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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby bore

77 replies

Loveache · 20/12/2017 15:59

So my DSIS has two DS aged three and one. I don't have kids and don't intend to. I'll be spending the Christmas period with our parents and she plus kids are coming to stay too from Boxing Day. The issue is that for the last three years plus the nine months of first pregnancy she has talked about literally nothing other than babies. I'm not exaggerating to say that she's barely even said 'how are you' to anyone for the duration never mind anything else.
What you get instead is a non-stop laundry list monologue about the DC. (They are nice little kids btw). It'll be something like pointing out all their clothes and demanding that you say how cute each and every item is. A list of what they've eaten for the last (feels like) month: 'He liked sweet potato but spat out peas'. 'He liked carrots' 'Nursery gave him melon'. About how the youngest can nearly walk but hasn't yet. How his hair has grown and they might get it cut. His shoes were dirty after nursery. He's wearing a different kind of nappy. He vomited last week but it was nothing. Look at his toy dog. Etc etc. This will be regularly punctuated by her pointing out the children and what they're doing at the moment. 'Look, look, he's picked up a block! Look, he's got another one the same colour! That's RED! Who's a clever boy? Isn't he clever?!'
Our mother thinks I 'should' be interested in small children because I'm a woman. Which is ridiculous, but she'll listen to baby talk for hours and blast anyone who dares to say it's dull. 'YOU were a baby once!' (Moot fucking point).
I can't escape the house for long because it's arse end of nowhere with nowhere near to go, and no car. Escaping in the house is considered beyond rude and will cause a row.
I'm dreading this frankly because I don't think I can bite my tongue and refrain from shouting Jesus Christ shut up about your kids for the whole week. So- is she being a self-centric baby bore or AIBU because I don't have kids?

OP posts:
crunchymint · 20/12/2017 17:24

Agree that people like this have always been self obsessed. I know everyone drones on sometime about something others don't care about, thats life. But showing no interest in others at all is totally different.

HildaZelda · 20/12/2017 17:27

She sounds like a friend of mine who does nothing but talk endlessly about her kids, on and on and on. She literally cannot talk about anything else. A group of us went out last weekend (split about 50/50 mums/not mums) and none of the rest of the Mums were like her. She was just on a constant bloody loop. You have my sympathy OP.

Original poster
Loveache · 20/12/2017 17:28

These are making me laugh :)
Yes to running commentary!

I don't want to just leave on Boxing Day as I'd like to have some time with my parents and out of the city, it's also a bit of a nuisance journey as they're hours away.
I might buy us Cards Against Humanity or sth for when the darlings are asleep..

OP posts:
Eatalot · 20/12/2017 17:29

Im a mum and this would bore me I avoided anti natal classes and mother and baby groups for this reason.

Plus if you did have dc I doubt she would be interested. It sounds like apart from kids she has nothing else which is sad. Im not sure you will change her though.

Original poster
Loveache · 20/12/2017 17:30

Before children she was a bit of a 'no-one's job is more annoying than mine' type but at least she had some more interesting stories.

OP posts:
diddl · 20/12/2017 17:34

No, you don't have to leave on Boxing Day, but if you're having time with your mum & dad before she arrives, you surely don't have to be there for all the time that she is?

Sweetpea55 · 20/12/2017 17:41

She sounds a right boring cow

ChickenVindaloo2 · 20/12/2017 17:43

My DSis starts every story with "so..."

I find it really affected and irritating.

She also doesn't use paragraphs.

AIBU to be dreading Christmas with her?

Look OP, your sister is also on MN !

ElizabethLemon · 20/12/2017 17:47

My MIL talks a lot of boring old rubbish, not about babies but just boring rubbish. She also says my name repeatedly if I don’t respond appropriately. I’ve discussed with my H and my new tactic is to smile manically and do a thumbs up every time she says something banal. Maybe try that?

MargaretCavendish · 20/12/2017 17:55

Ah, so she just did talk about herself, but she was more interesting before? I don't think you've got much hope of getting her onto current affairs or films or something then.

I know your mum doesn't see the problem with the incessant baby chatter, but is your mum interested in talking about other things? If so, can you get her chatting about something else, perhaps while your sister fusses with the children? At least then the two of you can have a conversation and provide a bit of a break for you!

TammySwansonTwo · 20/12/2017 18:01

I'm sure my sister finds my chat about my twins dull too - she doesn't have or want kids - but a) I do at least ask about her life and b) my entire life revolves around them so I have very little else to talk about sadly.

