DD1 won't be with us on Xmas day. I know IABU but still feeling down about it.

[MycatsaPirate]

DD1 is a student paramedic. She is down on her placement hours and has now got a 12 hour shift on Xmas day. About a four hour drive away from here so she will be going back to uni on Xmas eve and returning here in the early hours of boxing day.

I know it's daft to be feel sad but she's 19, this is the first year she won't be here on Xmas morning. I know that some people are facing Xmas without their kids/parents/siblings/friends permanently and in the great scheme of things I am being silly.

But she will be waking up on Xmas morning on her own with no one else there and I just feel really sad.

We are doing the whole Xmas day thing on Xmas eve with stocking, presents, ice skating, nice meal etc but it won't stop me feeling shit on Xmas morning that she's not here with me, dp and DD2.

Please find a kind way to tell me to get a fucking grip.

Of course you feel sad OP. The first Christmas without your DD1 - and because of work rather than a nice reason (she's abroad or whatever). Have a good old wallow and then do your best to enjoy it anyway.

It is upsetting but there are other years that she will be there.

I remember dreading the first Christmas after my dad died but it wasn’t as horrendous as I thought, it was just different. It will be different for you this year but still fun with your dd2 and DH.

Your dd1 will be so busy at work she won’t feel sad, then she’ll be back with you before you know it.

Get a grip. Do not mope around spoiling Christmas morning for your youngest dd (or your dh). It's not nice feeling that you're not enough for your mum. Your dd1 is doing amazing things - lots of people would be having a worse Christmas if not for her and her colleagues.

Just focus on how proud of her you are that she is doing a valuable job. You'll have your Christmas get together just not on the 25th. DS doesn't always come to us at Christmas and we accept he has his own commitments partying to do.

Why don't you do Christmas Day on Boxing Day? Or any other day you can all be together. It's the day and family that matters, not the date (even with young children, you could work something out).

If your daughter was unhappy I could understand, but this is her chosen career and you should be happy you raised such a responsible child. This will probably be the first of many Christmases she will be . working.
So in your words "get a fucking grip" and raise a glass or two or three to your wonderful daughter

I won't spoil xmas morning for my Dp or DD2. I will definitely ring DD1 though and we can hopefully facetime while DD2 opens her presents.

We can't move Xmas to Boxing day, she finishes her shift at midnight and then has a four hour drive home so will be sleeping most of the day.

She is happy with our Xmas eve plans. Stocking and presents and then ice skating later on followed by a Chinese meal at home. (her favourite).

It's just me! I hate the thought of her waking up alone on that day as all her flatmates have gone home for Xmas. I know, it's daft. Her mentor is wonderful and has been like a surrogate mum to her all year so I know she will have a good day.

It all comes round so quickly doesn't it. One minute they're young and everyone's caught up in the excitement. The next minute they're old enough not to have to be at home at Christmas.

My ds2, also 19, is on a university year abroad and is too far to come home. It sucks.

You only have sympathy from me OP (but you do get to see her over the Christmas period, which is something)

Your DD is doing a wonderful thing but it's okay to feel a little sad and miss her. My mum told me just yesterday that she still misses me waking up and sitting on her bed to open my presents. We did the same thing every year until I was 19 and moved out! I miss it too, although I love spending Christmas with my own children now.

I understand, I still miss mine on Christmas Day, 35, 32 living overseas and 26 working locally on Christmas Day.

I'm a nurse and have worked many an Xmas day over the years, my mum has always done Xmas Day on Boxing day for me instead. I now work in a community setting so get Xmas and NY off, put believe me I've paid my dues! Its the sacrifices we make when we work in the health professions and you should be very proud of your daughter.

And I only see the eldest 2 once a year, sometimes twice. I wish they were little again so I could watch their excitement opening presents. Oh maybe not as that would mean repeating the teenage years again!

It's so hard. My DD2 is a chef and had to work last year, it just didn't feel the same.

We still had a lovely day but it just wasn't quite right.

It’s sad, but part of the reality of the emergency services.

Paramedics do a hard and sometimes dangerous job with very poor terms and conditions.

It does go quick. It seems like yesterday that she was tiny and all sparkly eyed and excited about Xmas morning and the magic of it all. And my DD's still come and open stockings on my bed in the morning.

Throughthickandthin Sorry your DS won't be home. It must be hard for you not seeing him at all but hopefully you can phone/facetime? A couple we know picked up their DD from the airport this morning, she has been travelling for nearly 3 years and this is the first time she has been home so her parents are over the moon.

Hippo I told DD today that she will never understand how I feel until she has kids of her own. I will never hold her back and always encourage her to walk her own path. But she really doesn't understand the parental love thing at all.

You should be feeling so proud! She'll be out saving lives! What could be more important?

I worked in emergency services for a few years when I was young and always had to work Christmas Day. It was kind of fun. Not as good as a good Christmas Day with family, but work had a more festive feel to it. Everyone knew it was a bit different, etc. it is a shame to miss out on her company, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable for being sad about it, but don’t feel too bad about it, it really doesn’t have to be horrible for her. If she’s allowed, give her some kind of sharing treat to take into work with her on the day, that should help her add to the shift’s festive cheer.

You should definitely be proud - ive worked on Christmas Day and so has DH also in emergency services. Your daughter is a vital person and Christmas is just a day - spend another day with her making it special

Just feel pleased that you've raised such an independent, bright young lady. She's doing something extremely noble and the people she's out helping on Christmas Day will be very grateful.

Awww it's hard isn't it but she'll be learning something that will one day undoubtedly save someone else's life who will go on to have many more Christmases with their family and loved ones.

What a wonderful career choice your daughter has made. You must be immensely proud.
Sadly it’s the sort of job that is 24/7 and 365. But it’s her choice, and as such, you must realise that once she is fully qualified she will be working many more Christmas days in the future, but how sad would she be if she didn’t get to do her chosen career? What I’m trying to say is her career makes dd1 happy. But as her mum you are allowed to be sad that she has grown up.

Enjoy your alternative family Christmas Day.

My sis is a doctor and once she hit the working in a hospital point there were several years we couldn't have Christmas with her on Christmas Day. Add in a partner who's also a doctor, combined with them wanting to see his family on the other side of the country sometimes too, and you've got even more of a muddle! So quite often we'd do "Fakemas" and have Christmas over an earlier weekend in December. One year our parents also said sod it and went to Jamaica for two weeks, so we ended up having a November Fakemas. It's all much of a muchness really unless you're religiously attached to 25 December; having the traditions and family time and food and fun on 14 December or 23 November or whenever, doesn't really matter.

YANBU at all to feel sad. Keep reminding yourself how proud you are, and hopefully it will ease the sadness a little x

Make her a Christmas morning box, filled with yummy goodies she can enjoy before work :)

Its totally understandable that you feel sad. But think of it in a good way! On christmas day she would be helping someone who would really need her help. Isn't thats what is christmas all about? [santa]