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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really angry with dh

99 replies

Animalfarmfan · 20/12/2017 19:53

So dh works full time. I work very part time around caring for our 3 dds.
Dd3 still has toileting accidents. She clearly had one this evening as I was cooking dinner. I could hear dh ask her when she had the accident. Although he didn't know I could hear.
I carried on cooking believing dh was dealing with it.
When I served dinner I was surprised to seeds still in wet clothes. By this time dh had gone to to his Christmas party.
Aibu to think this is laziness at best and neglect at worse.

OP posts:
LipstickHandbagCoffee · 20/12/2017 21:00

Well Jane,in that case you’re peurile and juvenile if you escalate an event by soaking clothes in a bath
What lesson does that teach kids?parents argue,so one ups the ante to make a point
As opposed to a calm, ask him can you explain why dd was in wet clothes

Original poster
Animalfarmfan · 20/12/2017 21:01

Obviously not locking him out but I am still livid. Dd is fine. No rash. Had a bath and is now in bed.
All he needed to do was to help her out of wet things and get a pyjama pant on. They are kept in the lounge fgs and maybe give her a quick wipe down.

OP posts:
LizzieSiddal · 20/12/2017 21:02

I agree Lipstick

Fanciedachange17 · 20/12/2017 21:08

Selfish twat.

TammySwansonTwo · 20/12/2017 21:08

My dH usually asks me to find clothes for our twins if they need changing too but in fairness they're in different sizes so it does get a bit confusing.

QuiteLikely5 · 20/12/2017 21:10

Gosh talk about ott. Cut the bloke some slack. Doesn’t seem like there’s a back story so I’m the grand scheme of things it’s best to chill out.

No one was hurt, no one is going to carry any emotional scars from the experience so why not just mention it tomorrow at some point?

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 20/12/2017 21:13

Steady on.are you suggesting doesn't text him,dump his clothes in bath,or lock him out
That’s radical

Bonez · 20/12/2017 21:23

'H, just so you know I heard you talking to DD while I was cooking about her having an accident. Imagine my suprise to find she was still in piss wet clothes after you left for your party. Thanks for that. DD mustn't have been the least bit uncomfortable. Have a great night.'

fannyfelcher · 20/12/2017 21:26

OP, you need to ask yourself a question.

If i was relying on my OH for my toilet needs, how hurt would I be if he ignored my accident after acknowledging I had wet myself (in favour of going out)?

If it is less than "massively" then you are in the wrong. Your kid is a person too and her needs are just as, if not more important than your husbands.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 20/12/2017 21:27

W,I’m actually out and unable to respond to argumentative texts,cause I’m adult

Fanciedachange17 · 20/12/2017 21:30

I don't think it's worth a massive row. Yes, he was selfish and lazy and in a hurry to get out but he wasn't neglecting DD as he knows very well you will always look after her. Life is short, messy and difficult enough sometimes without blowing things out of proportion. I would talk to him, quietly and firmly, tomorrow when you are calm and he will be more receptive.

PoorYorick · 20/12/2017 21:30

How do you 'forget' to clean and change a child who's pissed themselves in front of you?

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 20/12/2017 21:32

Of course he should have sorted dd out,put her in clean dry clothes.he didn’t
I’d ask him tomorrow what went on,why this didn’t happen

BewareOfDragons · 20/12/2017 21:34

What a selfish jerk. I would be very angry with him. Not only did he leave her in her wet clothes, he dumped it on you to sort out, even though you were in the middle of sorting out their dinner, and would be doing all the bedtime routines and childcare for the evening while he was going to be off at party. And he couldn't spare 3 minutes?

Massive ass.

Wheresthebeach · 20/12/2017 21:34

Jeez...just talk to him tomorrow.

If this is normal behaviour then you need a proper sit down. If it's a one off then tell him he forgot to sort her out and left her soaking. See what he says.

Its not on, but unless he did it on purpose its not firing squad time. If he did decide it wasn't his job - then you need to get him more involved.

RavenLG · 20/12/2017 21:35

Don't text him. If he's out and had a drink it could cause an argument it doesn't need need.

Just ask him what he was playing at tomorrow and wake him up by throwing her pee soaked pants at his face

Bluntness100 · 20/12/2017 21:37

That's not nice. He knew she'd be uncomfortable. He left her to it. Either he is a nasty fucker to small children or he's so lazy, he's ok with being a nasty fucker to small children.

Hes just shown you a deeply unpleasant character trait. I wouldn't want to be with a man who would do that, my husband would have changed our daughter immediately or asked me to.

What other ways do you think her father will chose to neglect her going forward?

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 20/12/2017 21:38

If a man threw child’s pee soaked pants at his partner face in reaction to an omission would that be ok
Or is it only ok when it’s her to him

Lizzie48 · 20/12/2017 21:41

What I really don't get is why he would ask DD if she'd wet herself and then not do anything about it? If he hadn't seen it that would be different but since he knew about it that's just lazy.

I'd understand him running out of time, but he should have said something to you.

Mooncuplanding · 20/12/2017 21:45

I'm not usually one to excuse shitty male behaviour but some of these responses are seriously OTT

I am sure every single one of us has not immediately changed our children on having an accident. DD will not be harmed by it.

I get the impression there is more going on than this - that he doesn't pull his weight in general and you are dogsbody. That is a different conversation to 'scalding' for a singular incident which will make you sound petty.

If he's generally making you feel like you are the domestic slave, have that conversation.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 20/12/2017 21:46

he wasn't neglecting DD as he knows very well you will always look after her

Oh for crying out loud, really?! HE neglected her needs. Just because someone else will pick up the slack doesn’t mean it’s ok. The OP has said ‘he’s not hands on’. Well, frankly, fuck that for a game of soldiers. There’s no way I’d lower my standards and live with a man who isn’t ‘hands on’ with his children and will go out on the piss leaving his 4 year old in wee soaked clothes because he thinks it’s Mummy work.

Bambamber · 20/12/2017 21:50

Oh bless her, I hope she wasn't upset by this and wasn't too uncomfortable.

I would be having a stern word with him. It's in no way acceptable to knowingly leave her like that. Even if he just called you to ask you to deal with it, even though that's still crappy and not on, at least it would have meant she wasn't left in wet clothing.

bendywindy · 20/12/2017 22:05

that's horrible Sad

RavingRoo · 20/12/2017 22:08

I think with a partner like that, you might need to either help your 4 yo to become more independant when it comes to this even if it’s just coming to you.

nestletollhouse · 21/12/2017 07:04

He thought 'oh she's peed herself. Wife's job, she'll fix it. Not my problem. Better get ready for my party!'

Fuck that for a joke. That is abhorrent. My dh would never in a million years leave our ds like that. In fact he quite often is the one who gets up in the middle of the night and changes a bed wet, showers him, changes him and his bedding. And yes he works full time. It's called caring about your child.