MargaretCavendish · 20/12/2017 18:06

I'm sure my sister finds my chat about my twins dull too - she doesn't have or want kids - but a) I do at least ask about her life

Then you're fine! No one's saying you shouldn't be able to talk about the biggest thing in your life, but it just shouldn't stop you taking an interest in others.

I think many of us get like this, for many different reasons, at points in our lives. I remember when I was writing up my PhD and literally sat at my desk, in my bedroom, working on it 12+ hours a day 7 days a week I took a rare break and went to a friend's birthday drinks, and suddenly realised I had nothing to say about myself - my whole life had become concentrated on something of no more than passing interest to anyone else there. So I focused on asking people lots about themselves. I probably still wasn't exactly the most interesting company that night, but I think so long as you're showing an interest in others then it's fine to not always have much to add about yourself.

Sanshin · 20/12/2017 18:07

I find baby and kiddy talk boring as hell anyway and I do have kids.

When they were young it was all the other parents used to talk about:

"Oh josh took his first step this morning, well nearly ... "

"Oh Shannon is on solids now, is yours on solids?"

"Oh look how cute Eddie looks in his little nursery uniform!"

"What reading book is yours on? Tarquin is on level 5 already ... " - I really don't give a shit!!!

I mean, I was a loner before having kids but became a complete introvert after having them.

IHeartDodo · 20/12/2017 18:21

@MargaretCavendish that's the situation I'm in now... :S
I just talk about my cats :D

MsP0b · 20/12/2017 18:31

Set up a very tired/ recurrent headache/ hungover/ period pain preamble on the first day. Then you can retreat to your bed for a daily "lie down" when you read, shop online, text... Also if there are dogs to be walked- v handy. I cultivated this over years when only childfree member of a friendship group that takes holidays together. After a bit they twigged and realised what I was doing, supported it and all expressed envy! Haha! X

MargaretCavendish · 20/12/2017 18:39

IHeart good luck! You'll come through the other side! And in the meantime just ask people lots about themselves!

CR7987 · 20/12/2017 18:51

Lots of women become baby and kid bores.

MargaretCavendish · 20/12/2017 19:01

Lots of women become baby and kid bores.

Again, in my experience only those who previously used to talk about themselves too much (though this can be less noticeable than the baby chat). I don't have children but I think the 'oh women can't think about anything but babies when they have them' is a stereotype that's insulting to the vast majority of mothers who are still perfectly capable of caring about others' lives once they've given birth. It's like the 'bridezilla' thing - getting married doesn't turn anyway self-centred and demanding, it just makes self-centred and demanded people even more obviously so.

Kentnurse2015 · 20/12/2017 19:43

Maybe she is struggling a bit? And feels the need to talk about her children to prove to herself and everyone else that she is doing a good job?

Just to play Devils's Advocate!

JustHope · 20/12/2017 19:55

Is there a chance of spending time together when the little darlings are in bed? Maybe watching a box set or having a glass a wine and a chat.

MikeUniformMike · 20/12/2017 20:04

Change the subject, every time. Ideally, to something boring. Brexit, your tinnitus or athlete's foot, golf, your work, ... or to a hobby/interest of your parents.
She is obsessed about herself and her own. Nip it in the bud.

hellofresh · 20/12/2017 20:57

crunchymint I stll think givng her a break would be a nice gesture, and woud probably lead to much more balanced conversation. Perhaps she is a self centred bore. Perhaps she is someone who never gets any adult conversation who spends her days talk talk talking at small children trying to get them from A to B and through the day. Who's to know from what is written on this forum.

Original poster
Loveache · 26/12/2017 15:53

So bad. Next year I'm not coming. I'm not a fucking servant. The first words out of her mouth today were to ask me to cut something for a child. Non stop. Also spent money on kids' presents, and hers, and BIL. They gave me a bar of soap from the lot of them. Fed up with the self centredness tbh. Toddler has really trashed the house and she's sat going on about his scarf they lost rather than helping. Going home first thing and cannot wait.

OP posts:
Rossigigi · 26/12/2017 16:11

Jeez I used to crave conversation of something that was other than babies!

CaptainChristmas · 26/12/2017 17:14

Oh no @op. Sorry it was as bad as anticipated. She sounds really hard work. Can your mum not see now how trying it is?