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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell DS he can't go to cinema after telling in half hour ago that he could?

73 replies

Sanshin · 20/12/2017 12:59

On going issues with DS2 and his behaviour and disrespect (16). Anyway I told him he could go to cinema tonight to watch star wars since DH took his lad at weekend. So he arranged it.

Anyway I've just found the Christmas cards from MIL and SIL ripped open, money taken out and cards put back in envelopes. He'd done this yesterday and has blown the £60 contents immediately on crap (cannabis probably).

I'm fuming and so disappointed. AIBU to take back the cinema offer half hour after giving it?

OP posts:
Somethingfantastic89 · 20/12/2017 13:00

With a 16 year old, YANBU.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 20/12/2017 13:01

You can't really stop him from going, but you can say you're not going to pay for him to go.

You clearly have much bigger problems with him than the cinema. For all those who don't object to cannabis on here, I've found it to be a potential destroyer of young men's lives, in particular. It makes them lazy, lethargic, boring, depressed and greedy for someone else's money.

Original poster
Sanshin · 20/12/2017 13:02

I mean to take back the offer in paying for it since he's just blown £60 of his own Christmas money

OP posts:
RestingGrinchFace · 20/12/2017 13:04

YANBU. He sounds horrible. Any chance you could send him off to some kind of military school?

Hopeful103 · 20/12/2017 13:05

Yanbu, I would think taking the offer back as a bare minimum. His use of cannabis is far more concerning. He is 16, what business does he have using that.

Pengggwn · 20/12/2017 13:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Passmethecrisps · 20/12/2017 13:07

Of course you should take back the offer. He is 16 and is well old enough to take responsibility.

You mention cannabis use - are you comfortable with that? How is he otherwise?

Original poster
Sanshin · 20/12/2017 13:10

No the cannabis is another thread entirely. I had drug support officer around yesterday (I made the referral).

OP posts:
Homemadearmy · 20/12/2017 13:11

I would pretend not to have seen the cards and tell him to open them and pay with his Christmas money

rockshandy · 20/12/2017 13:11

For all those who don't object to cannabis on here, I've found it to be a potential destroyer of young men's lives, in particular. It makes them lazy, lethargic, boring, depressed and greedy for someone else's money.

Well said. I completely agree.

YANBU OP.

missyB1 · 20/12/2017 13:14

I’m sorry you are having to deal with this, we went through it with my middle ds when he was a teen. I know how stressful it is. It’s good that you contacted the drug support officer.
No don’t give him any money.

Pickleypickles · 20/12/2017 13:14

I think you are on a slippery slope here OP, push too hard and he will retreat further into himself and the cannabis, dont push enough and he never see his errors.
Maybe try having a really frank conversation about disappointing you and explain why the card thing is disrespectful, tell him he can go the cinema and you will still take him but you wont give hom any money to go as he should have £60 and if hes spent that on pot he should think harder next time - ask him how he thinks his poor nan would feel if he told her what he really spent the money on.
I understand however this all depends on your son, my brother would of reponded well to a disappointed talk but my friends son would almost definately hit the roof shouting and swearing.
Good luck OP.

NoSquirrels · 20/12/2017 13:15

The cards were addressed to him? So he hasn't stolen from anyone?

Ask him what he's buying with his Christmas money? Do you know for sure he's spent it already?

GertrudeCB · 20/12/2017 13:17

Fuck that ywbu to still pay. Ground his arse!

bretonknickers · 20/12/2017 13:28

Personally, I'd make him telephone whoever gifted the money and apologise for opening it early and wasting it on crap.

bretonknickers · 20/12/2017 13:29

(probably pre-warn MIL and FIL as you're using it as a parenting technique so they're not too hurt or pissed off about it but that's what I would do)

GabsAlot · 20/12/2017 13:30

hold on th cards were for him?

arent they his to do as he pleases within reason

Greenshoots1 · 20/12/2017 13:30

For all those who don't object to cannabis on here, I've found it to be a potential destroyer of young men's lives, in particular. It makes them lazy, lethargic, boring, depressed and greedy for someone else's money.

absolutly.

and in the long run, unmotivated, unqualified, unreliable and heading for poorer outcomes all round with life long consequences

bretonknickers · 20/12/2017 13:33

hold on th cards were for him?

arent they his to do as he pleases within reason

If it is cannabis, that can't be seen as "reasonable", surely?

Viviennemary · 20/12/2017 13:39

Was it his money. Even if it was then you are right to be annoyed. I think stopping him going to the cinema wouldn't do much good but don't give him money to go. I do object to cannabis. And it is addictive and mood altering. But I agree that too much punishing can be counter-productive.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 20/12/2017 13:41

How exactly do you ground a 16 year old Gertrude?

OP find out what he's done with the money as it sounds like you're not certain it's been spent on cannabis. At least he's still interested in doing other things like cinema. My experience of kids on this is that lose interest in most other things. A frank discussion is the way forward, if he'll listen!

Viviennemary · 20/12/2017 13:43

Some of the replies on here. Shock Grounding a 16 year old??? Making him ring up people and apologise and say he spent the money on cannabis??? Why not stocks and a plaque saying I take drugs. Ridiculous!

SlothMama · 20/12/2017 13:44

I wouldn't be taking him anywhere or paying for the trip.

lljkk · 20/12/2017 13:44

In my culture a gift like that could be opened early. I think the 'early' is part of OP's objection, but I can't share the objection.

£60 if he was at high risk of cannabis purchase was gonna be an equally lousy gift choice next Monday, too.

So from my perspective, nothing has changed from when OP said she would help make the cinema trip possible. Therefore U to cancel it.

Katedotness1963 · 20/12/2017 13:44

His cards, or family cards? If they are his cards he's only wasted his money.