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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give the teachers any present?

96 replies

Jedimum1 · 20/12/2017 11:50

My DD has just started reception, so I'm new to school politics, Christmas expectations, etc.

Her teachers are lovely, the school is amazing and I'm really grateful we had a space. However, I m buried in debt and have only just sorted out a massive loan to consolidate it. I have a part time job that is going to very barely cover the minimum expenses if I am super organized. I am struggling to end the month at zero and I had to tell my family that this year I cannot send presents, I'm only buying for the children and DH, and I've reduced the money I could spend on them too.

I saw today some parents giving presents to the teacher. My DD has 3 staff members in her room, plus 2 at front desk.

I also have a younger child in Nursery, where he has 2 key workers, plus an apprentice and reception staff. Totals about 6 staff members I have regular contact with, a few more that I don't really see much.

AIBU to only write a Christmas card saying how much I appreciate what they do? Would it be ok to get a £2 roses box for each of them? How do I make them feel valuable without spending more than £30 total? I don't even have that £30, that would actually be taken out from out New Year's meal, as I haven't got any more money around. The compromise on getting the loan was that I'd pay all credit cards and cancel them to avoid getting into this mess again, so I cannot rely on that.

I think I need to start putting £10/month on the side for next year! :(

OP posts:
DeloresJaneUmbridge · 20/12/2017 12:08

That's a tad cold twiney, teachers aren't quite the same as bin men and supermarket workers. Most do the job because they have a passion to help the next generation grow and learn. They also put in lots of unpaid hours and go above and beyond the call of duty at times. my son is in Y10 now but I will always remember with affection his wonderful Y1 teacher who made so much effort to help a small autistic child feel safe in her classroom and make sense of his day.

DeloresJaneUmbridge · 20/12/2017 12:10

Ah twiney I see you've met one teacher in a posh area so know now how ALL teachers function. Yeah....you're an expert then Hmm

OP you say you are happy with the care and introduction to school life your child has had. Why not write that in a card because I guarantee it will be appreciated,

Aki99 · 20/12/2017 12:10

I wasn't aware this was a thing - I don't remember it at my school./ I might buy something for a favourite teacher but this is another case of expectation (parents?) that we can do without

Aki99 · 20/12/2017 12:11

Definitely do the card

Original poster
Jedimum1 · 20/12/2017 12:11

Oh, thank you so much! I was really worrying! I'll write a thoughtful card for them and ask my DC to decorate them.

I had not thought about baking, that's a really nice idea! I'll check in Pounland for nice plastic bags to put some cookies in. Thank you so much!!!

OP posts:
twiney · 20/12/2017 12:12

@DeloresJaneUmbridge

"Most do the job because they have a passion to help the next generation grow and learn."

No. Some do, and are fantastic at the job.

Many do it from lack of any better idea, long holidays, and "hauls".

They already get compensated for their work, its called a salary.

Still not sure why you think a teacher deserves a bottle of wine but not a bin man. I know which job I would rather take!

crumbsinthecutlerydrawer · 20/12/2017 12:13

I don’t do Xmas gifts for teachers. If they’ve been particularly good teachers that the dc have loved they get an end of year present but nothing massive and I try to go by what the dcs have told me about them throughout the year rather than generic candles and wine.

A parent in one of my dcs classes one year decided to organise a collection two days before the end of term because she was ‘stressing about what to get them for xmas’ and asked for £10 from each parent, with two follow up emails. I said no and didn’t feel guilty at all, I hate that sort of pressure, not my fault if she wants to stress about unnecessary present buying. Also I give a lot of my time throughout the year volunteering, which I know is more appreciated than presents. I do realise not everyone can do this. The teachers were very uncomfortable when presented with the cash.

cantmakecarrotcake · 20/12/2017 12:13

Something I'm grateful my daughter's class does, is all club together to buy the teachers something. The suggested donation is £5 per family, and each child signs a sticker that gets stuck in a big card. The teacher, TA and cover teacher each get a lovely gift, rather than lots of little things. It takes a willing volunteer or 2 to organise it and shop though.

But don't spend money you don't have. As others say, get your dc to write/draw a card and write a little thank you message in it. Or they could even make a little Xmas decoration (card bauble or something).

