6 weeks would have been impossible. My second liked to sleep and would have been fine.

MrsHathaway · 21/12/2017 12:01

I did B with a three-week-old (should have been older but was late ) and it was definitely the best option for me as I was expressing and completely knackered. I wore a smart maternity dress and felt well dressed compared to the milk-drenched top and jeans I was otherwise rocking.

AntiHop · 21/12/2017 12:08

I invited a good friend to my wedding knowing that she'd have a tiny baby. I told her to decide on the day what to do. The wedding was in London and they live in London. They came for about an hour with their 2 week old and everyone cooed over the baby. It was lovely to have them there

On the day, if you don't feel up to it, send dh alone and don't give it a second thought.

mamamalt · 21/12/2017 12:10

As others have said it will be fine! It will be nice for you to get out and about with your DH and a bit glammed up! And you’re not far from home so can easily leave if it’s all too much. I think you would regret it if you didn’t! Also as others have said you absolutely can have a drink if your bfing and you will prob have lots of offers to hold LO so grab a glass for each hand and enjoy!
Contrary to lots of people I found the new born and young baby stage wayyy easier than everyone said. You wait will their ten months old... Wink

Bear2014 · 21/12/2017 12:15

I would say 2 children in that 6 weeks is the absolute easiest age to go to a wedding or similar. You're just about recovered, bf established etc and from that point on they only get more wakeful and heavy!

Absolutely fine to drink and BF, as some pp have said. No way would I have spent 2.5 years of my life doing it if it wasn't Wink

yourhavingagiraffee · 21/12/2017 12:19

Baby should sleep through most of It, or needing a feed.

If you feel up to it (hard to tell just now) you should go along, if too much come home.

We had my husband's cousins wedding 4 days after baby was born, we missed the ceremony as I ballooned up and didn't have anything to wear but popped into the reception for a bit.

It was good to see everyone but was a bit much for me. I'm not too keen on people congratulating, shaking hands, cuddling and kissing etc.

Hopefully your friend understands, puts use down as a yes but understands use both of you and baby could pull out last minute.

Madwoman5 · 21/12/2017 12:23

Rather go with a baby than a two year-old. Took a 6 weeker and a three year old to a stay away wedding. Had to remind dh that I too, needed to eat, tbh, used them as an excuse to escape! Thankfully, 3 year old was easily. Bribed to be quiet through ceremony with polos and 6 weeker was fed, nappy changed and settled throughout. Sat at the back in case quick escape was required. One day of non routine is not going to harm them. Just remind your partner you need to eat and drink too.

Wineasaurous · 21/12/2017 12:25

I took DS to a wedding around that age. We attended ceremony and breakfast and then went home as the reception started. No hangover but for to be there for the most important parts

SeaToSki · 21/12/2017 12:27

I flew transatlantic with a 6 week old and 2 ds to attend my sisters wedding. It went fine, there were lots of helping hands from the relatives and although you’re not getting much sleep the long term sleep deprivation hasn't hit too badly yet.

Make sure that if you are wearing a dress, you can get your boobs out to breastfeed without having to take the whole thing off. It makes it much easier to feed discretely! Take a couple of changes of clothes for LO and a bar of chocolate in your bag in case you need a quick sugar rush. Oh and face powder, for some reason my face was always super shiny for a couple of months after giving birth

Seasonseatings · 21/12/2017 12:29

I went to a funeral and wake with a six week old, it was totally fine and I would have gone to a wedding.

If I was very close then I might consider popping home for a bit between the afternoon and evening.

Original poster
EastDulwichWife · 21/12/2017 12:38

I hadn't even considered the champagne! That has swung it for me! I'm going to RSVP now with a big YES and will mention that I'll dash out with the baby in case of disturbances, just in case they worry. I've just finished reading this thread feeling like superwoman which, for doing nothing at all, is wonderful!

OP posts:
Rikalaily · 21/12/2017 12:40

I'm due 4 weeks before my sisters wedding, I'll most likely go over so will have a tiny one and I'm not worried at all about the baby, I'm more worried about the other 5 we have to take with us lol. Honestly it will be fine, loads of people will be willing to have a cuddle to give you a break if baby gets a bit grumpy but at 6 weeks they are usually just starting to get a bit interested in things around them so will probably eat, sleep, wake, poo, feed look around for a bit then doze off again on repeat all day Smile

moonbells · 21/12/2017 13:13

I took DS to a wedding 400+ miles away when he was 3 months. We positioned ourselves in the church so we could get out fast, made sure he was due a nap during the service anyway (which worked a treat) and that we could easily escape at the reception which was where we were staying - after the meal DH and I alternated hours with him in our room.

Yes he did turn out to be a cuddle magnet. And slept most of the drive up to Scotland and back, too.

JAMMFYesPlease · 21/12/2017 13:27

I took my 6 week old DD to a wedding. She was much easier than her 3yo sister! Babes in arms are.pretty manageable and will cry when they want something or have been upset. I sat at the back with her so could easily take her out if needed. Wasn't necessary as she slept the whole way through. It was a family wedding so she was passed around all the family members who hasn't seen her and didn't bat an eyelid. We did keep her out of the room with the music though (other rooms were quiet so people could chat) so that helped.

5foot5 · 21/12/2017 13:42

oh and you can drink and bf, contrary to popular myth, just not so much that you can't look after a child!

Damn I wish I had known that 22 years ago! To think I did without gin and tonic for 5 more months than I had to!!!

doze931 · 21/12/2017 13:52

I was bridesmaid when my son was 10 weeks. He slept entire service. Bottle and a cuddle and slept most of reception. Bridesmaid again when they were 6 and 4, not as pleasant experience lol

rhnireland · 21/12/2017 13:55

Go for it. My suggestion would be to bring a sling as it can help calm the baby down if they get over stimulated

IdaBattersea · 21/12/2017 14:00

I went to my brothers wedding when DD2 was 2.5 weeks old. It was a 250 mile journey from home and involved staying in a hotel.

It wasn't easy but I wasn't go to miss my brother's wedding. And at that age she was pretty much just feeding or sleeping.

I do remember one of the ushers asking me to take her out when she started fussing during the speeches....

I am not sure I would have made the same effort if it hadn't been a family member.

Hillarious · 21/12/2017 14:35

Option C - absolutely. You have to believe everything's possible, or you'll find that nothing is. Babies are so portable at that age, compared to a few months older. A colleague brought her 5 week old in to the office this week and we all went out to lunch. Baby was fed, dozed on her lap whilst we ate, woke up, was passed around, fed, dozed, repeat.

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