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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD1 won't be with us on Xmas day. I know IABU but still feeling down about it.

67 replies

MycatsaPirate · 19/12/2017 15:24

DD1 is a student paramedic. She is down on her placement hours and has now got a 12 hour shift on Xmas day. About a four hour drive away from here so she will be going back to uni on Xmas eve and returning here in the early hours of boxing day.

I know it's daft to be feel sad but she's 19, this is the first year she won't be here on Xmas morning. I know that some people are facing Xmas without their kids/parents/siblings/friends permanently and in the great scheme of things I am being silly.

But she will be waking up on Xmas morning on her own with no one else there and I just feel really sad.

We are doing the whole Xmas day thing on Xmas eve with stocking, presents, ice skating, nice meal etc but it won't stop me feeling shit on Xmas morning that she's not here with me, dp and DD2.

Please find a kind way to tell me to get a fucking grip.

OP posts:
Steeley113 · 19/12/2017 16:23

Ahh unfortunately this will be first of many (I say this as a nurse). You’ll be fine! She’s not a little kid and will enjoy ‘Christmas’ whichever day you do it. Be proud she’s doing such an important job.

Showergel1 · 19/12/2017 16:26

I had the best Christmas day when I was 19. I stayed at my student house over the holidays for work. Nothing as noble as paramedic just retail work but I loved it. You will miss her more than she'll miss you.

crispbuttie · 19/12/2017 16:32

Aw you must be so proud of her!
I have a 19 year old who is nowhere near as responsible as your dd. Want to swap? Wink

C8H10N4O2 · 19/12/2017 16:50

So quite often we'd do "Fakemas"

I just spent several minutes trying to work out what was this early festival of Fak-eh-mas and if it was related to Sinterklaas. I plead a long day...Blush

OP, the first Christmas day with a missing offspring is weird. However in your DD's case its such an important and valuable role just raise a glass and be proud of her. Can she take her stocking back with her on Christmas Eve?

Having an early/late Christmas celebration is worth thinking of in a future year, although I do recall one year when we were younger that entailed three lots of Christmas dinners withing one week. You can have too much Christmas pudding!

ZivaDiva · 19/12/2017 16:51

I'm a paramedic working Christmas day too. Rest assured your DD will eat her body weight in quality street and various other christmassy food that all the staff bring in.
All the staff will be cheerful and christmas songs will be sung. I know she'll probably end up doing some difficult jobs on the day but she will be surrounded by her 999 family who will all have each others backs.
Good Luck to her, there is no better job. Flowers

TheFairyCaravan · 19/12/2017 16:51

I hate this grown up malarkey too. I’d love to turn back the clock to when our kids were about 5 and do it all again.

This will probably be our last family Christmas for a while. DS2 will qualify as a nurse in the summer and has said he’s going to work Christmas rather than New Year. As he plans to get a job where he’s at uni, 2.5 hours away, he won’t be home. I’m already dreading it.

It sucks but our kids are doing a really worthwhile job.

I hope you have a niceish day. 💐💐💐

NoSquirrels · 19/12/2017 16:55

Oh bless you, OP. Can you send her with a Christmas breakfast box? Won’t help you missing her, but might help the feeling of not being there to be “motherly”?

plus3 · 19/12/2017 17:00

I have also worked my fair share of Christmas Day shifts and I am going to go slightly against the grain here ... my Mum always made me feel so guilty to be spoiling Christmas by having to work and how it wasn’t the same if I wouldn’t be there. She would endlessly remind me of what I was missing etc. it was exhausting!
Fake Christmas is a brilliant idea - just be proud of the wonderful job she doing (although I do think it is a bit harsh as a student to be working ...maybe she volunteered for it?)

CanIBuffalo · 19/12/2017 17:01

We're moving our Christmas day lock stock and barrel into Christmas Eve as one of the DSs is working on the 25th. I'm designating the 25th as Boxing Day so all's well. Won't work so well if you're religious though.

Palace2 · 19/12/2017 17:03

I work in an emergency dept. I'm working on Christmas day. It will be busy but it will be a great team atmosphere. The ambulance crews are a real fun bunch and they'll have a great shift to. Your daughter won't be on her own. I'm guessing she will start any time after 6 am and work for 12 hours. She'll have a blast. (You'll have to get used to this I'm afraid - I can't remember the last time I was off on Christmas day) just have a 2nd christmas day on boxing day, your daughter will be fine.

FlouncyDoves · 19/12/2017 17:03

Don’t FaceTime while the younger one opens presents - that’ll be shit for the older one!

