To be pissed off that “only children” are talked about so badly?

[AboutAGallonofDietCoke]

Tonight I saw yet another thread on a mummies group, talking about having another child in order to prevent (the curse of) their child becoming an only child.
Am I the only person who thinks it’s really not that bad, there’s actually loads of advantages to being an only child, and the child doesn’t normally care, they know no different.
The only people who seem worried about it are those with siblings?

I am an only child and growing up I had lots of comments normally along the lines of
“aww so sad you’re all on your own”
“ you must be really spoiled”
“Only children are weird”

What the hell do you say to that?

After I had my son I had people telling me “ you are going to have another aren’t you? you wouldn’t want them to be ON THEIR OWN!!l” like it’s the bloody plague.

Am I being unreasonable to think you wouldn’t talk about any other group like this? After all I had no say in my only child status, my mum had cancer when I was little and that’s was that. Why don’t people seem to realise how unpleasant it is?

I'm an only child and it's never bothered me. When DM was ill I thought that maybe it would be nice to have a sibling but I think it was actually easier on my own as I had to make some horrible decisions but at least I could make them without worrying about someone else.

I was once told my parents were cruel for leaving me as an only child. They were told they could have one child with a mother or two children without a mother. People really should keep their opinions to themselves.

No-one had ever commented that ds is an only child. Who are these people that make these comments?
I don't even know what 'traits' an only child is supposed to have.

Meh, it's about parenting. The child who made dd's life a misery at school last year is an only. But he is the most spoilt ever, sun shines out of his arse, is massively cosseted, gets everything he wants, older parents who see him as their little miracle. Because that's what it's down to, parenting not whether you are an only child or not. I also know lots of lovely only children... It's hardly unusual.

It's no one's business but yours. Many threads on here are about sibling rivalry or not getting on with siblings, of course some siblings are really close, but plenty aren't.

My 2 DDs (8 and 5) are close friends with our NDN's 7 year old DD, who is an only child. She's a very friendly, independent and articulate little girl, who is very mature and self-possessed. My DD1 has Attachment Disorder (both my DDs are adopted though birth siblings) and she struggles with friendships. On one occasion, she stormed off saying that DD2 and this friend didn't want to play with her. This really lovely girl (then 6) went after DD1 saying that they really wanted her to play with them. So I didn't need to intervene at all. I was so impressed with her.

It definitely means that I will never say that only children are selfish. It's such a generalisation, all children are different.

I've just got the one because I had a horrible labour and was never doing that again ! Don't think she has suffered as she has plenty of friends and luckily two cousins the same age. She gets more of our time and gets to do more activities than if we had a few. And she doesn't have to share hugs

Everyone's experiences are different. I was an only and said I wouldn't have just one child if I could help it. But there are people who were bullied by siblings or don't get on with them.

I am the only child of an only child. My mother's twin died at birth and there could be no more. She was idolized. My father came to the UK on kinder transport. His parents and disabled sister did not survive. I was not planned and was an inconvenience. My mother told me that I made her conclude there would be no more.

I remember buying comments about only children throughout childhood. MIL, one of five with three, and a senior primary school teacher had spent years making snidey comments about only children - how they are attention seeking, don't share, can't socialise. It has gone on and on.

I have lifelong friends, a successful career, share and love. MIL will be here for her 26th Christmas because her own dd's pissed off to different continents as soon as they were able. They don't even call her on Christmas day and yet only children are selfish.

DH and I had fertility problems. I'd have beenvheart broken if DS had ended up an only and subject to that sort of bigoted shit. He didn't.

Also, if I hadn't married, had DC, I'd have ended up totally alone. No aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.

I'd never comment - but I know quite a few only children whose mums have told me they ask "when am I going to have a baby brother or sister". But then my DD has 2 brothers and constantly asks me when she's going to get a sister. (She's not- I'm done!)

I must admit, I've never noticed any differences in behaviour in only children - they don't seem more spoiled or whatever than my dc. But I have lots of siblings myself, and love it - so I always knew I wanted more than 2 dc.

I've been told I'm cruel, yes really, for only having one child. This is despite the fact that due to health issues it would be dangerous for me to have another.

Both dh and i are onlies. I had a miserable lonely childhood and while dh didn't he still wanted more than one as he felt he missed out. When i was pregnant with our first both our mothers said to us 'Idon'thave only one' that they both really regretted it.

We have 3 now.

I don't recognise the stereotype of being selfish and mean with things tho. I notice that way more with people from bigger families who had to share and felt their things were never their own. Both dh and i are really generous as we've always had more than we need. Both parents say we were constantly giving toys away as children.

I have an only, absolutely through choice. He's a cheerful, generous little soul who always thinks of others before himself, sometimes to a fault

My only DD is the same as your son. I've actually had to stop her giving away most of her things to her friends in the street, she'd have nothing left if she carried on.

Asked froglet if she minds being only child. Said shes fine with it as she gets all attention!

I think its a difficult one. My DH is an "only one" and hates it, the whole burden of family falls on him and he's less close to his mother as a result.

