DD1 won't be with us on Xmas day. I know IABU but still feeling down about it.

[MycatsaPirate]

DD1 is a student paramedic. She is down on her placement hours and has now got a 12 hour shift on Xmas day. About a four hour drive away from here so she will be going back to uni on Xmas eve and returning here in the early hours of boxing day.

I know it's daft to be feel sad but she's 19, this is the first year she won't be here on Xmas morning. I know that some people are facing Xmas without their kids/parents/siblings/friends permanently and in the great scheme of things I am being silly.

But she will be waking up on Xmas morning on her own with no one else there and I just feel really sad.

We are doing the whole Xmas day thing on Xmas eve with stocking, presents, ice skating, nice meal etc but it won't stop me feeling shit on Xmas morning that she's not here with me, dp and DD2.

Please find a kind way to tell me to get a fucking grip.

OPs younger daughter might not be too happy about that Lolita.

She'll probably have a great day. Emergency services are often fairly quiet Christmas Day, well they were in my day. The evening things started to hot up when the drink kicked in and the arguments started and people got home from visits to find the burglars had been in but usually it is a nice atmosphere and food laid on. She will be fine.

My son is a HCP and from 17 to 24 he didn't have Christmas Day at home, I think he used to volunteer because he liked it and then we would have another Christmas Day on Boxing day or Christmas Eve.

I think it shows what a great job you've made of raising her. She's following her dreams and she's so lucky to have you as her rock. You sound fantastic and should be proud.
It's understandable that you feel sad. It's a change and another step on her journey. Please enjoy eve and boxing day and accept you will miss her on the big day but she'll miss you too and will be excited to see you again. Raise a glass for her x x x

You are bound to feel sad. My dd is a nurse and was far away working last Christmas. My father in law had just died so it wasn't an easy time for the family. You are allowed to miss her - that doesn't mean you will not consider others and do your best to have a good Christmas. With best wishes.

What does your DD (the worker) want to do on Christmas Day, because you haven't mentioned that at all!

I appreciate that the first year without her is a massive change for you, but that is a chance to come up with some new traditions rather than make her watch the old ones - what you've suggested comes across to me as you trying to make sure you have the Christmas you want. Have a gentle grip while you navigate the tricky waters in to the unknown.

OP as others have said you must be very proud. My DD works for a phone support line and, though she has escaped Christmas Day, has to work on Boxing Day.
I d9nt unite understand your posts though - you say you’ll do stocking and presents on Christmas Eve and then talk about your younger DC opening presents on Christmas Day. Why don’t you all do presents together? Have Christmas Day a day early for everyone? As others have said, unless you are religiously committed to the 25th (and even then it’s an arbitrary day chosen for the religious celebration) it doesn’t matter.

Should say I don’t quite understand.

I would second the person who said don't make too big a deal of her missing Christmas. She is going to have a great day with her team. You guys enjoy your day - if she gets chance to call or FaceTime, then brilliant. But she might not. And your other daughter shouldn't have to hang around waiting for her sister. That really isn't fair on her. Hope you all have a lovely day.

Very emotional here now. For you at the thought of being without your DD. For you at how proud of your DD you must be and for your DD at what a wonderful thing she is doing for others and for herself.
I have no words of wisdom to offer. I hope you have lots of joy over Christmas and Hogmanay.

Yes, I am thirding (?) the people saying not to make too much fuss about it. My mum made me feel like utter shit when I missed a Christmas at home in my early 20s. The reason? I was working in a care home. She never once said she was proud of me, just complained and gave me the silent treatment. I still think about it and it was well over a decade ago.

You have done your job as a parent and raised some one who now has a good job. My family sometimes used to postpone Xmas celebrations until 28 Dec or January when we could all be together. Lots of people work over Xmas and other bank holidays.

I have worked many Christmas days I love the idea of her having a special Xmas morning Brekkie to have !

crispbuttie Oh Don't worry, she's still a normal teenager who leaves a trail of mess in her wake and has strops over stuff! Definitely no perfect angel!

ZivaDiva Thank you for your lovely words, hope you have a good shift on Xmas day too.

Lambzig It goes so quick. DD2 is 12. She no longer 'believes' and it's only a year until she's a teenager too! Every moment when they are little needs to be mentally photographed and stored away because the next thing you know they are asking for a lift to the pub and leaving home. It's quite terrifying how quickly life passes by.

To all of you, thank you. I will not make her feel guilty, I am proud of her. She volunteered to work Xmas day as she needs to get her hours up and she is also working NYE. Xmas day is mid day to midnight and then she is driving home. NYE is thankfully, an early shift.

I love the idea of the breakfast box, wonderful way to show I love her and will get some stuff together later when DP and I go food shopping. Will also buy something for her to take into work. Her mentor is lovely apparently, like a second mum to her and I know she will be in great company all day.

Basically we are giving DD1 her Xmas eve pj's on the 23rd. Then on Xmas eve DD1 will open her stocking and then we will all open presents that we have bought each other. DD2 won't get her presents from us until Xmas day and she will give us presents from her then too. DD1 got a new car stereo from us for Xmas and it was fitted yesterday so she is over the moon about that.

Absolutely no guilt tripping, I promise.

And yesterday I found out my friends husband has died after a 6 month battle with cancer leaving his wife and three small children. I am devastated for them and in the great scheme of things I totally am dealing with my own pathetic issues like an adult.

You are all bloody wonderful, to all of you working Xmas Day, thank you. To all missing someone, either permanently or just this year, I send love. And to those who are struggling, I hope life gets better for you all.

fortifiedwithtea Much love to you and your DD. My godson has profound disabilities and doesn't understand Christmas and spends an awful lot of time in and out of hospital. But his mum knows and it's her that suffers because she wants to create something magical for him regardless of the fact that he doesn't understand the importance of the day. I truly hope life improves for your DD very soon.

OP, you sound like a lovely mum

So sorry to hear about your friend's husband. My friend was similarly bereaved this year, just awful.

Thanks to everyone who suggested the breakfast box, I did exactly that and she was really pleased.

We had a lovely Xmas Eve together, presents, food, ice skating and then ended up eating out rather than getting a takeaway.

She had a brilliant shift at work, her mentor plated up Xmas dinners for them and they microwaved them on their break. She also made her a little Xmas stocking full of chocolates which was lovely.

She got back at 6am on Boxing day as her shift ran on until 1am. She was shattered but it's been lovely having her back, we have had friends over and she has also been working at her part time job here to fund her car insurance renewal and she's heading back tomorrow as she's back on earlies the day after.

Ah great, glad you all had a good Christmas. Your daughter's mentor sounds brilliant! And well done to your DD for doing such an important job

Yes, her mentor is fantastic, I am glad she is in good hands.

DD messaged me this morning to say she had helped deliver a baby girl! She said it was amazing and the baby was really cute. Fab job to get first thing in the morning, one of the really great things she gets to do.