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 19/12/2017 17:06

Ime Working xmas isn’t so bad, and there is camaraderie with colleagues
Of course you miss her,she’s your lassie,1st xmas away.but she’ll be fine
And goes with the territory,working health & social care is 24-7,it’s the career she chose
Don’t let her see your worry,tell her she makes you so very proud and she makes a difference
And at xmas call handlers, nhs, social care,police,porters,labs all working a regular shift

ThunderboltsLightning · 19/12/2017 17:07

You will miss her but she will be doing something important that she is passionate about and has worked hard to achieve. I'm sure she was pleased to get on the course and looks forward to being qualified and this will be a small price to pay towards achieving a fantastic goal. Stay busy, spoil your other DC and Christmas Eve and Boxing Day will be even more special.

StillMedusa · 19/12/2017 17:11

My DD1(25) is a doctor and won't be with us for Xmas either... not until the week after.
Last year she was missing too, AND DS1 who was in Australia AND DD2 who is a nurse!. It felt weird and wrong with just one child home, but it is just one day.

She will be fine...I used to work Xmas day and loved it... jolly atmosphere with the patients and way too much chocolate! Don't make her feel bad about it (I'm sure you won't)

TheXXFactor · 19/12/2017 17:11

You'll have to get used to this I'm afraid - I can't remember the last time I was off on Christmas day

This. I once managed to work every single bank holiday in a year, plus the day the clocks go back (an extra hour, unpaid Sad). As pps have said, working Christmas Day is not bad at all it's Boxing Day that's a complete bugger. She'll be fine.

Do you want there to be emergency services, healthcare, etc etc over Christmas? Yes? Well I'm afraid that means lots of families in the same position as yours. So, in a nice way, get a grip, have a wonderful Christmas and celebrate with her another day.

fuzzyduck1 · 19/12/2017 17:13

Lots of us have to work on Christmas. I am ! I volunteered so my partner could go and see her dad on Christmas and not be at work. Just arrange for another Christmas with your dd on another day.

fuzzyduck1 · 19/12/2017 17:16

The XX factor they should pay you for the extra hour by law. They tried that with my job but we just told them if they didn’t pay we’d go home when we had done the hours we are paid for.

Lambzig · 19/12/2017 17:19

OP, your daughter sounds amazing. You must be very proud and I hope you enjoy your day anyway.

Thank you for this. Mine are 7 and 5 and broke up from school today at 2pm. They are very tired and have spent the afternoon squabbling and making huge amounts of mess. I am at the end of my tether already. You have given me a timely reminder that I won’t always have them and I need to make the most of it. Thank you.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 19/12/2017 17:20

Goes with the job,EDT, paramedics,health,all support services,labs,porters
All these folk work over festive time and bank holidays
and make other arrangements to celebrate
You get used to it, it’s more managing the reactions of others eg it’s not fair/do you have to etc

fortifiedwithtea · 19/12/2017 17:23

YANBU but your DD knows what she is doing.

When you feel sad, spare a thought for my DD, she's 15 with learning disabilities and will spent Christmas in a secure hospital for adolescents with mental illness. She doesn't understand or acknowledge that she is ill.

We are not doing Christmas this year. Haven't sent cards, no decorations are up. We will have a 'Christmas Day' when she is home. God knows when that will be as she is Sectioned.

TheXXFactor · 19/12/2017 17:24

The XX factor they should pay you for the extra hour by law. They tried that with my job but we just told them if they didn’t pay we’d go home when we had done the hours we are paid for

Their argument is that they don't reduce the wages of the person who works on the night the clocks go forward, so it evens out. I'm not paid by the hour so don't think I'll win this one.

frenchlife19 · 19/12/2017 17:25

My 24 year old son now lives in China and we haven't seen him for two years (Skype but it's not the same) .I think it's Christmas adverts that get me ,even though I know they don't depict real life

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 19/12/2017 17:29

I do know how you feel. We met up with our DC abroad. But You love each other enough to miss each other. That is a wonderful thing. How lucky she is to have a Mum who feels that way about her. That must make her feel great really. Make new traditions, have a Chrissmassy Christmas Eve and the same again when she comes back after her shift, and SKYPE on Christmas Day so you can see her. Send some quick funny snaps. You will see her again very soon afterwards

LolitaLempicka · 19/12/2017 17:33

Why don't you move Christmas day? we have done so frequently, it is nice because it prolongs the festivities. I think face timing to show her other people opening their presents will be a bit shit for your absent daughter, just postpone for a couple of days.

Buxbaum · 19/12/2017 17:37

Pack her up a lovely Christmas morning breakfast and FaceTime her while she eats it.

Your DD is doing a brilliant thing and you must be so proud of her.

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