We had a conversation very early on in our relationship as he wanted to check that I did want more than one child. I have 3 siblings and love having that close family bond.

However, some people don't get the choice. I have several friends who would have loved more than one child and it just didn't happen and I also have a couple of friends who have chosen to only have one.

People tend to think what they have/experience that makes them happy would also make others happy.

I think a lot of parents (mums especially) have weird hang ups about their childbearing choices. I was an only child. It was fantastic. I had opportunities that I never would have had if my mum had had the expense and stress of caring for a 2nd child. TBF, she just about survived raising me with her sanity mostly intact. I don't regret not having siblings and I don't feel I've missed out on anything.

We are having two, but that's not because I didn't want my dd to be an only child. We just wanted two children. We don't want any more, but I wouldn't have felt like our family was complete with just the one. But that had nothing to do with her being an only child at all. I think people are just weird and insecure and want justification that what they've done is the right thing because otherwise, the dreaded 'curse'....

I think there are lots of advantages to just having one child, my dd certainly does v well out of it! In a different set of circumstances I would have quite liked another but am happy with my only, she has always said she is glad not to have brothers and sisters she is also generous and has always shared.

People are rude to make nasty comments

I would say a child’s personality is rarely down to their position in the birth order, but just how they’re treated. I know oldest, middle, and youngest children who are massively favoured (and therefore somewhat “spoilt“) in their families and also some “spoilt” only children - one particularly springs to mind as her parents directly said to me they chose to have only one as they didn’t want to have to divide their attention/money/love, which I don’t really think is a very sensible reason. My DD always describes her as “princessy” and she’s determined to always be the centre of attention. But again, that’s not because she’s an only child - it’s because her parents utterly dote on her. DD’s step sister on her dad’s side is the same - not because she’s an only child but because she’s a spoilt child. I think it’s sometimes just easier to spoil only children, which may be why the stereotype has unfairly emerged. I know many only children who are far from spoilt/entitled/antisocial. I know many only children who wish they did have siblings, and some who are glad they don’t. But equally my DD always hankered for a younger brother (she has three sisters and an older brother, but never a younger brother!) so even that’s not exclusive to older children.

I personally am one of many, and have always loved being part of a big family, I think it’s great fun. Therefore I would not have an only child, but I would never dream of judging someone simply because they just had one, just as I hope no one would judge me for having multiple. Ignore those who do judge - they’re idiots

Funny when people say they know single children who went on to have lots of kids. I come from a large family and one sibling has a few children (couple of marriages) - a couple had one and the rest had none (through choice). We had a normal childhood!

And as for spoiled - the most spoiled people I know have been the first born with younger siblings! That goes for children and adults.

I don't want my son to be an only child because I have a huge family and I want my grandchildren to have aunts and uncles. I want my child to have someone who they've shared experiences with for when my DH and I have gone. I know that a sibling isn't a guaranteed friend for life, but there is always a chance!

I teach Reception and find that sometimes only children can struggle with some aspects of school when they first begin; sharing, taking turns and understanding that they're not the centre of the universe can be tough for children growing up without siblings.

However, the same can absolutely be said of children with siblings, too, so genuinely don't think being an only child is the defining factor. Parenting styles, personalities, life experiences, maturity levels and differing temperaments all contribute to make children who they are.

The other thing is that children aren't the finished article. They're works in progress. When they come in to me at age 4 they have so much more growing, learning and understanding to get through and to judge them by my own adult expectations would be grossly unfair. I don't like adults who look at a child and make a snap judgement without having any real insight into who the child is. It's lazy, biased and rude.

I'm an only child - I liked it fine, and hopefully have grown into a well adjusted adult. My child will be an only child, as a) his delivery was traumatic and b) I want to be a parent - not a referee. I also wouldn't want a second child to potentially miss out on things a first child had had, if finances became an issue. That's not to say I frown upon or judge multiple child families AT ALL, it's just my choice and way of thinking - I totally respect other people's choices and more power to them if they want the large family that I don't

Im an only and i hated it growing up and i hate it now.

I’m an only child and have an only child. Pissies me off peoples attitudes towards it. You can be one of 20 and behave badly or be an only child and behave badly. I don’t comment to people I know that I think their 4th child is a shit because they don’t have enough time to share around.

and as for being lonely...... well my brother and I don't speak. He's far to busy to have anything to do with DD or I which is very sad as I don't think he realises what he is doing.

I think that extended family dynamics are far more damaging that whether you have an only child. My brother wouldn't recognise my son in the street - he has shown no interest whatsoever - some years, he even forgets to send a birthday card. We've never had any major bust-ups, we just don't have anything in common, and only even speak on the phone every 2-3 years. I certainly feel like an only child, even though I had a brother, and my son doesn't really have an uncle.

This "only child" malarky is a load of tribe to be honest. Everyone can come up with anecdotal evidence of "Only ones" being lonely, weird, etc., but there are just as many, if not more, dysfunctional sibling relationships.

Im an only and i hated it growing up and i hate it now.

But you can't be certain that you'd have been any happier having a sibling.