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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU saying no to taking newborn to meet people?

66 replies

TravellinTeacher · 21/12/2017 01:45

Our first baby is due in the next week and pregnancy has not been an easy one!
OH and I live 4 to 6 hours drive away from our respective families. I’ve said I’m happy to have visitors as soon as we’re of Labour and on PostNatal so they didn’t make the journey to be told I wasn’t having visitors.
My 82-year-old grandpa is flying over from Canada to see baby and a friend who is a single parent, working shifts and doesn’t drive is making the 7 hour train journey to see us.
However, OH’s family and my 3 of my closest friends have turned around and said we should bring the baby to them while OH is off - so before baby is 2 weeks old!

So what is like to know is...
Am I being unreasonable saying “No, if they want to see baby they need to come to us.”?

OP posts:
Weezol · 21/12/2017 01:48

No you aren't. They come to you - you have just grown and delivered an entire person ffs.

Justkeepswimminglalala · 21/12/2017 01:54

You will be both be exhausted in that first few weeks once the baby arrives. Yanbu at all! Your OHs family, on the other hand, are bu!!

Sounds like you's are being more than accomadating by inviting them to come and see you's, and they are taking the piss imo.
When ds was born, the last thing I wanted to do was leave the house to go visiting people. I had just had an emergency c-section then tried to spend to first week trying to establish bf, with little success! It was VERY emotional and tiring. Those first few weeks are not a time to be doing the rounds visiting people!

Congratulations op Flowers

AvoidingDM · 21/12/2017 01:55

Eh no they come to you if they want to see baby. I'd re-evaluate my relationships with these people if they expect you to trail to them. Newborns aren't meant to be in car seats for more than 30 mins. That means lots of stops on that length of journey or doing it by train if possible.

Justkeepswimminglalala · 21/12/2017 01:56

Can't type to save myself at this time of night 😂 Apologies for the errors!

Lana1234 · 21/12/2017 02:04

Definitely not! I had my first 4 months ago and I was still very much in recovery mode those first few weeks and also trying to just adjust to mummy life! I kept visits from family and friends short and they totally understood. They come to you and you put your feet up and let them make you a cuppa!

JustHappy3 · 21/12/2017 02:11

Nope. They come to you.
If you're trying to establish BFing, travel doesn't do you any good. They are either clueless or have forgotten what it's like.

Oxcheeks · 21/12/2017 02:30

Wow OP I'm in awe when you say that family are welcome to visit when you are in labour or post natal, some people like to get home and establish breast feeding etc first. Nope do not take your baby to see anyone, if they think anything of you THEY will come to you at an appropriate time when YOU are ready (in my opinion they are a bunch of knobs 🙄)

Charolais · 21/12/2017 02:35

Tell the people who want you to visit them that you plan on staying home to enjoy your baby.

It is traditional and also just plain common sense to visit the new mother and baby and not the other way around. I march to my own drummer though and didn’t want people coming to my hospital room after my CS or even to my home for a few weeks. I liked to sleep when baby did, not bother getting dressed and breast feeding wherever whenever without the worry of visitors showing up. I go to ground with my little un’s.

My husband’s co-workers wanted to come to the hospital and I told them we’d swing by on the way home, which we did. We also dropped into to show him to some others on the way home. That was a preemptive strike so to speak. Head ‘em off at the pass. lol.

AvoidingDM We lived almost hours from the hospital/pediatrician so baby was in his car seat a lot. I’ve never heard of the 30 min rule. Btw; my first was born in 1975 and I don’t recall anyone using baby car seats back then. They just stayed on our laps.

Congratulations for next week OP.

Anonymum123 · 21/12/2017 02:38

What rude and selfish fuckers! In no way is it reasonable to make you and your newborn make that journey.

Have you had a baby before btw? Would advise not having loads of visitors on postnatal ward a) it’s probably going to be a crammed bay and no space b) you might not have even had a proper shower and won’t want loads of people crowding around you c) you’ll be knackered and want to sleep.

But whatever you do- do not let your poor baby travel that far while so tiny.

