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Original poster

My DH does not want me on the iPad while tv is on

107 replies

Cab65 · 19/12/2017 08:16

When we are watching tv in the evenings my DH does not like me being on my iPad even though it is on mute. He says we should be watching tv together. He does however look at his iPad various times during the evening. I can’t see what the problem with me doing the same is.

OP posts:
TheCraicDealer · 19/12/2017 08:35

DH is like this but I see where he's coming from. If we sit down to watch something together and I pick up my phone/iPad to do something prolonged and pointless like MN he'll pause the show and "wait for me to finish". Equally on the rare occasions he does that in front of a show or when I'm driving it really annoys me.

He's not in the slightest bit controlling but we both know there's a difference between being there and actually being present. He spends a lot of time away from home and i don't want to waste the time we spend together on my iPad, however tempting. It can be really detrimental to a relationship if you let it get out of hand.

LiveLifeWithPassion · 19/12/2017 08:37

Do you think it’s an issue? Are you always on it? Or is he just being an idiot about it?

mummmy2017 · 19/12/2017 08:37

Have a box and put all the mobiles and stuff in it, with a lid one, and wait.

When he finally goes for his STUFF then you can say to him, yo thought he wanted IT free time, but OK if he has decided that he is ok with you both using it, then your going to use yours as well...

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 19/12/2017 08:39

I can see his point. If DH, DS and I settle down to watch something as a family, I have a “no multi-screening” rule. Otherwise the TV is just in the background but no-one’s actually watching what we’ve chosen to watch together, iyswim.

Shadow666 · 19/12/2017 08:39

I suppose it depends on the programme. Something thrilling like Game of Thrones, I think you have to concentrate on but most TV is just dross so I do other stuff while watching. Its weird he gets to decide this. Sometimes I really appreciate being single and doing exactly as I please.

Ilovetolurk · 19/12/2017 08:40

If it’s all the time it would be a bit annoying

Also if he can see the light out of the corner of his eye that would be irritating

MakeMisogynyAHateCrime · 19/12/2017 08:40

Is he usually so demanding?

IrritatedUser1960 · 19/12/2017 08:40

Does he often tell you what you can and can't do??

Iprefercoffeetotea · 19/12/2017 08:43

I think it's rude to be constantly on your ipad/phone etc if you have specifically chosen to spend the evening together watching a film/series on tv

Depends how interesting the film or series is. You might start watching it and decide you'd rather look at Twitter. Does it matter, if you're not disturbing the person watching TV? My DH and son routinely watch things I don't want to watch like football matches, I just read a book, either a real one, or a kindle one.

AliceWhatsth3Matter · 19/12/2017 08:44

The key is that it's fine for OP's husband to look at his iPad while they're watching tv but he has decided she mustn't look at hers.

Context is all. Who decides what is watched? Does he control other things? How does he react if she doesn't do as he's told her to?

Still sounds controlling to me though, they're both adults.

Laiste · 19/12/2017 08:44

DH is a gamer. Sometimes i watch him, sometimes i'll MN, sometimes i'll minecraft or watch masterchef/nigella while he watches the boxing on his phone, sometimes we'll watch TV together. Sometimes he'll watch You tube while i MN.

The key is we're both flexible and happy to stop if one is a bit bored and it's not good to spend all evening every in a separate bubble i think.

Iprefercoffeetotea · 19/12/2017 08:44

Surely the joy of tablets etc is that you can all be in the same room watching/doing things whereas in the past the family would have been spread around the house watching TVs in different rooms (though I've only ever had one TV).

Mix56 · 19/12/2017 08:45

But if you get up to put the kettle on, or let the cat out, or cook the dinner, thats OK is it ?
Tell him to Fuck off, if you want to watch TV you can, if your don't, er.... you are more than entitled to do what you please.

