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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

15 year old boy. Phone in room overnight. Yay or nay?

68 replies

Dontfuckingsaycheese · 19/12/2017 15:49

We once had a no phone in room overnight rule. I let it slide. I want to reintroduce it. DS, naturally says IABVU.
I will just get it out there that DS does have ASC and can, on occasion, EXPLODE if try to implement something and he is PARTICULARLY attached to his tech. I do have to pick my battles.
He is really hard to get up (virtually impossible this morning) and despite a nice relaxing bedtime routine I then heard his deep booming voice booming through the quiet house and caught him on group chat to friends though he denied it.
We don't have an unreasonably early bedtime but we are trying for earlier as we are both (me and him, there is no DH, DP or DF) knackered as he started a new school last week and now has to be up at least an hour earlier.

So basically. Yay or nay??

OP posts:
CPtart · 19/12/2017 19:49

DS1 15 charges his phone in his room overnight (opposite end of large bedroom). All screens off at ten though, there are spot checks and the first time he's caught using it after this time it will be removed permanently.

LemonadeRemedy · 19/12/2017 19:59

This is interesting to read. My son is quite a bit younger at 13 but as it is the holidays I have agreed he can have his phone in his room overnight (WiFi gets turned off at 11 though).

During term time he has to leave it in my bedroom at 9 o clock (bed at 10) and then isn't allowed it until he's ready for school in the morning.

cariadlet · 19/12/2017 20:18

dd is 15. She's allowed her phone in her room at weekends and holidays, but not on a school night. She has no will power and I know that it would affect her sleep.

She brings her phone downstairs to charge. I work late most nights and hear her alerts come through. I can't believe how late her friends message her or post something on Instagram. I have to admit I'm a bit judgy about their parents.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 19/12/2017 20:18

I fought this battle until my twins were 16 and had finished GCSEs. After that I decided to let them self regulate. It's worked with one (now nearly 17) but the other isn't getting nearly enough sleep and it shows in her mood and performance at 6th form.

LegallyBrunet · 20/12/2017 00:03

Nope. My 15 year old brother's phone comes in my room to charge overnight as he was staying up to play on past his bedtime and my 14 year sister's phone goes downstairs so she can't text her friends or Snapchat or whatever it is kids are doing now

Brandnewstart · 20/12/2017 08:15

I really think it's not just about sleep, it's also about not having time 'off' from being in constant contact. My sister, who lectures in Psychology, believes there is a real link between mental health and social media etc.

WeatherDependent · 20/12/2017 08:35

Nope & it's non negotiable!

However mine are younger teens, the rule is once you start contributing to the mortgage you get to choose the rules Wink

Original poster
Dontfuckingsaycheese · 20/12/2017 14:14

Decision was kind of taken out of my hands last night. DS knackered had fallen asleep in his clothes about 8pm so I gently pointed him towards his pyjamas. and plugged his phone in to charge next to him
He breaks up tomorrow. Maybe something to tackle for the new year...

OP posts:
MustRememberTheLInFingerling · 20/12/2017 15:03

I think perhaps you’re right. Start talking about it now so it’s not a nasty shock in a fortnight!

I tend to find with mine that they can get their unhappiness about it out of their systems so that when it actually happens, they’re used to the idea.

It’s a bit like when they’re toddlers and you give them 5 minute warnings that you’re going to be leaving somewhere...

actually a lot of parenting teens seems similar to parenting toddlers but without the shitty nappies Wink

Iprefercoffeetotea · 20/12/2017 16:24

Mine keeps his phone because he has loads of music on it and he likes to listen to it in bed. I used to listen to my old-style walkman in bed so I don't have a problem with that.

But the first time he's tired for school because he was watching a video at 2am - away it goes. He's not on social media.

blackdoggotmytongue · 20/12/2017 16:39

Mine has his phone overnight (15)
He only has one more school year after this one, and I know that I have to let him make his own mistakes. If I attempt to rule his life with a rod of iron now, then I absolutely know that I will be chucking away a years worth of cash on him failing first year uni because he won’t self regulate.
So we are attempting to allow him to self regulate and provide him with gentle background guidance Confused
His older sister had her phone all night. The deal was that as long as her academics didn’t drop, she was responsible for managing her choices. She’s at uni at 17 and managed to combine five nights of dance, lifeguarding, and a pt teaching gig with her phone in her room all night from 14 Grin
Ds is quite capable of getting himself out of bed for basketball at 6am on the one day he has it. He is completely incapable of getting up for school every other day. The issue is not his phone - it’s that he finds school less appealing than his bed. Smile

foxyloxy78 · 20/12/2017 18:14

Hell no!

BackBoiler · 20/12/2017 18:50

My eldest is 9 and he hasn't got a phone yet. However the apprentice my DH is mentoring at work is ADDICTED to his phone. He cannot go a few minutes without checking it and it is very detrimental to his work. I am already worried about the right approach to this when the time comes.

IncyWincyGrownUp · 20/12/2017 19:05

Myneldest isn’t permitted to have her phone in her room without permission. This makes me the most mean and evil person ever apparently.

The router is being programmed to boot everyone but me off at specific times soon, it’s a new router and I haven’t got around to it. This will also be evidence of my horrid nature.

Teens!

Sallystyle · 20/12/2017 19:09

At this age I'm all for him learning to self regulate, take calculated risks and stuffer a few natural consequences along the way.

Same here. My 14 and 16 year old are allow their phones in their rooms over night. If they spend all night on it and are tired the next day that is their shit to deal with and learn from.

If they continue to do it and not learn from it then I would take it away, but I find teens usually learn after a time or two of doing it. I am all for self-regulation unless they prove they can't do it and the consequences are too big.

Original poster
Dontfuckingsaycheese · 21/12/2017 07:44

"but I find teens usually learn after a time or two of doing it"
Bear
If only...

OP posts:
Original poster
Dontfuckingsaycheese · 21/12/2017 07:44

We're still working on our bedtime routine!

OP posts:
JustHope · 21/12/2017 09:02

I really think it's not just about sleep, it's also about not having time 'off' from being in constant contact. My sister, who lectures in Psychology, believes there is a real link between mental health and social media etc.

I really agree with this. It is important to have a break from being switched on all the time. Never before have people been so available and it is having a big impact on MH. Teens will go into panic at being somewhere with no wifi. DD had a total meltdown once about not being able to ‘send her streaks’ because we had no WiFi and she had used her data.

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