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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Baby bore

77 replies

Loveache · 20/12/2017 15:59

So my DSIS has two DS aged three and one. I don't have kids and don't intend to. I'll be spending the Christmas period with our parents and she plus kids are coming to stay too from Boxing Day. The issue is that for the last three years plus the nine months of first pregnancy she has talked about literally nothing other than babies. I'm not exaggerating to say that she's barely even said 'how are you' to anyone for the duration never mind anything else.
What you get instead is a non-stop laundry list monologue about the DC. (They are nice little kids btw). It'll be something like pointing out all their clothes and demanding that you say how cute each and every item is. A list of what they've eaten for the last (feels like) month: 'He liked sweet potato but spat out peas'. 'He liked carrots' 'Nursery gave him melon'. About how the youngest can nearly walk but hasn't yet. How his hair has grown and they might get it cut. His shoes were dirty after nursery. He's wearing a different kind of nappy. He vomited last week but it was nothing. Look at his toy dog. Etc etc. This will be regularly punctuated by her pointing out the children and what they're doing at the moment. 'Look, look, he's picked up a block! Look, he's got another one the same colour! That's RED! Who's a clever boy? Isn't he clever?!'
Our mother thinks I 'should' be interested in small children because I'm a woman. Which is ridiculous, but she'll listen to baby talk for hours and blast anyone who dares to say it's dull. 'YOU were a baby once!' (Moot fucking point).
I can't escape the house for long because it's arse end of nowhere with nowhere near to go, and no car. Escaping in the house is considered beyond rude and will cause a row.
I'm dreading this frankly because I don't think I can bite my tongue and refrain from shouting Jesus Christ shut up about your kids for the whole week. So- is she being a self-centric baby bore or AIBU because I don't have kids?

OP posts:

Tinselistacky · 20/12/2017 16:02

She sounds a nightmare!! Dm of many here but wouldn't assume anyone would really give a fuck about the ins and outs of them tbh!
Hopefully Santa will bring you.nice book, or take along the Tv magazine so you can just zone out!! Smile and nod a lot too!

UrsulaPandress · 20/12/2017 16:03

Fake an illness and lie in bed with a book.

user1497357411 · 20/12/2017 16:04

She sounds a bit ... much. Self absorbed, really. Have you tried mentioning to her, that she is only talking about that one subject? If you have and that didn't work, maybe you can mention to your mum that it is a bit rude to only talk about one subject all of the time. Otherwise:
Maybe you can go for some nice long walks?

CaptainChristmas · 20/12/2017 16:04

If, as you say, you aren’t exaggerating at all, then yanbu. I have one dc and another due next month and constant talk about babies would probably bore me too!

scurryfunge · 20/12/2017 16:05

Introduce a more interesting topic of conversation like your toe nail clippings collection.

Theducksarenotmyfriends · 20/12/2017 16:09

Have you got a pet? If not pretend you've got a cat. Every time she talks about babies you talk about cats. If he picks up a red block and she mentions if say 'oh that reminds me of Fluffy's new red collar, let me show you a photo!'. Be super enthusiastic. Show millions of photos of cats. Be a total cat bore.

Alloftheboys · 20/12/2017 16:10

Prepare some topics of conversation to try and distract her.

If that fails pretend you have a tummy bug and hide upstairs with a book.

I've got kids but wouldn't want to hear about someone else's kids crap.

omBreROSE · 20/12/2017 16:11

Well it sounds like your sister got it from your Mother.
Dull.
YANBU.
Here you go

Kpo58 · 20/12/2017 16:12

It sounds like your DSIS may not have had a chance to do much else than raise her children for the last few years, hence limiting her topics of conversation.

Can you bring some kind of board/party game over when visiting the relatives so that there is a different conversational focus (at least for a little while)?

Sunshinegirl82 · 20/12/2017 16:13

I think I might get a terrible migraine that necessitates resting upstairs in the quiet for a good while!

Kentnurse2015 · 20/12/2017 16:14

Maybe she's actually a bit lonely?

Agerbilatemycardigan · 20/12/2017 16:15

Gin - lots of gin

Strokethefurrywall · 20/12/2017 16:16

Seriously just tell her to shut the fuck up.

You can be polite and said nicely "I hope you don't mind but I really don't want to talk about your kids anymore because that's all we seem to do..."
or
You can be me and every time she says something about the kids shout "BORING...."

