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Original poster

My DH does not want me on the iPad while tv is on

107 replies

Cab65 · 19/12/2017 08:16

When we are watching tv in the evenings my DH does not like me being on my iPad even though it is on mute. He says we should be watching tv together. He does however look at his iPad various times during the evening. I can’t see what the problem with me doing the same is.

OP posts:
RB68 · 19/12/2017 09:17

Doing different things in the same room is OK - being controlling about what another is doing - unless it impacts on you - is not

Of course you can do something different while keeping him company in the lounge - as for turning screens off - errrr the irony ...

PeonyBucket · 19/12/2017 09:18

If someone tried to ban me from using MY tablet in MY home I would be telling them to fuck right off

It was a turn of phrase. However, it wouldn't be banning him from using his tablet in his own home. I would just be banning him from using it whilst watching a programme he's said he wanted to watch and will likely ask questions about later, and generally pissing about with it and muttering because it's so slow. It's very off putting for me.
We don't have another room with a tv in it and I don't have a tablet to take into another room to watch so it's on him to remove himself and his tablet. It's manners.

Ragwort · 19/12/2017 09:19

If I have chosen to sit and watch something on TV then I do find it distracting if DH is in the same room, on his tablet, sniggering at whatever he is looking at (like a teenager) - I much prefer to watch something on my own - so he can just leave and go to another room.

I don't find there is much companionship in being in a room where everyone is on their screens - or perhaps I am just a loner?

LiveLifeWithPassion · 19/12/2017 09:22

I’ve started ‘banning’ dh from his phone as he’s started being on it all the time. It’s becone such a habit for him that he doesn’t even realise when the kids are talking to him.
So far, I’ve only ‘banned’ it while we eat, which applies to everyone. I’m tempted to throw some more ‘bans’ in....

museumum · 19/12/2017 09:22

I’ve noticed dh and my relationship is much better if we’re following a series together and actively enjoying something together for an hour each evening than if we’re both off in our own separate internet lands. I don’t know why but it’s true.

Labradoodliedoodoo · 19/12/2017 09:26

I couldn’t just watch tv as it’s so boring.would go to bed if that was the only thing on. It’s like background noise for me. I’d much rather be doing something constructive or relaxing on the iPad.

SilverBirchTree · 19/12/2017 09:26

Is he controlling in other ways? Or is this just a pet peeve of his?

amusedbush · 19/12/2017 09:26

My DH is the same but I'll admit, I'm totally addicted to my phone and I get really engrossed in what I'm doing and so miss loads of whatever we're watching.

TheNaze73 · 19/12/2017 09:26

I think a lot depends on context here.

Labradoodliedoodoo · 19/12/2017 09:27

I couldn’t just watch tv as it’s so boring.would go to bed if that was the only thing on. It’s like background noise for me. I’d much rather be doing something constructive or relaxing on the iPad.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 19/12/2017 09:28

We agreed years ago that the evening would be for us...no phones, no laptops etc.

Both of us occasionally have important work emails/calls... so we give ourselves permission to deal with those. But otherwise the world of work and social media can go hang!

Labradoodliedoodoo · 19/12/2017 09:30

Surely if he wants to do something with you, he can do something with you properly. Like go for a walk or chat over a glass of wine. Tv isn’t a particularly social thing anyway unless both parties are interested in what’s on and keen to watch together

stickytoffeevodka · 19/12/2017 09:33

I think I'm coming at it from the angle that staring at a TV is, in my opinion, boring as hell and I would be pretty annoyed if my partner expected me sit and be bored all evening just so we could "watch TV together".

Even if it's something I want to watch, I often do something else too. I get bored just watching a screen and normally end up falling asleep. Besides, DP likes watching in silence (so no chatting or comments on the show) so he can do that on his own. I'll sit and snuggle up with him and do my own thing.

If he told me to go and play on my laptop or phone in another room I would be having words! If he wants to spend time with me, then we can do
something that doesn't bore me rigid and actually involves us interacting.

allegretto · 19/12/2017 09:33

I think a lot depends on context here.

It is really annoying if you are watching a film together and one person is not really watching and keeps on asking other person to fill them in on the details for example!

stickytoffeevodka · 19/12/2017 09:34

It is really annoying if you are watching a film together and one person is not really watching and keeps on asking other person to fill them in on the details for example!

But OP hasn't said she does that.

thefutureisours · 19/12/2017 09:38

My dp moans about me being on my phone but he is always watching NCIS re-runs which is apparently different!

Whitney168 · 19/12/2017 09:42

I'm the one that's mostly on the iPad in my marriage ... and actually, to be honest, I'm largely with your husband on this and am trying to cut it down.

I do think it is isolating and different to sitting and watching TV (or doing whatever) together. It removes the conversations that might come up about whatever you're watching, and other chat that leads on to. If we're both watching a programme, we're more likely to be - excuse the tossy phrase - 'connected', probably physically in some sort of hand-holding way and mentally.

I think it is a bad habit of mine, and I'm trying to restrict it.

ZigZagandDustin · 19/12/2017 09:43

I agree with him that it's really annoying and distracting for someone to be half watching something with you and half watching their own ring on a phone or iPad!

I annoy my DH doing this too but he'd never tell me to stop. Just the occasional 'are you watching the show' as a slightly pointed remark but I do understand it because if find it annoying if he was doing he same.

Bigthoughtswoman · 19/12/2017 09:44

Mine says the same, and even flounces off to bed over it...but I watch ( my iPad) it to sit through a programme he might like, that I don’t, and there is barely anything on television I can bear ( much prefer Netflix)

It’s crazy...

AFistfulOfDolores · 19/12/2017 09:44

How very co-dependent of your DH, OP.

HappydaysArehere · 19/12/2017 09:45

Sounds like a case for divorce! Seriously, doesn’t you dh look at a newspaper or magazine while the tv is on? Not everything on tv is worth avid attention.

PeonyBucket · 19/12/2017 09:47

But OP hasn't said she does that

Well she wouldn't would she?

Timmytoo · 19/12/2017 09:48

I'm like this. I think it's because my DP can't multi task. If he's on his phone he misses what's happened in the movie and it frustrates me.

Codlet · 19/12/2017 09:50

I tend to agree with your DH. Most of us get a limited amount of quality time with our partners, and it's annoying if one person is constantly on their phone / iPad. It's nicer to watch TV together IMO.

Checking it a few times is very different from being on it constantly - which is it you do, OP?

Redpony1 · 19/12/2017 09:54

My dh is often messing with his tablet while 'we' are watching the TV and it really is very annoying when he misses something and has to ask what happened later. Also has the habit of googling actors to see what else they've been in while he's watching. It's all the movement and fiddling about, it's distracting. I've banned him from using it while the TV is on. If he's going to mess about with his tablet he can go in another room

Wow you sound high maintenance!

I do all sorts whilst DP watches TV, like cleaning my horses tack or my leather boots, sometimes do work on my laptop etc. If he told me that my moving about was distracting i'd laugh! Life's too busy for me to sit still much, always something to be doing which is lucky because most TV is boring!

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