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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be really angry with dh

99 replies

Animalfarmfan · 20/12/2017 19:53

So dh works full time. I work very part time around caring for our 3 dds.
Dd3 still has toileting accidents. She clearly had one this evening as I was cooking dinner. I could hear dh ask her when she had the accident. Although he didn't know I could hear.
I carried on cooking believing dh was dealing with it.
When I served dinner I was surprised to seeds still in wet clothes. By this time dh had gone to to his Christmas party.
Aibu to think this is laziness at best and neglect at worse.

OP posts:

nestletollhouse · 21/12/2017 07:06

@Mooncuplanding I have absolutely changed my child immediately upon a accident, every time. I've never left them in wee.

Jigglytuff · 21/12/2017 07:12

What a vile human being your husband is

RaeSkywalker · 21/12/2017 07:17

This is awful OP 😢

Mooncuplanding · 21/12/2017 08:45

@Mooncuplanding I have absolutely changed my child immediately upon a accident, every time. I've never left them in wee.

Even if you are driving? Have run out of spare clothes when you are out?

Rubbish. Total rubbish.

Grimbles · 21/12/2017 09:01

My dH usually asks me to find clothes for our twins if they need changing too but in fairness they're in different sizes so it does get a bit confusing.

And yet you manage to do it...

Lizzie48 · 21/12/2017 09:06

*My dH usually asks me to find clothes for our twins if they need changing too but in fairness they're in different sizes so it does get a bit confusing.

And yet you manage to do it...*

Lol, don't get me started! I've banned my DH from sorting out my DDs' dry washing as he can't seem to get his head around the fact that one is age 8 and the other is age 5. How is that rocket science??

swingofthings · 21/12/2017 09:13

Got to love how everyone just jumps to conclusions after just a couple of sentences! We don't even know how old the child is! My DD still had accidents after she was 4yo. When that happened, I would tell her to go and change her knickers herself.

OP didn't hear everything so who knows, maybe he told his daughter to go and get some clean knickers and to go to her mum as he was rushing to go out, maybe because a friend was waiting outside for him to come out.

But yeah, ok, let's just say he's a lazy twat and really OP, what are you still doing with him? Pack your bags tonight and go find a better life!

BadFeminist · 21/12/2017 09:14

He is not and has never been the most hands on father but feel that is a new low.

I'd say if you're going to leave a kid in piss you're probably not allowed the title father at all.

LizzieSiddal · 21/12/2017 09:14

swing I agree with you. There's some ridiculous posts in this thread.

gamerchick · 21/12/2017 09:18

Pitchforks are out in force on this one.... bravo man no wonder mumsnet gets the man hating harridan reputation.

He was a lazy fucker OP, he knew you’d deal with it. Call him out on it. But unless there’s a backstory then he probably doesn’t need booting out the house to every other weekend contact.

Dustysparrow · 21/12/2017 09:30

If during your conversation about this incident he tries to minimize his awful behaviour I would show him this thread, just to bring home to him that you aren't the only one who thinks what he did is completely unacceptable.

Lizzie48 · 21/12/2017 09:54

*Pitchforks are out in force on this one.... bravo man no wonder mumsnet gets the man hating harridan reputation.

He was a lazy fucker OP, he knew you’d deal with it. Call him out on it. But unless there’s a backstory then he probably doesn’t need booting out the house to every other weekend contact.*

This, absolutely. Mumsnetters like nothing better than telling posters to LTB.

And the OP did tell us that her DD was 4 years old, so old enough to change her own clothes. But the point was that he should have made sure she did do that.

BewareOfDragons · 21/12/2017 11:27

Have you pointed out his utter twattery for dumping it on you, on top of everything else you were left to do by yourself with the children last night while he was off having a great time?

Original poster

Animalfarmfan · 21/12/2017 11:55

No chance yet. I was asleep when he got in and had left for work before I got up.

Will be calm.
Yes Dd is 4 and in theory should be able to find clothes etc but she needs an adult's be proactive with her.
If I could hear him asking her about wetting herself than I am sure I would have heard him asking her to get a change of clothes etc. Even so GE should follow up if she didn't

OP posts:

lynmilne65 · 21/12/2017 13:19

Bored now

Jigglytuff · 21/12/2017 13:19

He left his child in piss-stained clothes because he couldn't be bothered to change her. I agree with the OP - that's verging on neglect

nestletollhouse · 21/12/2017 13:20

@Mooncuplanding yeah because you know me and how I look after my child.
Out with no clothes? Buy some. I'm certainly not sticking him in the car covered in his own mess. Worst case strip him off and wrap a towel from the boot around him.
If he'd wet the car at age 4 he would tell me, and I would do something about. Like hell would I continue to drive.
Stick your rubbish.

Mooncuplanding · 21/12/2017 13:56

nestletollhouse

Touchy

aabidah86 · 21/12/2017 13:57

We used to live with my great granddad when I was small - I must have been about 4 or 5 and I was playing in the garden. My ggrandad was in his 90s at this point and forgot I was out there so locked the back door. I don't know how long I was out there for, felt like forever but might have only been half an hour or so. Anyway I pooed myself and my dad had to change me when he came home from work and realised I was outside. He was so gentle and kind about it and I remember feeling so distressed at the time. It has stuck with me to this day and I'm 31 now! I would let your husband know that it may have really embarrassed your daughter and its really not on that he didn't do anything about, I would suggest he apologise to her too. x

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 21/12/2017 14:06

let’s get this clear,adult men with jobs can’t locate clothes or sort laundry?
So,in the face of this perplexing task,the woman steps up and does task
Same Men who are employed and undertake numerous other tasks,use tech items?
Yet they Can they pack their own gym bag?locate items they need in timely manner. Presumably they don’t get muddled or confused and pack your gym kit
No fucking wonder they don’t do stuff,cause they know their partner is daft and she’ll do it

I mean come on,wakey wakey

Original poster

Animalfarmfan · 27/12/2017 17:46

Update dh was 'doing bedtime' Christmas Eve for Dd3. This translated to shelling get to go to her room and shut the door. I was downstairs so shouted up that she needs to clean her teeth. She protested and he said OK do it in the morning. Lazy git

OP posts:

BewareOfDragons · 28/12/2017 11:03

I think you need to sit your DH down and tell him in no uncertain terms that this isn't on. They are his children, too, and he needs to pitch in (changing, cleaning them up when necessary) and chase them to stay on top of their own health (teeth) just like you do. It's not your job by default.

Lizzie48 · 28/12/2017 11:42

I'm still having to remind DH about what our DDs need to do. I sometimes leave their clothes ready for them to get dressed and pop out to go shopping, as they are old enough to dress themselves (at 8 and 5), they just need to be nagged to get on with it.

I'll come back and they're still in their night clothes. And I'll ask, have they cleaned their teeth? Answer of course: no.

Original poster

Animalfarmfan · 28/12/2017 15:15

Yeah Lizzie I feel your pain.

OP posts:

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