Forgive me, this might be long..
It's dd's 12th birthday and I am pissed off with her - I need some help to get this in perspective.
Firstly, she is probably being a fairly typical 12 year old and I am the one struggling to adapt to her new stroppier self.
So, today is her birthday. It's a bit shit having a birthday so close to christmas as it does get a bit lost in all the prep / excitement for that but we have always tried to make it special for her.
She got her main present about 8 weeks ago as it was a bike and she needed it for a specific reason then. She also had a party last week with her school friends.
We were aware that today might be a bit of an anticlimax with these things already having taken place and school etc. So we organised a couple of extra gifts (hoody she wanted and a game), had cards for her. I dashed about like a mad thing after work yesterday getting a really nice cake and I set the table last night with her presents and cards.
We planned to bring her to a restaurant she really really likes for dinner which is about an hour away by car. Dh had a half day from work so in our minds it was going to be a nice family meal before we get into the madness of hosting christmas.
She got a bit stroppy when we were trying to get her out to school, not rushing, wanted to bring her brand new game to school etc so it wasn't a great start.
Picked her up after school - wished her a happy birthday as soon as I saw her. She instantly said 'Oh did you get me a birthday mocha?' I said no, I didn't know she wanted that 
. Instant change of mood and she was sullen for the rest of the 10 min journey. Dh was with me as he had finished work.
I asked her how her day was and she was a bit monosyllabic. I could feel myself getting irritated but did my best to keep a lid on it as I really didn't want to ruin her birthday with a fight.
I said we would have a quick snack before getting ready to go to XXX for dinner. She instantly said 'Oh not XXX I don't want to drive there'. The ONLY reason we were planning on going there was because the last time we ate there about a month ago she said 'I think I would like to come here for my birthday, it's my favourite restaurant' and so we thought we were planning something nice for her.
Then we got home, she was still complaining about going to XX so I said fine, we don't have to go. It's supposed to be a treat, not a punishment.
I asked her what she would like to eat for lunch and she said she didn't care and that she has no cake in her lunchbox in school. at this stage I am really getting cross but still try to salvage it for her. I could see she was sabotaging her own day but I have no idea why. I asked her to come down to see what I had (the cake) and she said 'oh is it cake? I don't want any now'
I have to admit at that stage I went up to her room and had a VERY stern word about her attitude and how ungrateful she was being and to forget going out for a nice dinner. We would stay at home and eat sausages for tea.
Dh tried to get to the bottom of why she was behaving like this but she couldn't tell him. It was like she just couldn't help herself.
She has been a bit more up and down lately mood wise but this was the worst I have seen yet.
The upshot is we're not going for dinner.dh has gone back to work. dd is upstairs in her room and I am feeling shit. This is NOT how I had imagined it. I feel sad. dh said to text him later and we can go somewhere more local for a bite to eat but tbh I am not feeling it. But I don't want to ruin the day further.
I have had a chat with her about being ungrateful and upsetting other people feel bad. She said she didn't mean to and that me being cross is ruining the day.
I wish she was 5 again :-(