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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

15 year old boy. Phone in room overnight. Yay or nay?

68 replies

Dontfuckingsaycheese · 19/12/2017 15:49

We once had a no phone in room overnight rule. I let it slide. I want to reintroduce it. DS, naturally says IABVU.
I will just get it out there that DS does have ASC and can, on occasion, EXPLODE if try to implement something and he is PARTICULARLY attached to his tech. I do have to pick my battles.
He is really hard to get up (virtually impossible this morning) and despite a nice relaxing bedtime routine I then heard his deep booming voice booming through the quiet house and caught him on group chat to friends though he denied it.
We don't have an unreasonably early bedtime but we are trying for earlier as we are both (me and him, there is no DH, DP or DF) knackered as he started a new school last week and now has to be up at least an hour earlier.

So basically. Yay or nay??

OP posts:
INeedToEat · 19/12/2017 16:22

I let my 15 yr old keep his phone at bed times (10pm on a school night). To my knowledge hes never used it past his bed time (its attached to my account). I used to do spot checks and never had an issue.

At this age I'm all for him learning to self regulate, take calculated risks and stuffer a few natural consequences along the way.

Liliywil · 19/12/2017 16:29

NAY! of course. Switching off the wifi would be the most perfect idea. Getting the phone from him in the night might cause arguments and could affect on your relationship with him.

gillybeanz · 19/12/2017 16:32

My dd has had her phone in her room since being 11, at first I wasn't happy about it, but had no say.
You do have to be able to trust them and teach them about internet safety.
They need to understand about cyber bullying more than anything as you can restrict other activity if you have settings and link to a device of your own.
Now at nearly 14, I know she is fine and apart from a bit of composing or educational apps for her languages she doesn't use it at night.

thatcunningstunt · 19/12/2017 16:34

At this age I'm all for him learning to self regulate

Agreed. I remember having my phone in my room all night when I was 15 however those were the days of Snake and so there wasn't much damage I could do really (except to my eyes).

*A family member of mine leaves her 2 and 4yo's with their iPads all night......
-judging- *

The mind boggles ...

sonjadog · 19/12/2017 16:35

I am teacher of 16-18 year olds and I would really, really strongly encourage parents to take on the battle to stop use of tech devices at night. It has a huge effect on how pupils perform at school the next day. I've seen really good pupils fall by several grades because they are only getting 3-4 hours sleep a night due to computer games/ social media etc.

DB24 · 19/12/2017 16:41

It's a no for me. We get round it by charging all phones in the kitchen. They are taken from them half an hour before bed. I also have monitoring software on their phones which switches them off at set times. My reasons are as sonjadog highlighted, lack of sleep. I know when I spend too much time on the phone my sleep patterns are interrupted.

WhooooAmI24601 · 19/12/2017 16:41

Nope house rule is no tech in rooms overnight. I'm sure once they're older I'll relax the rule but at the minute there's no need for it.

DS2 (who is 6, so not anywhere near to being a teen) had a mate sleep over a few months back who came armed with his iPhone and sat texting his Mum as though it was the most normal thing on earth. DS2's christmas list to santa contained an iPhone and Santa laughed like a drain when he asked for one when we saw him recently. It's a bit bonkers.

becotide · 19/12/2017 16:42

Dontfuckingsaycheese

I come from a postion of experience and empathy here.

but you need to take the phone at night. And if he makes holes in the door, sell his stuff to pay for the door to be replaced. And if he kicks you off the internet, have the internet cut off.

You really do need to win this. Pick your battles, certainly - pick this one. Our ASC kids are so socially vulnerable on social media, he doesn't need that crap at night when he can't sleep.

I let a lot of stuff slide at home - none-aggressive swearing, table manners, walking around in just pants - but those devices come downstairs at 8 30 pm on a school night and 10 at the weekend, furthermore his pc is password protected and only I know the password. He's 14, year 10, and I know this isn't unusual for his age

TheSnowFairy · 19/12/2017 16:43

No phones upstairs at night here for either DS1 (15), DS2 (13) and DD (9) leaves her Kindle downstairs too.

We have never allowed them overnight, DS1's buzzes constantly during the day with inane group chat so he needs a rest from it!

gillybeanz · 19/12/2017 16:45

Doesn't it depend on what they are doing?
Mine regularly has to do her homework after 9pm as she doesn't finish her commitments until this time.
She isn't on social media as she hasn't the time, but revision is sometimes done during the night if needs be.

jelliebelly · 19/12/2017 16:45

Absolutely not - all screens off for an hour before bed here - dh and I too

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 19/12/2017 16:45

YANBU. As Barb said, if he's not going to use it it doesn't need to be in his room overnight. If he complains it suggests he does want to use it, and that's a no no. Sleep is far more important than online shite, and with the best will in the world it's hard not to check a phone when the screen lights up.

321namechange · 19/12/2017 16:51

All phones left in the kitchen overnight, including Ds's friends' if here for a sleepover. Yr9 boys.

becotide · 19/12/2017 16:52

No, it doesn't depend what they're doing. I don't let my kids have commitments that impact on their sleep.

becotide · 19/12/2017 16:53

I don't allow homework after 9pm - if it still needs doing, they need to drop a club and do it, or get up earlier. It's so very unhealthy to be working right up until bedtime.

gillybeanz · 19/12/2017 17:04

Mine starts at 8.00am and is usually up for breakfast and in dining room for about 7.15, before this she showers, so up at 6.30
There are no clubs apart from scouts and that's her only non compulsory commitment and she loves this.
Prep, often takes until 11pm, longer if she has revision.
Luckily, she's never needed much sleep and catches up during the holidays.

becotide · 19/12/2017 17:07

11pm is so late, gillybeans. She's not even getting 8 hours a night and she's still a child. There is no true "catching up" and her cognitive function will be impaired. A 16 hour and 30 minutes long day, working right up until bedtime - is a sad existence and I'm surprised you accept it for your daughter.

becotide · 19/12/2017 17:08

I'm not being reactionary, I am hand on heart shocked. I expend a lot of energy making sure my anxious teenager gets enough sleep, it's so essential, and I am amazed that this is not seen as at all important to some people.

csayer23 · 19/12/2017 17:19

If he's refusing to give you the phone then turn off the WiFi and if he's on contract ring them and temporary pause the use of his phone tell him that this will continue until he complies with your rules

tobitcoinornottobitcoin · 19/12/2017 17:22

No teens yet - but just NO! I need to start implementing the no tech in bedroom thing myself though... Blush

DontAskIDontKnow · 19/12/2017 17:22

You cannot catch up on sleep. If you don’t get your sleep that night, and all the wonderful things it does for you, you’ve lost that opportunity.

I’ve read about research on identical twins and they found that they could predict which one was smartest/achieved more based solely on them sleeping more.

JustHope · 19/12/2017 17:37

Sleep and having good sleep patterns impacts mood, behaviour and learning. This is far more important than inane rubbish on social media. We all need to switch off and teens are unlikely to regulate this so as parents we need to do it for them.

gillybeanz · 19/12/2017 17:49

becotide

She gets plenty of breaks during the day and of course a 2 hour lunch and a long tea time, sometimes.
I accept it as it would break her heart if I didn't, but she is thriving.
It's revised every half term.
There is very little social media though as she doesn't need it.
Only fb and she uses this for friends, family and networking.

Sarahjconnor · 19/12/2017 18:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Andrewofgg · 19/12/2017 19:35

Dear lord but I am glad that when DS was a teenager phones were for making calls on and nothing else and there was one computer in the house and it was downstairs . . .

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