Ilikesweetpeas · 20/12/2017 12:13

I'm a teacher, please please don't worry about this. A card is lovely and is enough. I would hate to think a family bought a gift they couldn't afford. Spend your money on your children

StrawBasket · 20/12/2017 12:14

Of course don't buy anything! you never have to for a start. Simply write a nice card, or better help your child make one or at least do a nice drawing in it. I don't think teachers judge parents on the gift they get!

I could not disagree more with twiney, it might sound like just a job for some people, but my children are involved and there's never anything wrong with being kind. My kids teachers spend a lot of time and energy teaching and entertaining the children, for not that much money. I am grateful and happy to say so.

But again, a card is fine!

redexpat · 20/12/2017 12:16

Yanbu. They do get paid.

Xmasgrinch · 20/12/2017 12:20

Homemade card with a heartfelt thanks mentioning a specific thing DD enjoyed this year will be preferred to any present.

brogueish · 20/12/2017 12:20

Just knowing that they are appreciated would honestly be the best gift that you could give - a card saying that would be perfect.

ButchyRestingFace · 20/12/2017 12:21

No. Some do, and are fantastic at the job

Many do it from lack of any better idea, long holidays, and "hauls".

You seem to be suggesting that more people enter teaching for want of better options than for vocational reasons?

newmumwithquestions · 20/12/2017 12:22

A card is good.

If you can, get your DC to do little drawings in them to make them personal.

I’m sure all of the teachers/assistants would rather you had a less stressful Christmas than tried to get them something when you can afford it.

newmumwithquestions · 20/12/2017 12:23
  • can’t afford it!
Queenofthedrivensnow · 20/12/2017 12:25

I asked the teachers this year I have two in primary now plus they go to after school child care. I told them all I usually get biscuits or chocolate they said yes please any food stuff is so nice! So I bought 3 big bags of roses they were £3.50 each - wrapped and can be split to take home between staff. All the staff got handmade cards the kids made. I think that was more than enough - total spend for 2 kids about £12 inc cards. That is more then enough!
Op please don't feel you have to spend £30!!

Queenofthedrivensnow · 20/12/2017 12:27

And don't underestimate a handmade card. I'm a sw and don't get stuff from my work children often but there's a handmade card on my dresser saying 'x is a fantastic sw' that I've had 3 years......very meaningful!

whiskyowl · 20/12/2017 12:28

I think a heartfelt letter of thanks that is really thoughtful and personal is every bit as meaningful as a gift, if not more so.

justforthisthread101 · 20/12/2017 12:30

Our teachers get a homemade card and some homemade shortbread. With a block of butter, flour, cornflour and sugar, I make about 50 biscuits and give them a dozen or so each. Costs me about £2 to make the full batch of biscuits. I have some little boxes and tissue paper that I bought ages ago on ebay (think I paid about a tenner for 20 of them?) so sure you could get some in Poundland for very little.

I have one teacher who once, when I didn't give her them as were afraid she was bored with them, came looking for them Grin

So, yes, you can do something that is really appreciated for very little cost.

Knittedfairies · 20/12/2017 12:33

Retired teacher here; I treasured the cards and letters I received at Christmas and when I left. Please don't feel obliged to give a gift.

WhooooAmI24601 · 20/12/2017 12:34

I teach Reception and would be so upset if a family went without anything in order to buy me a Christmas gift; the best things I've ever received are the hand-drawn cards and notes at christmas. Get your children to make a card if you've time, if not a card from you saying how appreciated they are will be more than enough.

There's no expectation at Christmas; I teach because I just adore my job, not for wine or chocolates. Don't feel pressured because of what other families do. Their children don't get any kind of special treatment for having bought gifts.

Strictly1 · 20/12/2017 12:35

A thank you is enough honestly. I receive lots of gifts and whilst grateful a thank you in a card is something I keep and treasure and costs nothing but time.

Whinesalot · 20/12/2017 12:35

I would have been horrified to think that people spent money they didn't have, on me.

Please just send the card and maybe get the DC's to make something (not food though)

rainuntilseptember · 20/12/2017 12:36

Many do it from lack of any better idea, long holidays, and "hauls"
hahaha I've seriously heard it all now, people go into teaching because they have heard the presents at Christmas are great?? What nonsense.

If you were so minded surely a job providing a Christmas bonus, and an all-expenses-paid night out would be a better choice?

I think a lot of people do tip their postie, refuge collector and hairdressers at Christmas actually.

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