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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

15 year old boy. Phone in room overnight. Yay or nay?

68 replies

Dontfuckingsaycheese · 19/12/2017 15:49

We once had a no phone in room overnight rule. I let it slide. I want to reintroduce it. DS, naturally says IABVU.
I will just get it out there that DS does have ASC and can, on occasion, EXPLODE if try to implement something and he is PARTICULARLY attached to his tech. I do have to pick my battles.
He is really hard to get up (virtually impossible this morning) and despite a nice relaxing bedtime routine I then heard his deep booming voice booming through the quiet house and caught him on group chat to friends though he denied it.
We don't have an unreasonably early bedtime but we are trying for earlier as we are both (me and him, there is no DH, DP or DF) knackered as he started a new school last week and now has to be up at least an hour earlier.

So basically. Yay or nay??

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 19/12/2017 15:53

Nay, nay and thrice nay (to phone in room overnight). Face it, if he wasn't going to use it, it wouldn't be a problem.

Original poster
Dontfuckingsaycheese · 19/12/2017 15:55

Oh yes BM. Excellent point. I shall probably use that later.

OP posts:
MustRememberTheLInFingerling · 19/12/2017 15:55

My older dc are 16 and 14. I try to implement no phone in room after 10ish on school nights with some mixed success!

Mostly though they leave them switched off in my room overnight Sun-Thurs. I leave mine downstairs (that whole leading by example thing) which I found hard at first so I do empathise with them.

But it does at least make them get out of bed in the morning so every cloud Grin

Animation86 · 19/12/2017 15:56

Nooooooope

My 14 yr old sis is a nightmare for her phone in the night

smartiecake · 19/12/2017 15:57

I would hold off as long as you can. If he is still at school I'd say no. My son is younger but has autism. He is obsessive with technology so there is no way I would allow it. It would cause so many extra problems that I don't currently have.

Original poster
Dontfuckingsaycheese · 19/12/2017 15:57

Ps. At his age I am not overly worried about what he's doing (though it does concern me I doubt I could stop it). It's the fact that he is not sleeping.

OP posts:
saladdays66 · 19/12/2017 15:57

No way.
All tech downstairs overnight.

Cathpot · 19/12/2017 15:57

DH has set up a thing on DD’s phone ( curbi possibly? ) which turns all her apps off at a set time in the evening . It seems a less confrontational way of restricting access as she doesn’t have to physically hand it over.

Brandnewstart · 19/12/2017 15:59

No in my house for my 13 yr old. He had ADHD and his slee is rubbish even with meds. I know he would be on it all night if he had the opportunity. In fact, the only tech he does have in there is a CD player for audio books (horrible mother).

Trb17 · 19/12/2017 16:00

No phone in room after bedtime.

This is absolute rule in our house and no exceptions.

I can’t tell you how much trouble I witness with friends DC who have access and use it.

Like a PP above. If he’s not using it it’s no problem not to have it in the room.

Original poster
Dontfuckingsaycheese · 19/12/2017 16:01

Thanks all. I can feel my resolve strengthening. :-)

OP posts:
Original poster
Dontfuckingsaycheese · 19/12/2017 16:02

I am also going to lead by example and leave mine downstairs. I now have a separate alarm I can use so I don't have that excuse.

OP posts:
MustRememberTheLInFingerling · 19/12/2017 16:02

That’s why we do it - dc2 has always struggled with sleep so we’ve talked the back lit screen/blue light thing to death.

They both know it is a sleep issue rather than bullying/inappropriateness at this stage, especially the 16yo. Which is why we’ve compromised on it being school nights only that it is enforced.

ClaryFray · 19/12/2017 16:04

Yanbu. I used to have mine in my room at night, but it doubled up as an alarm clock cause my mum wasn't a morning person and was still in bed when I left the house.

Compromise? Maybe he can have it but it has to go the other side of the room and stay there. A few spot checks then he loses it anyway, cause he won't follow the rule. Then to him you gave him the chance? X

Redcrayons · 19/12/2017 16:05

Sometimes I let it go on a weekend but school nights absolutely no chance.

I wont even allow a tv in their rooms.

JustHope · 19/12/2017 16:06

Nay. If it’s anything like DDs phone it’s constantly lit up with Snapchat messages and group chats. The temptation to respond or look at these means zero chance of a peaceful sleep so phone has to go downstairs at night. DD tried to use the excuse that she needed it as an alarm - I gave her an alarm clock Wink

etap · 19/12/2017 16:07

Any chance of turning the wifi off at a certain time?

Original poster
Dontfuckingsaycheese · 19/12/2017 16:08

See I would never have a TV in his room. That was decided about 14 years ago when I read about the disapproval of them on here!
Yet here he is, he has a room crammed with tech. TV least of worries now!

OP posts:
Nesssie · 19/12/2017 16:09

Can you turn off the wifi at night? If he doesn't have much data it should him going on facebook/face timing etc?

Original poster
Dontfuckingsaycheese · 19/12/2017 16:10

Hmm. Turned off WIFI led to a hole in the door. :-( I did try. Plus he knows way more than me about all this stuff and has blocked me from internet before.

Not me being crap people. Just trying to handle it the right way this time.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dontfuckingsaycheese · 19/12/2017 16:10

Ps he has fuckloads of data.

Listen to me. I'm a bloody enabler.

OP posts:
Twinkie1 · 19/12/2017 16:13

DS 13 and DD 17 and we have no phones upstairs after dinner. They cannot be trusted not to reply to pathetic nonsensical WhatsApp messages which their friends send to them way past midnight.

DD will lose her Amazon Fire stick after Christmas too until she has sat her A Levels because she can't help but sit up for hours watching drivel on TV when she is supposed to be getting a good nights sleep.

After her A Levels her life is hers to fuck up but whilst she's under my roof I'm still the boss.

MountCrumpit · 19/12/2017 16:15

A family member of mine leaves her 2 and 4yo's with their iPads all night......
-judging-

mookinsx · 19/12/2017 16:18

i used to have mine - but if i got caught p late on it there was consequences
i did use my phone as an alarm and loved the independence of getting myself up and ready

(mum on hand with a cup of tea if i over slept of course)

LordSugarWillSeeYouNow · 19/12/2017 16:19

My ds is nearly 15 ( year 10 ) and I've always allowed his phone in his room overnight. I'm pretty strict with screen times on school nights and it's Xbox etc off at 10 and then he puts a playlist on his phone and drops off.

Don't get me wrong, there have been times when I've heard youtube or whatever and i give him that one chance or it's out and he knows I will do it.
He's a good kid, gets up early for his shower every morning and is doing extremely well in school.
Once he starts his revision after Christmas for his GCSEs I will re-evaluate the situation. He is sitting some next year and the rest in year 11 and I don't know how it will affect him ( AS and anxiety )

Whenever I make any changes we always have a good talk about things first and he knows that all decisions are made with his best interests.
I appreciate my situation is probably not the norm but it works for us- for now!