To change my xmas plans because of terrorist threat

[questabelletreetop]

We have afternoon tea booked in London tomorrow, I was planning on taking my two DC ages 12&4 with my sister. The plan is to do that then take the open top bus along Oxford Street to see the lights, ending in Trafalgar Square for carol singing.

My question is with such a huge terrorist risk in London this Christmas would you be taking your children, especially a four year old who can't run?
Is this a sensible thing to do?!

There is some interesting research that shows people who make decisions based on the attitude 'why would I risk it' are very bad at measuring risk and actually put themselves/their family in more overall risk

OP, your anxiety is totally skewing your ability to calculate risk. Being in London is very very low risk. The most 'dangerous' part of your day is probably climbing down the stairs of the open-top bus

I know anxiety issues are all consuming, but you owe it to your family to find some coping strategies. At best, you'll prevent them from having lovely memories.
At worst, your clouded and bad decision making will put them at more risk

The lights on Regent Street are beautiful, they’re angels much nicer than Oxford Street,

With all due respect OP, you are being ridiculous. You can't live life like this. We all try to protect our children as much as we can but there are millions of risks everyday and we have to plough on and not give in.

How on earth are you going to cope when your DCs are adult? One of mine is driving round South America at the moment for instance. Yes I worry but do my best to keep my fears in check because I want my DCs to live their lives to the full. You can't hold children back and you are holding yours back by not going on a lovely London trip.

FWIW yes I have been affected by an awful tragedy very close to home but I vowed to myself that I would live my life to the full because of it. Not retire cowed in fear and worry.

The biggest terrorist atrocity in UK history was 29 years ago today. And it was truly horrific. But I think the modern day phenomenon of rolling news coverage that we have these days and social media etc has made people far more wary than they were in the wake of that outrage.

OP you're probably not at any risk at all but honestly, if you can't relax and enjoy yourself there is no point putting yourself through the torment. It's only a day out. There will be other days out. Or you could go somewhere that you feel safer.

There is some interesting research that shows people who make decisions based on the attitude 'why would I risk it' are very bad at measuring risk and actually put themselves/their family in more overall risk

I believe that! How interesting - sparechange, do you have a link to that? I'd love to read it.

I'm heading into London today, Winter Wonderland and everything. I'd be lying if I said the thought hasn't crossed my mind a few times but I've had such a lovely time every year that I wouldn't dream about not going again. Bring on the mulled wine!

People keep dying on me.

Last year, my best friend (early 50s, cancer) & one grandmother in her 90s.

Last week, other grandmother in her 90s.

I might die next week. Or next year. Or in 50 years time.

I don't know what it's like to have anxiety but I do know what it's like to be suicidally depressed. Having escaped that, with the help of ADs & therapy, every bloody moment feels like a gift. I don't know how long I've got but I'm going to live every minute while I have got it.

a lot of people go through terrible loss (if that's through terrorism, cancer, suicide etc) and they still get up, get out of the house and live. I'm not saying it's easy but surely to close yourself off from the world is worse than making the most of it. London is amazing at Christmas, the lights, the music. The threat level hasn't increased for months. It sounds like you've already made your mind up though!

OP the truth is, most of the time tragedy does happen to someone else. Im sorry that you've experienced it in your life but you are far from being the only one. Every time you feed (your children to) your anxiety it will grow stronger. That is their tragedy.

The way I look at it is that (as someone else mentioned) why would I take a risk?

You would take a risk because, as you recognised when you booked the trip, sometimes you have to put your children above your personal anxiety - especially when you know that the reality is that the risk is tiny.

Go to London.

I’m assuming you must be getting help for what sounds like difficult to manage anxiety. What have they suggested?

OP, I just wanted to post to say I fully understand where you are coming from. I'm from the rural midlands and have never lived in London, and although I know it's entirely irrational, I cancelled the trip I'd planned to take my 5 year old DS to the natural history museum because of this very reason. It's know it's ridiculous, but I know my anxiety would mean I wouldn't enjoy the day. For what it's worth, I also am anxious about car journeys (I had a good friend killed in a car crash 5 years ago), walking down stairs, crossing the road, and a lot of the other things mentioned on here, but obviously can't avoid them! I know I need to get it in perspective, but currently I wouldn't enjoy the day, and so we've cancelled. I'm considering going but just not using the tube, as a lot of my anxiety is about that, so we will see. So, while I agree with all the posters saying it's irrational, and the logical part of me would encourage you to go, I just wanted to let you know that you are not the only one who feels this way.