Laiste · 19/12/2017 08:45

Alice - The key is that it's fine for OP's husband to look at his iPad while they're watching tv but he has decided she mustn't look at hers. Context is all. Who decides what is watched? Does he control other things?

This too

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 19/12/2017 08:48

FlouncyDoves did you miss the bit where he’s allowed to be on his iPad but the OP isn’t? Is it fuck coming from a ‘place of love’ more like a place of controlling.

TacoFlavouredKisses · 19/12/2017 08:50

Tell him to knob off

I was going to say exactly this Grin

PeonyBucket · 19/12/2017 08:59

My dh is often messing with his tablet while 'we' are watching the TV and it really is very annoying when he misses something and has to ask what happened later. Also has the habit of googling actors to see what else they've been in while he's watching. It's all the movement and fiddling about, it's distracting. I've banned him from using it while the TV is on. If he's going to mess about with his tablet he can go in another room.

stickytoffeevodka · 19/12/2017 09:02

I've banned him from using it while the TV is on.

If someone tried to ban me from using MY tablet in MY home I would be telling them to fuck right off.

Ignore him OP. So long as you've not got the sound on I don't see why it's any of his business. I have no interest in watching the action films DP likes and he's not remotely interested in the Apprentice, so we do our own thing.

FlouncyDoves · 19/12/2017 09:05

We don’t have a true context here though. It’s unlikely the OP’s DH is saying he’d prefer her to put down his iPad at the same time that he’s on his. If that’s the case then clearly he’s being U.

What seems more likely is that he is under the impression they’re watching something together - maybe a series that they’ve been following or a film - and she’s on her iPad. That changes the experience for him.

I doubt he’d mind her being on the tablet when the footy’s on and he probably goes on his when she’s watching a cooking show etc.

Anyway, it doesn’t really matter does it? It’s not divorce worthy. Though, no doubt the LTB Brigade will be along any minute to explain how this is a slippery slope to the OP not being allowed out with her friends etc. Yawn.

metalmum15 · 19/12/2017 09:05

I hardly ever watch tv, I'd much rather read. So I read and dh watches tv. We're still in the same room and we still talk to each other. It works fine for us. He wouldn't expect me to watch his choice of programmes and I wouldn't expect him to curl up next to me with his book.

DeepanKrispanEven · 19/12/2017 09:07

He’s fair to do this. Watching tv is a shared experience and it sounds like he wants to share it with you. It’s a nice thing, coming from a place of love.

Nonsense. It's near-impossible for two people to have identical tastes in TV programmes, and it's silly to pretend it's a shared experience if one is forced to sit twiddling their thumbs watching something that bores them rigid.

whattoweartomorrow · 19/12/2017 09:11

We try to do this- if I randomly have the to on it's different, but generally we agree to watch something together if we're both in and it does annoy DH when I get distracted by twitter/something else, and vice Versa if I'm honest.

This is a shared experience- psychologists have actually spoken about this in the light of the shift away from family to watchjngt o separate screens. Last night DH and I watched an episode of grand designs: we talked about it during it, we said 'oh he seems lovely', we joked about whether the wife would get pregnant and we spoke afterwards about how if we had limitless money DH would like to be an architect. If I'd been half-watching something else, I would have missed all the things that led to those comments, and it would have gone from being something relaxing that sparked a conversation to more time the two of us were too tired to engage with each other.

MrsFezziwig · 19/12/2017 09:12

Watching TV is a shared experience
Luckily I’ve managed to get over the trauma of having to watch TV by myself, and reading some of the posts on here I’m now considering it a privilege!

FlouncyDoves · 19/12/2017 09:13

Deepan I don’t agree with that at all. I watch several programmes with my other half and we enjoy them together. Sometimes I prefer it to them, sometimes they to me. But we engage with it and discuss it/comment on it together.

Of course if it’s something the other isn’t interested in then we’ll do separate things. Sounds to me like the OP needs to explain this to her DH.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/12/2017 09:16

How often are you on your iPad/phone OP?