To be pissed off that “only children” are talked about so badly?

[AboutAGallonofDietCoke]

Tonight I saw yet another thread on a mummies group, talking about having another child in order to prevent (the curse of) their child becoming an only child.
Am I the only person who thinks it’s really not that bad, there’s actually loads of advantages to being an only child, and the child doesn’t normally care, they know no different.
The only people who seem worried about it are those with siblings?

I am an only child and growing up I had lots of comments normally along the lines of
“aww so sad you’re all on your own”
“ you must be really spoiled”
“Only children are weird”

What the hell do you say to that?

After I had my son I had people telling me “ you are going to have another aren’t you? you wouldn’t want them to be ON THEIR OWN!!l” like it’s the bloody plague.

Am I being unreasonable to think you wouldn’t talk about any other group like this? After all I had no say in my only child status, my mum had cancer when I was little and that’s was that. Why don’t people seem to realise how unpleasant it is?

I’m an only child, married to an only child whose single mum was an only child. We both hated being only children then and now. Both sets of our parents are now dead.
Our children have no aunts, uncles, cousins or grandparents.
I think it’s really sad for our children. We were lucky we got to have more than one baby so they will have each other

At Christmas they only get gifts from us.

Wanting to avoid having an only child if possible is a fairly mainstream line of thought. If parents grouped together discuss it, so what?

Similarly, it's not unusual for people to believe that only children are more likely to be over indulged than those who aren't but I've never ever heard it said that all only children are strange/spoilt and all children with siblings are otherwise.

So it's a broad generalisation of perceived likelihood and it's only opinion anyway. How are you going to stop people generalising and having opinions?

Relax a bit.

I know lots of only children. Most of the parents grew up in big families and hated it so never wanted the same for their children. Far more downsides to numerous siblings than there are to being an only child.

I don't get the negativity surrounding only children. Less cost to the environment, less cost to the state, more time to nurture and educate the chid etc.

I am only child and I married an only child. We have a lot in common. We like peace and quiet, and time on our own.

Me and OH feel the same, but we each had a sibling who we didn't get on with, and each of whom have blanked our only child son. So even though he has uncles/aunts, nieces and nephews, he never sees them, never gets presents from them, etc. It's not always a bed of roses having siblings! In both our cases, our siblings were over-powering and attention seeking, leaving us in their shadows.

I’m an only, my dh is an only and my ds will be an only.
It’s fine! I’ve no hang up’s about it, I consider myself pretty normal and well adjusted. As a child I was indifferent to being an only - I didn’t know any different. My parents and I were a tight loving little triangle of 3 and looking back now I wouldn’t have changed it. I don’t feel I’ve missed out on anything.

DH was an only child and was adamant we should have more than one child as a result. I think he feels he missed out on having sibling relationships, which is probably a case of thinking the grass being greener on the other side.

We have an only -not through choice. But I’ve thought about it a lot. We also have a few friends with only children (prob due to our age). Generally the only children I know are a lot better at forming friendships wherever they go. They are also generally much better at Sharing as they don’t have to constantly protect their stuff from other kids.Ones with siblings seem to be constantly vying for parental attention. It’s strange the higher the cost of going somewhere the more only children you see, we’ll its generally either single kids or 3kids. Generally only children will get more spent on them and have more opportunities because there are more resources available. If they realise they are lucky, how much mummy and daddy have had to work to get those things, they are not spoilt but I’ve noticed that jealousy we can afford to do/give more has led to some snide comments from people. Our DS is independent, happy to chat to kids and adults makes friends in minutes. Doesn’t think twice about sharing. One of his friends couldn’t go trick or treating and he decided by himself to take some of his sweets to school for his friend. He’s 5. He is sometimes lonely I think but we provide him with situations which give him opportunities to mix with other kids, eg always having a good kids club where we holiday etc. Siblings are not some magic wand that stop a kid being lonely, spoilt, over protected etc. Being a parent to an only child is incredibly hard in so many levels. Mostly because of fear- if anything happens, that’s it! You’ve lost your future. I think that fear leads to some being overprotected. But if you have only one of anything you do look after it more closely, I know parents of 2+ would probably never admit it but there is a certain comfort to the heir and a spare. But you could judge any family size tbh. 2 kids close together -cruel because very young kids never get really good attention, generally over competitive kids with big age gap - horrible as the older one often has to go to childish things or the younger one constantly trailing round after older ones activities breeds resentment. Unless you’re rich - 3 kids can’t afford to do much lack opportunity and parental attention. Obviously all of these are generalisations but no more so than some of the crap that comes out about only children. I’m proud of my independent, kind hearted, friendly and loving only- at least I can say he’s my favourite without upsetting anyone.

How you raise a child determines how they turn out.
It doesn’t matter if they are a only child or have siblings.
For me, I always wanted 2 children as i did value having a brother growing up.
We struggled conceiving the 1st and I had already decided if we were blessed only with one then that would be enough.
I fell pregnant easy 2nd time and now have 2 wonderful children.

I know Friends who only have 1 and won’t have anymore and they have lovely children who are just as happy.

One thing though-my heart melts every time I see the love that my 2 have for each other.

And then my blood pressure rises the rest of the time when they are fighting like cat and dog.

I would never criticise or comment on anyone only having 1 but I am so glad that my kids have a sibling

I completely agree with lucky, it's the parenting.

DD (4) is our one child. I'd say about one third to one half of the girls in her preschool year don't have any siblings which is probably higher than the national average?

I'm an only and both my parents are/were onlys.

I have 4 DCs. When i announced i was pregnant with no.2 or 3 (can't recall now) my DM said something like '' how many kids are you actually going to have ... ''.

I replied something along the lines of ''i'd like a big family''. She was very cat's bum about it all as, i can see now, it felt like a critisism.

I had a good childhood but i hate being the only kin dealing with my mother as she ages.

cat's bum face i meant

He's a cheerful, generous little soul who always thinks of others before himself, sometimes to a fault. I really don't think this disposition is uncommon amongst only children. They don't have the experience of competing for attention or things so they are unthinkingly generous with their time and things

My DH, who is an only, is just like this. Hopefully DS will be similar. I've been painstaking with teaching him sharing, taking turns, etc. He might not have a sibling to share with, but luckily it still works when the child shares and takes turns with their primary carer - it doesn't HAVE to be a sibling!

There are advantages and disadvantages to all familial set-ups, but we can't try it all ways or indeed, always choose which we way we want our family set-up. I do wish people would be more thoughtful about the comments and judgments they make.

We've had these comments, usually from people talking about DH being a bit sheltered when they forget that DD is also an only child.

It drives me mad. Neither are spoilt, nasty, unsharing or anything else only children are apparently guilty of.

I don't let it get me down, but eh. Some people are opinionated arse holes.

Battleaxe

I’m only going by things that have directly said to me, which on the whole haven’t been that nice but obviously reflect the opinions of broader society.

It’s quite insulting to be told that you are weird etc
It’s also quite odd to keep reading that people should avoid having a child and them being like you.

I had no choice in the matter. I am what I am purely because of circumstances.

Well rude people are different, they're just rude. Try to ignore them.

I hate how people keep assuming that only children get more attention and opportunities than those with siblings.

That really isn't the case. If your parents don't play or spend time with you, you are stuck on your own.

It can be very hard to learn how to make friends when you don't get to see others of a similar age outside of school.

Holidays can be very boring when there is no-one to talk to and everything is what your parents want to do.

kpon58 but that’s just shit parenting. A sibling should be a substitute for a parent

*shouldnt

To be fair, as a parent of five (soon to be six), ever since my fourth child was born I’ve received an awful lot of comments about how I mustn’t give them enough attention, how they have to miss out on opportunities, even one mum commenting on how they must just “run wild”. I’ve even had snarky comments about overpopulation, which I think is a very negative way to look at a child (particularly given the fact that an aging population is the main factor!), and a rude, unhelpful thing to say. It’s not like I’m going to now kill off four of my children...

So I think it works both ways in our society - deciding to have two or three children seem to be the safest option to avoid comments! I suppose 2/3 is the norm - most families I know have 2/3.

My 17 yo DS is an only child. I have one DB who also has an only child of 15. We have a tiny little extended family.

My DS has only recently confessed that he has been lonely at times, but we have a pretty open house to his friends which is lovely for all of us. I am very close to my DB and did advise my DIL to "have another quickly" when her DS was born (the mistake i made) but it is what it is.

I have enough friends whose children fight like cats and dogs to think that having more than one child "for company" is a must.

SIL not DIL.. he's only 17 😂

I think it’s the height of rudeness to comment on somebodies choices regarding their family size, however I made the decision from very young that I would always have a bigger family.

I’m an only child myself and hated it. I constantly begged my poor parents for a sibling! There were issues with my mother miscarrying before me, and almost losing me, so they stopped at the one. I must have made my mum feel terrible, so I never mention it to her now, but it still makes me sad that I’m the only one. I never wanted for anything and had a privileged upbringing, but I’m not going to lie, it was lonely at times.

I’m pretty antisocial and introverted in general and I do attribute this to being an only, and spending lots of time alone. But equally, I know many only children, both adult and young who are not like this, and are/have socialised regularly. Unfortunately I was not and it’s affected me

Waves a flag for the only child group

I was one too and I fully promote/support it!

And of course: THE WORLD IS ALREADY OVER POPULATED. Imagine if all those 4+ children family only had one child. We'd be able to slow the impending doom of global warming, environmental pollution, habitat loss, the sixth mass extinction, intensive farming practices and the consumption of finite natural resources, such as fresh water, arable land and fossil fuels and all sorts!

One parent families are good for the child, parent, environment and society!