I come from a family where we'd call each other out on our ridiculousness with some gentle ribbing. It's never descended into a row, I don't think I remember when any of us last rowed.

But if it's going to make her mad no matter what you say, you may as well lay it on the line...

KindergartenKop · 20/12/2017 16:18

Does she work? Does she have other interests to talk to her about. I worry I'm like this, especially when I was on maternity leave because all I did was BABY BABY BABY so that was all I could talk about!

Callamia · 20/12/2017 16:23

Does she do anything else? Force her into a conversation about her position on brexit negotiations?

Sounds entirely tedious, and I’d be tempted to wander off and play with the children instead of her - more chance of interesting conversation.

BestZebbie · 20/12/2017 16:24

I suggest you make a point of actively engaging with the children for a while - play on the floor with the three year old for 40 minutes or something - to show that you aren't shunning her kids.

Then come and sit back with the adults and talk about adult things with her. However, be aware that she might feel like shit if this turns into you interrogating her for her views on current tv, films, news items, fashions, breakthroughs in science etc etc and she hasn't got opinions on any of it because she has been looking after children relentlessly for 24 hours a day with no time for watching tv! Imagine she has been on a three year gap year working with orphaned baby primates in the jungle ;-)

Original poster

Loveache · 20/12/2017 16:27

She wouldn't be back at work for another year yet but I happen to know that DC number three is on the probable agenda for 2018...
And I have already put it to them, what if I had a snake? And it was all I talked about? And I tried to make you kiss my snake?
That was pfft away as 'immature' 'because I don't understand'.

I'm going to stash gin and sit in the upstairs loo with a fake upset tummy and a book, aren't I?

OP posts:

Phineyj · 20/12/2017 16:28

Kindle (loaded with thrillers). iPad and headphones (load with audio books). Take up geocaching?!

I feel your pain. My DSis was like this, but for more like 10 years. In her case I think it was anxiety. My DM was also a little like yours about it.

Original poster

Loveache · 20/12/2017 16:29

ALso, I appreciate very much that her life has been baby centric for some time. It still doesn't stop someone from asking how someone else's life is and what they've been up to for a change..

OP posts:

Phineyj · 20/12/2017 16:30

Hmm, I can see comparing GC to a snake might not go down so well, though.

Phineyj · 20/12/2017 16:35

The suggestion about primates is good. It can help in these situations to distance yourself mentally. Pretend you're making a documentary. Count how many questions you can ask her without her asking one back.

Chocness · 20/12/2017 16:35

She sounds very self absorbed although I’d say in my experience that’s normally a cover up for something else (anxiety, not feeling good enough, showing off to make herself feel more confident etc). I had a friend like this once and my goodness, it as so boring meeting up with her. I love her children but I don’t want to hear about them all the time. I feel the same way about people who just harp on about their jobs. It’s bloody boring! I would be inclined to try and massage her ego by saying what a great job she is doing with the kids blah blah blah. Maybe with some recognition which it sounds is what she is after she will pipe down a bit. Failing that you go ahead and hit that bottle safe in the knowledge that unlike her you can kick back your heels without any guilt over parenting responsibilities.

TwinklyGiraffe · 20/12/2017 16:37

How boring for you!

I have 2 kids aged 3 and 4 and could think of nothing worse than talking incessantly about them at family events.

Dull, dull, dull

CaptainChristmas · 20/12/2017 16:38

I bet the snake analogy went down well ! Maybe you could have said a cat or something..?

I had a friend who actively disliked children. Not “oh I’m a bit uncomfortable around them” or “oh no I don’t want any myself”, but more like “I hate children and refuse to have any interaction with them, even if they’re related to me”. She met my dd once when she was a baby and said “I refuse to acknowledge it is here” and did... . She has a nephew who is old enough now to recognise that she hates him, for the crime of being a child.

If you’re like that, then I think yabu, but it definitely doesn’t sound that way from your op.

It’s so hard to tell someone to tone it down about their dcs though, if they don’t have the awareness to realise they really aren’t of (that much) interest. I’m trying to think of a nice way to phrase it... It’s especially hard that your mum isn’t on board.

TwinklyGiraffe · 20/12/2017 16:38

Yawn a lot?

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