Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To tell DS he can't go to cinema after telling in half hour ago that he could?

73 replies

Sanshin · 20/12/2017 12:59

On going issues with DS2 and his behaviour and disrespect (16). Anyway I told him he could go to cinema tonight to watch star wars since DH took his lad at weekend. So he arranged it.

Anyway I've just found the Christmas cards from MIL and SIL ripped open, money taken out and cards put back in envelopes. He'd done this yesterday and has blown the £60 contents immediately on crap (cannabis probably).

I'm fuming and so disappointed. AIBU to take back the cinema offer half hour after giving it?

OP posts:

Evelynismyspyname · 20/12/2017 14:57

Greenshoots that was posted after your post, and if you read the entire post you will see that the poster is talking from experience about how being reactively authoritarian can backfire.

lljkk · 20/12/2017 14:59

Can someone post link to "children working as slaves in UK cannabis factories"?

My brothers were/are drug addicts so sympathies there. I'm not sure how the early receipt of the £60 made a difference to OP's original question, though.

Greenshoots1 · 20/12/2017 15:44

evelyn, that was one of several posts along the lines of "ah well, teens smoke cannabis" no they don't and no responsible parent ever allows it.

lljkk the UK cannanbis industry is run on the slave labour of trafficked Asian boys, largely, I have met many of them when they have been freed by the police and taken to social services, however it is not a secret, it is widely known, and you can research it for yourself.

GertrudeCB · 20/12/2017 15:52

And yes I have 2 now adult DC that , as you would expect, have gone through the teenage years. And I stand by my comment.

lljkk · 20/12/2017 16:19

Every link I find about trafficked kids & cannabis farms also mentions nail bars & prostitution. Only 1/5th of those referred to NSPCC child trafficking services are Asian kids (unless Afghans count as Asians).

Forbes reckons that over half of the world's trafficking can be linked to construction, manufacturing and mining industries. Fishing & agriculture also near the top of that league table. I'm not sure many of us can claim much moral high ground on this one.

MyDcAreMarvel · 20/12/2017 16:22

Of course people ground 16 year olds, they are still children . Many are still in high school.

RainbowDashed · 20/12/2017 16:29

Of course people ground 16 year olds, if they are compliant enough to accept the grounding.

If a 6ft boy refuses to be grounded how exactly do you enforce it?

I sometimes wonder if all these posters who think it's so easy have children no older than 9 or 10

omBreROSE · 20/12/2017 16:35

Yes! Please let me know how one grounds an enormous 16 yr old?
If they are the compliant type, you wouldn’t need to do it in the gist place
So, massive, furious and daft 6 footer wants out!
How does the grounding take place.
I only had to ground my eldest once, not grounding as such - more like prevention of attending a suspect party!
We hid all available footwear!
This only worked as we were rural then- any closer to his mates and lm sure they would have helped him out.

MyDcAreMarvel · 20/12/2017 16:38

Rainbow, no my eldest is 19.

Gingernaut · 20/12/2017 16:38

I used to work in the CJS in a particular field.

Vietnamese names were extremely common with regard to cannabis farm discoveries.

www.theguardian.com/society/2017/mar/25/trafficked-enslaved-teenagers-tending-uk-cannabis-farms-vietnamese

lazymum99 · 20/12/2017 16:45

With previous experience of this - coming down on them like a ton of bricks as per Greenshoots is not going to help in the long run. Pushing them even further away. We went through many occasions with a 'stoned' son, it was awful.
I would not stop him going to the cinema. Interest in socialising and watching a film is a good sign that all is not lost. And that £60 would have been spent on cannabis whether today or on the 25th december.

DixieNormas · 20/12/2017 16:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Evelynismyspyname · 20/12/2017 17:52

What about the fact that the cinema trip was offered in order to treat Sanshin 's son the same as his step brother?

Offering to pay for him to watch StarWars because He stepfather paid for his step brother to see it is unconnected to opening his own Christmas cards early.

Greenshoots1 · 20/12/2017 18:06

I sometimes wonder if all these posters who think it's so easy have children no older than 9 or 10

no, I have teens, and teach teens, and grounding 6 foot tall 16 year olds is perfectly normal, in normal families with normal parental control.

Of course, once drugs are involved normal relationships go out of the window ( not a dig OP, I know in your case you are doing everything you can to fight it)

I agree a cinema trip with friends is a healthy evening for a 16 year old boy

Original poster

Sanshin · 20/12/2017 18:13

I feel a bit guilty now.

It was his cards he opened but one was a gift wallet with money in wrapped like a present. It's not so much the fact that he opened them early, it's the fact that he opened them, took the money out and then left the actual cards discarded on the dining room table. He didn't even acknowledge that he'd seen them. All he wanted was the money and he didn't care who they were from or what they were for.

So yeah it is completely unconnected to the cinema trip I suppose. I'm just pissed that he took the money without any acknowledgment and blew it within hours.

I might tell him he can go to cinema Friday night if he tidies his room.

OP posts:

lazymum99 · 20/12/2017 19:56

"Of course, once drugs are involved normal relationships go out of the window"

Exactly this.

Nanny0gg · 20/12/2017 20:06

I might tell him he can go to cinema Friday night if he tidies his room.

Really??

AcrossthePond55 · 20/12/2017 23:59

Seriously? "Tidies his room"?

He can go to the cinema IF he has the money to pay for it. You aren't seriously contemplating giving him money if he 'tidies his room'?

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 21/12/2017 00:06

Too late now but might’ve given him something to grumble about if you said he could go so long as he wrote out decent thank you cards first - long ones detailing what he spent the money on as he was clearly so keen to open the envelopes he just left all the rubbish lying about.

Good luck OP.

Evelynismyspyname · 21/12/2017 05:53

She offered to pay because his stepdad paid for his brother Across - that's nothing to do with having opened his Christmas cards. If the parents paid for one brother then paying for the other is unconnected to whether he could pay for himself.

FireCracker2 · 21/12/2017 07:51

You are never going to be able to.punish a 16 yr old out of taking weed.You have to.make him want to stop. That is why you need to.preserve the lines if communication with him at all costs

oldcrownie · 21/12/2017 08:29

I confess I have no experience of drugs but I have a 2 teenage boys (15&18). I would not stop him from going to the cinema because it's the sort of healthy activity you want to encourage, especially if it's with non drug friends.

GabsAlot · 21/12/2017 13:42

slav labour?

why has it helpd people then with ms and cancer and some places its perfectly legal and hasnt killed a single person

yes he was rude to discard the cards op thats somthing that needs addressing

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread