To wish the media would just for once name the fucking problem?

[IfyouseeRitaMoreno]

www.theguardian.com/world/2017/dec/18/suspect-arrested-over-death-of-british-diplomat-rebecca-dykes-in-beirut

Another woman raped and murdered by a man.

Another day another dollar.

But the guardian says it “wasn’t politically motivated”.

Ok maybe not but it was motivated by hatred of women. If every news outlet consistently called these incidents what they are, gender based violence, and accompanied them with stats on rape then maybe people would start to join the dots and realise the enormity of this global problem.

Or maybe it wouldn’t make a jot of difference because people see VAW as inevitable.

Slight tangent; Inwas wondering whether "diplomat" was a slight euphemism in this case, but then the killer was reported to be a Uner driver which suggested straight forward horrible sexual violence. Is that confirmed?

YANBU.

I feel so wretched about this case. It's just abhorrent she's dead. I can't imagine dying like that. She must have been so scared.

@Nickynackynoodle thank you for posting that link. It is both heartbreaking and enlightening at the same time. It's is difficult reading and that is why it is so important to educate people.

I myself feel incredibly lucky, I have wonderful father. I married by husband when I was quite young and he is a wonderful man. I hate to say that I have been lucky, but I think I have. Too many women are still being abused and murdered.

Something needs to change

Same with gun violence in the US. Almost entirely a problem caused by men, especially men with a history of domestic violence. The US could probably solve 80% of it's mass shooting threat if it banned all males between the ages of 16-30 from owning guns or having any access to weapons but there would be outrage if that was ever suggested.

One humorous but actually valid suggestion was for men to only be allowed access to guns with the permission of a female family member (spouse, sister, mother) because there is such a high correlation between male violence towards women and mass shootings.

YANBU and I feel similarly about reports on sexual violence in schools; there was an item on the news the other night, probably because the Government has just published guidelines on prevention and response. The vast majority of incidents are boys assaulting and harassing girls; the news report didn't refer to this once.

Stating the obvious like that is just annoying, meaningful discussion is what interests people not mindless spurting out of facts.

Stating the obvious? Spurting out the facts is annoying? But no one is stating the facts. That’s the problem. When it’s a race or religious based the news report will state that fact. No one is listening to the facts. Do you realise the amount of push back Karen Ingala-Smith gets for stating the facts?

You say it’s obvious but it’s not. It’s so woven into the fabric of our society that people don’t see it.

Rape is a problem. The disregard that many men have for women is a problem. The vulnerability of women is a problem. If you try to make it about all out gender war then your argument will fail

Your whole post seems to be saying that it’s nothing to do with gender/sex then going on to describe ways in which it’s everything to do with sex. Bizarre.

And I guarantee you that “no shit” would not be the default response if you brought this up in company. It would be something like “women do it too” or some other derailing nonsense.

A result of women being the “weaker sex. Not just physically”
Leaving aside the “not just physically” because I don’t know what you mean by that, why does that make it a non-problem?

You question whether it’s motivated by a hatred of women then go on to state that the problem is worse in countries that have no regard for women.

Your post is so contradictory it makes no sense.

Yesterday on the Today progamme Justin Webb said " it's not thought to be politically motivated, so it looks like it's just....well not just, obviously it's horrible, but it's a sex crime". Or words to that effect. Just a sex crime. He said that.

so it looks like it's just....well not just, obviously it's horrible, but it's a sex crime

Right. And therefore inevitable. Part of human nature. So common there’s nothing to be done.

Imagine if he’d said “this is part of a continuing series of violent sex attacks committed by men against women in all countries for as long as we can remember. Governments need to look at ways to improve the way women are regarded and treated”

The NAMALTs would be out in force. More concerned about not hurting men’s feelings than about women’s basic freedom.

The last suspicious death of a British diplomat overseas IIRC was in Nairobi in 1996. Murders of diplomats are extremely rare.

That, like this, was also because of crime and was not politically motivated.

I think it is right that when the person's occupation is directly relevant to their security status then it is the first thing that needs to be ruled out.

Women need to be considered for what they are, not just their sex.

The killing of a British diplomat in the Middle East - if a politically motivated assassination - is indeed a totally different thing from the POV of foreign affairs. Murders of British citizens overseas for 'private' motives wouidn't normally make the news at all.