Oh and congratulations on your nearly here baby :) Smile

notangelinajolie · 21/12/2017 03:02

You can't possibly know how you will feel. See how it goes - you may be up an running quite soon after baby is born. I was very well and recovered very quickly after DC2, infact I went back to work when she was 3 weeks old. However, you may feel dreadful like I did after DC1 and DC3 and in which case you should stay close to home.

My advice is don't plan anything, and don't say no or yes to anyone. And don't over think or plan anything too much - just go with the flow Xmas Smile chill, and enjoy your baby.

Madbee · 21/12/2017 03:06

No way! They come to you, ideally with food, and not for more than an hour or so! Put a sign on your door saying 'Go away unless you've brought lasagne' Wink

BrioLover · 21/12/2017 03:06

YANBU. You should be recovering from the birth, bonding with your baby, spending time establishing feeding and getting used to a whole new aspect to your relationship with DP! Definitely not spending hours and hours in a car (which isn't recommended for a shiny new baby anyway).

Foobarjar · 21/12/2017 03:10

Nope. They visit you, or you later when you feel like it. First baby is a huge shock and exhausting.

I'd even ban visitors unless they were for an hour max and not staying.

SydBound27 · 21/12/2017 03:14

YANBU! If they want to see the baby (and you!), then they must faff around travelling and if they're decent human beings they will bring meals, wash the dishes and make themselves tea etc when they arrive. You'll be shattered, and still in need of TLC so do not feel pressure.

Hope it all goes well and focus on the important things - you and your baby. Flowers

Putyourdamnshoeson · 21/12/2017 04:27

It might not be up to you re visits on the ward anyway. I was in for 2 nights following a category 1 etc. It was partners only due to norovirus. That was a January. Its rife and wards are regularly shut down in this way, esp in winter.no exceptions. I'm in SW England, my parents had flown over from Northern Ireland.

DS was a vaginal birth, still in 2 nights due to huge haemorrhage, Who's mum and sisters dropped in. I felt like death, smelly, and with my tits out.

In any case, you'll still likely be bleeding fairly heavily for a few weeks and feel so tired you can't see. So will DH so driving in any way far would be pretty dangerous unless absolutely necessary.

Cavender · 21/12/2017 04:32

I’m all for including family in new babies’ lives but 4-6hr drive post partum, with a newborn.

Not a chance.

LellyMcKelly · 21/12/2017 04:34

God, no. No way. I can’t imagine how awful that would be with a newborn.they are being very BU. Exactly what SydBound27 says. You, your baby, and your DH must be the focus for the next few months. Everyone else needs to work around you.

actino · 21/12/2017 04:39

A multiple hour car journey would be very uncomfortable or likely painful for you in the first few weeks after giving birth.

DonnatellaLyman · 21/12/2017 04:49

www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-37947841/car-seat-warning-for-infants-on-long-journeys

Newborn babies shouldn’t be in car seats for longer than 30 minutes at a time - certainly not for 4-6 hours!! Everyone knows that you visit a newborn at home, take food, make tea and don’t stay too long. They are being ridiculous.

RemainOptimistic · 21/12/2017 05:35

Are they on glue?!

Making a 3h journey when my LO was 3 months old was more than enough stress for me. Taking a newborn would be insane.

They can fottfsofawtgtfosm.

Beetlebum1981 · 21/12/2017 05:56

As others have said, they come to you! My best friend drove 2 hours to meet DD, stayed about 1.5 hrs and then went back home. There’s no way you can drive all that way with a new born, plus guidance says not to leave them in the car seat for that long without a break. I

DrKrogersfavouritepatient · 21/12/2017 06:26

YANBU

PastaOfMuppets · 21/12/2017 06:27

Omg yanbu.

Imo and ime, it is these sorts of expectations that can contribute to pnd. Do things your way and tell everyone who disagrees that they can have their own babies and let you have your own.

megletthesecond · 21/12/2017 06:29

Yanbu. Stay at home and recover. Don't go anywhere.

shushpenfold · 21/12/2017 06:29

Stupid people. YA in no way BU and they’re being utter idiots. Xx

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