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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be absolutely seething and to go against DSDs wishes?

87 replies

K1092902 · 17/12/2017 20:36

DSD is 25.

Last night was her friends birthday. She had a few drinks and then rung me and her dad this morning at 8am to ask for a lift home as she was leaving here car there.

Anyway she wakes up this morning to find her friend (who has no driving licence) had driven her car back to her house.

She went and knocked on her door and spoke to her mum as we wanted the car back.

I want to call the police, but DSD has begged me not to as she doesnt want her friend to get into trouble.

Lots of upset here as said friend has now told DSD to fuck off basically because her mum found out and has kicked her out

Im fuming and want to call the police. AIBU?

OP posts:
CotswoldStrife · 17/12/2017 22:09

It's taken me a while to come up with that theory, I originally thought the mother referred to was the DSD's and she'd been kicked out. Which was confusing as she wasn't even there (the mother).

I will have some Wine and reread.

YorkieDorkie · 17/12/2017 22:12

YABU to be seething. At 25 I'd be seething myself if you were making decisions about my car and my friends and probably wouldn't speak to you again!

StaplesCorner · 17/12/2017 22:27

I don't understand any of it. But if DSD is old enough to refuse to report her car stolen, then she's old enough not to call her parents at 8am.

Ellisandra · 17/12/2017 22:29

Please come back OP, I'm intrigued now and your post makes no sense at all!

I can't decide whether the "her" who has kicked out another "her" is friend's mum or your stepdaughter's mum.

I think you need to start again!

theimportanceofbeinghappy · 17/12/2017 22:34

I would explain clearly to your DSD what PPs have said about any offences that may have been committed in her car. She'll be liable for them all.
However, if she goes to the police and it's on record that she's reported that this "friend" drove the car drunk then at least it'll be less likely that she'll be held accountable for other pffences

Mumof56 · 17/12/2017 22:36

How did the friend get the keys?

ohtheholidays · 17/12/2017 22:54

I'm presuming that the friends mum has kicked her own Daughter out(the Daughter being DSD friend)and I'm presuming that DSD was staying at a different friends house(not the friend who took the car)if I'm right and her Mum has kicked her out and this close to Christmas I suspect that this may be the last in a long line of fuck ups that the friend(DSD friend who took the car)has made.

MamaDeeGee · 17/12/2017 23:11

Anyone asaying not to call the police what if said friend hit someone or something on the way back? Was caught on a speeding camera!

Id convince them to tell the police just to cover herself!

PeapodBurgundy · 17/12/2017 23:31

If you're worried about anything coming back on your DSD, you could call 101 and log what happened. They can take a report from anyone and just keep a note on their system.

Rachie1973 · 17/12/2017 23:36

Mumof56
How did the friend get the keys?

Thought crossed my mind. I think SD knows more than she's letting on.

Rachie1973 · 17/12/2017 23:38

MamaDeeGee
Anyone asaying not to call the police what if said friend hit someone or something on the way back? Was caught on a speeding camera!

Id convince them to tell the police just to cover herself!

It won't cover her. She'd still have to prove she wasn't driving that night.

condepetie · 17/12/2017 23:46

What?! How did the friend even get the keys to drive the car home?

AnnieAnoniMouse · 18/12/2017 00:01

It’s perfectly understandable & not at all complicated.

I’m not sure what I’d do though. On one hand she’s been kicked out of home as punishment already and unless the police have proof there’s sod all they can do. However, if the car was involved in anything (like running a red light or a hit & run) at that time, unless she reported it she might have a bit of difficulty proving it wasn’t her.

DSD shouldn’t have left her keys where drunk people could use them.

MiltonTheCockroach · 18/12/2017 00:02

To be absolutely seething and to go against DSDs wishes?
thebestnamesweretaken · 18/12/2017 00:19

Why post (half assed) story and not reply to questions raised?!
Total time waster 😡😡

notangelinajolie · 18/12/2017 00:23

Well she isn't 17 so I would say keep out of it.

OP - if this is genuine - I have a question for you.

Who has the car keys?

diddl · 18/12/2017 08:43

Come on Op!

Come back & clarify!

charlestonchaplin · 18/12/2017 08:54

Some people can't tell a coherent story to save their lives!

Splinterz · 18/12/2017 09:02

I shall translate for you all as it's apparently too difficult:

Last night was her friends birthday. She had a few drinks and then rung me and her dad this morning at 8am to ask for a lift home as she was leaving here car there.

DSD got pissed and left her car at Mate As house, asked mum/dad for a lift home.

Anyway she wakes up this morning to find her friend (who has no driving licence) had driven her car back to her house.

Did wakes and goes to retrieve her car from mates house only to find Mate B has driven her self home with no insurance etc

She went and knocked on her door and spoke to her mum as we wanted the car back.

DSD went to Mate Bs and asked for her car key s back Mate bs mum has gone garrity and kicked mate B out (an over reaction but that s not the point of the thread)

Point of the thread:

I want to call the police, but DSD has begged me not to as she doesn't want her friend to get into trouble.

Wind your neck in, DSD is 25 and capable of reporting her own car for a TWOC. I would have thought being homeless was punishment enough?

becotide · 18/12/2017 09:08

If you interfered in my life the way you are interfering in the life of your TWENTY FIVE YEAR OLD stepdaughter, you would find yourself subject to a fucking restraining order. Back off before she makes you back off.

Kardashianlove · 18/12/2017 09:15

Let her deal with this herself, she may not make the ‘best’ decision or the same decision you would but she’s an adult and will learn through these situations. She may look back years down the line and think she should have dealt with it differently but I think you would be very wrong to call the police against her wishes.

Imagine if similar happened to you and you wanted to call the police and someone stopped you from doing so as they believed you were making the wrong decision.

TathitiPete · 18/12/2017 09:18

Yes although it would be tricky to stamp your foot and yell "Back off, I'm an adult now!" so soon after ringing Dear Daddy and Step Mum at 8am on a Sunday morning to ask for a lift home.

Oysterbabe · 18/12/2017 09:19

Yabu. She's 25. It's not your decision to make.

pigeondujour · 18/12/2017 09:20

Uh oh. You should have just said 'DD', OP... restraining order indeed Grin

I'd be seething and really want to tell the police too, but I think if the car's back in one piece you should probably count your blessings and not bother, in the interest of DSD's already heightened stress levels.

CotswoldStrife · 18/12/2017 09:22

Just checking for an update this morning and there isn't one - come on @K1092902 we all want to know how this driver friend got the keys!

Could it be that the DSD handed the keys over and doesn't want to admit it? Or did you have to de-hotwire the car when you collected it (because I'm assuming they do indeed have the car and part of the reason they bothered the friend's mum in the first place was to get the keys back)?

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