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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU saying no to taking newborn to meet people?

66 replies

TravellinTeacher · 21/12/2017 01:45

Our first baby is due in the next week and pregnancy has not been an easy one!
OH and I live 4 to 6 hours drive away from our respective families. I’ve said I’m happy to have visitors as soon as we’re of Labour and on PostNatal so they didn’t make the journey to be told I wasn’t having visitors.
My 82-year-old grandpa is flying over from Canada to see baby and a friend who is a single parent, working shifts and doesn’t drive is making the 7 hour train journey to see us.
However, OH’s family and my 3 of my closest friends have turned around and said we should bring the baby to them while OH is off - so before baby is 2 weeks old!

So what is like to know is...
Am I being unreasonable saying “No, if they want to see baby they need to come to us.”?

OP posts:
Loverunandwine · 21/12/2017 06:33

I see someone has posted the guidance but DO NO travel with a new born for so long. You shouldn’t have them in the car seat for longer than 30 mins. Why risk it?!

Ven83 · 21/12/2017 06:33

Your MIL is a piece of work, I can tell from this alone. Presumably she knows what's it like with a brand new baby. Travelling 4-6 hours to see them, good grief. Good luck with them.

EssentialHummus · 21/12/2017 06:36

What everyone else said! I had a relatively easy birth but at 4 weeks PP I was still bleeding, unable to sit for long and with leaky, painful nipples. And even if you’re ready to run a marathon, the done thing is for people to visit you unless they’re immobile. They sound dreadful!

DartmoorDoughnut · 21/12/2017 06:44

Fuck that shit!

If they want to see your baby and you they come to you!

Thermostatpolice · 21/12/2017 06:46

YANBU. Just repeat 'that won't work for us. We'll let you know when we're ready for visitors'.

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 21/12/2017 06:50

They come to you. I'm sure when baby is a bit bigger you'll make the journey but there is no reason why you should now

FlouncyDoves · 21/12/2017 06:54

No, of course not. Let them come when it’s convieniet for you.

RaindropsAndSparkles · 21/12/2017 06:54

Even the three wise men travelled to visit the baby. They visit you.

SeaToSki · 21/12/2017 06:57

All I can think of is the horror of having to sit on a hard car seat for hours when post partum. It takes several weeks for your under carriage to get back to normal after birth and that is if you dont have too much tearing/episiotomy/stitches. Please dont put yourself through that.

megletthesecond · 21/12/2017 07:04

"Even the three wise men travelled to visit the baby." Rain Grin

fitbitbore · 21/12/2017 07:09

No way!! You need to rest. I love about 200 miles from my family, I took my son home approx 5 weeks when I felt ready to.

MissBax · 21/12/2017 07:14

YANBU, tell them not to hold their breath!

LostInTheTunnelOfGoats · 21/12/2017 07:15

Haha, not a chance would I be doing this,and neither should you. Daft fuckers

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 21/12/2017 07:18

Nope. I found it impossible to stick to the 30m rule on car seats, but even if you did an hour at a time, that’d be a nightmare.

pudcat · 21/12/2017 07:26

Why are some folk selfish and thoughtless these days? Say no and keep repeating it. So what if you alienate them? The baby is far more important than their feelings.

ellesbellesxxx · 21/12/2017 07:27

Absolutely no way you should be travelling around that much.. if they want to see baby, they come to you, bearing dinner and prepared to help!
Enjoy your squishy newborn :)

magpiemischief · 21/12/2017 07:28

You'll still be seeing the midwife / health visitor too. They'll be checking your baby is putting on enough weight and feeding properly etc. So just say you can't.

Reallycantbebothered · 21/12/2017 07:40

Thinking back to when my 3 dcs were that age ( 23 yrs ago!)....no way woul I have travelled that far at that age with newborn, especially when bf
They visit you!....
think dd was 2 weeks old when visited dm , who lived 2 hrs away and only because I stayed with her for a month to recover from CS cos dh had to go back to work and I couldn't drive

ellesbellesxxx · 21/12/2017 07:43

Raindrops 😂😂😂

MentholBreeze · 21/12/2017 07:47

YANBU at all. hell with my first I was still bleeding, plus establishing BFing, plus stitches healing etc. I think DS1 was about 2 weeks old before I left the house after getting home from the hospital!

Now with the second, it all turned out not to be so bad, because it all just went really easily, but still, in the first two weeks, we only did the stuff that really needed to be done, we didn't go out on jollies!

Deemail · 21/12/2017 07:52

They'd rather put a tiny baby and a mum who's recently given birth through a long trip instead of doing it themselves. That's horribly selfish.
Isn't your granddad such a lovely man though and your friend lovely too.

Gaudeamus · 21/12/2017 07:53

Can these relatives support their own head? Walk independently? Eat solids? Stay awake during daytime? Control their bowel movements? Use language to communicate instead of crying?

If so, they're probably better fit to travel than your baby.

londonloves · 21/12/2017 07:55

Fuck that. Say no. And set the precedent early with you OH's family that they need to fit around your tiny person, not the other way around. The baby gets no benefit from meeting other adults, it's about them.

Huskylover1 · 21/12/2017 08:03

No way. You might not even be mobile for a while. Losing lots of blood (think double sanitary pads). Boobs leaking. Not to mention all of the stuff you need to cart around with a baby. NO!

InvisibleKittenAttack · 21/12/2017 08:09

Adding to the chorus, say no.

Often seems to be the case that people expect the person who moved away from "home" to do all the travelling, and that because that was your home town and still is theirs, you should see it as "home" still, so bring the baby there. The lack of fairness in that to the person who lives elsewhere is usually missed.

You won't be fit to travel for a few weeks, just tell them no, you won't be doing any long journeys for the first few months, they are welcome to visit you.