OP the truth is, most of the time tragedy does happen to someone else. Im sorry that you've experienced it in your life but you are far from being the only one. Every time you feed (your children to) your anxiety it will grow stronger. That is their tragedy

^^ This.

There will be many people on MN who have experienced a tragedy (I am one) and they aren't giving up or giving in like this. Risk risk risk - there's risk everywhere. It's not fair on your children to transfer your worries onto them by depriving them of life experiences. So you pull out of your London trip... what about next year, the year after? What about Manchester or Birmingham, are they OK? Any big towns, crowds, christmas markets, concerts, sporting events? The list is endless

Treaclesoda despite living in Scotland I’m ashamed to say I had to look that up
Lockerbie is in a way a good example of how we can’t avoid risk - we could I suppose choose not to take a flight anywhere, ever; but people were killed on the ground just being in their own homes - how can you avoid that?

My friend and I went for a weekend recently and were there during the ‘false alarm’ in the tube which turned out to be two guys having a fight. I have to admit it brought how quickly everything can change to the front of our minds. However, security was high, Christmas markets had massive concrete barriers around them, as did the ones in Manchester recently. The police are taking this very seriously.
If I had sat on the tube thinking how ridiculously easy it would be for someone to blow it up, I’d most likely have given up and gone home. But why should I? We carried on, we had a bloody good time, and a terrorist threat wasn’t going to change that.
Go to London, enjoy your trip, and don’t dwell on everything. Don’t let it tarnish a lovely festive outing

We live just inside the M25 and we're taking our DDs into central London today, and again just after Christmas. The risk is tiny and as others have pointed out we take hundreds of similar small risks every day.

I would be more scared of losing the 4 year old in a busy city. Go and enjoy!

I would go but on the flip side my fil who worked for the foreign office here in London and aboard till a couple of years ago said after the Paris attacks he wouldn’t visit Paris whilst the terrorist levels where high as it’s just not worth it if you don’t need to be there, e,g live there or need to travel for work etc.

The kids want to go, we've got ballet tickets, and I'll screw them up with anxiety if I scrap our plans. I might need a stiff drink to get me through it.

Treat yourself to a stiff drink, credit to you for going ahead with it in that case. I hope they love it.

Would you go to Manchester or Birmingham op? Do you take them to France or Belgium om holiday? Anywhere is at risk of a terrorist attack. But your personal risk of being caught up in one is miniscule. There are so many variables that make this risk so miniscule it is worth sometimes reminding yourself. As many others have said, we all take far greater risks without even thinking about it every single day.

So it’s not really a terrorist attack you’re afraid of is it? Your anxiety is making you afraid of everything. You would be silly to cancel. Why make your kids suffer just because you’re scared? You should get some help with this because it’s not just affecting you, you will pass this behaviour on to your kids.

I’ve had a shitty year in 2017 and lost my DB to cancer aged 34, and had an ectopic pregnancy and surgery in March. It has been v sad and taken a lot of emotional energy to get through to the end of the year.

Now i’m 14 weeks pregnant with DC2 and looking forward to Christmas and 2018 being a bloody good year and my life being much happier. I used to work in London, my DH has commuted and worked there for nearly a decade, my parents worked there during the IRA times and my dad said he remembered being near the bandstand when the IRA blew it up and hearing about how someone’s limb blew over into the nearby tennis court he was at.

Sorry if this all sounds scary and alarmist - I’m just pointing out the risks we all face every day, and how facing them head on is the only way to deal with them and NOT let the damn terrorists win.

Enjoy your life. Live it. Go out there for your DC’s sake and have a bloody good time. My DB’s early passing has shown me that life is truly short and we really just need to get on with it and live it to the fullest.

only you can decide whether you are going to be able to enjoy it.

but if i were you i would go. but i don't have massive anxiety. i can weigh up the risk and see it is absolutely negligible.

for context i was flying to America on the day of 9/11.
I was near westminster bridge on the day of the attack.
in both those attacks hundreds of thousands of people were potential targets, and only a small % of them were affected.

The risk really is very very small.

I’m so tired of these threads, they appear regularly. Yes there is a very very slightly elevated risk that you might get blown up/mown down if you go into Central London. Statistically it’s safer than getting in a car and driving to Tesco. If you don’t understand those odds and instead prefer to be influenced by media coverage of past terror attacks then you’re a bit of a numpty. Just stay at home where it’s ‘safe’ and deny yourself (and your kids) the opportunity to experience all the culture that our capital city has to offer. Go to Tesco instead.