I would also question your assertion that it was motivated by a hatred for women-a disregard? Sure. But the nature of the murder as has been revealed so far would indicate that the prime motive was sexual

Rape is about power and a level of hatred. To forcibly penetrate someone and then kill then? That’s angry and hate filled.

I feel that your points are valid as part of the picture but the tone of your post is condescending and silencing - actually, if more people stated the basic issue: that men rape, assault, kill women, then that would be a massive step forward. Right now, we are met with NAMALT and whataboutery, every time.

Please don’t be part of telling women their arguments are weak and their voices are valueless.

The NAMALT thing I find really strange, that people will happily overlook the fact that 98% of violent crimes are committed by men in order to stick up for their nice husband.

Or the fact that it’s the responsibility of ALL MEN to fix this. I honestly believe there’s very little women can do - it has to come from men.

I understand mentioning it wasn't politically motivated in this case

but usually we see a descriptor - uber driver, doctor, whatever - when actually "man" would be helpful.

my dad was trying to analyse the racial origins of a certain group once - yes he is horrible - and I just ended up saying very loudly "they are all MEN like they all are when someone gets RAPED". he looked genuinely taken aback.

YANBU

I honestly believe there’s very little women can do - it has to come from men

I agree with this. The women who point out that male violence is a huge problem are very often shouted down and patronised, by other women, who are desperate to defend men. They have done a wonderful job on us, they really have. It has to come from men and I can't see that it will, sadly.

my dad was trying to analyse the racial origins of a certain group once - yes he is horrible - and I just ended up saying very loudly "they are all MEN like they all are when someone gets RAPED". he looked genuinely taken aback.

I had a similar conversation with my dad after the Manchester terror attack. I've also had to point out, when he was going on about how it's always women who are texting as they drive and tailgating, that it is men who are responsible for 95% of deaths and serious injuries on the roads, and that his little anecdotes say more about him than the true situation as far as reckless, aggressive driving goes.

Nickynackynoodle That list is shocking.

Could you imagine if women were killing men in the same numbers?

Nicky, I couldn't finish reading that list as it had me in tears and I'm meant to be working. Just heart breaking and fury inducing at the same time.

I find the older I get my tolerance levels for the constant mistreatment of women and the unending misogyny in all it's forms, from the subtle everyday shit to the murder and rape of thousands of women year after year, is dropping like a stone. Not that it was high in the first place but still.

I have a loving DH and I'm doing my best to raise two DSs to be thoughtful, kind adult humans but I worry about how this world we live in shapes them. It makes me very sad and weary.

I find the older I get my tolerance levels for the constant mistreatment of women and the unending misogyny in all it's forms, from the subtle everyday shit to the murder and rape of thousands of women year after year, is dropping like a stone. Not that it was high in the first place but still

Very much this. I've often said that I wish I could unsee it. I don't actually mean it, but it must be so much less stressful to be able to walk around blinkered and convinced that it's all fine and there's no problem.

YANBU

I've also had to point out, when he was going on about how it's always women who are texting as they drive and tailgating, that it is men who are responsible for 95% of deaths and serious injuries on the roads

It’s so weird isn’t it how more disapproval is shown towards women as a whole for their minor transgressions? And there’s no NAWALT for that.

I remember DF, after having watched a female “cat fight” on The Apprentice saying that there was something particularly nasty about women fighting. It was round the time the MPs in Venezuela had had a full on fist fight in parliament. I pointed this out to him and he was like “but that’s different!”

Or when a friend was saying that when girls bully it’s worse because at least are more honest and direct about it. I said “I’m sure Stephen Lawrence’s Mum would be pleased to hear that” and she was like “but that’s different!”

Why is it different? Why are women held to higher standards?

At least men are more honest about it.

Yep I'm sure we'd all prefer to be straightforwardly assaulted behind the bike shed than for someone to refuse to lend us their rubber

Perhaps the high standards girls are held to feed directly into their ability to refrain from committing violent crime in adulthood? Perhaps we should be holding boys to a similar standard?

he is a murdering rapist

"man" doesnt need to be mentioned- only men can rape

man" doesnt need to be mentioned- only men can rape

But it does need mentioning. Not just for rape but for almost all sexual crime and the majority of violent crime. We need to say that it is men, every time.

Until it stops. Until the men who think it’s abhorrent stand up and say “No more of this”. Until there aren’t 2 women a week murdered.