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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

NO such thing as a happy marriage?

65 replies

NeverRed · 17/12/2017 17:17

My husband and I were out with mates at the weekend when he turns around and says he doesn’t believe that you can have a happy marriage! I thought I was in one. AIBU thinking that you can have a happy marriage?

OP posts:
Crumbs1 · 17/12/2017 17:18

Was he teasing? Of course there are happy marriages, the majority probably.

That1950sMum · 17/12/2017 17:18

I have a very happy marriage thank you.

Perfectly possible. You just have to find a decent person and be nice to them!

Original poster
NeverRed · 17/12/2017 17:19

He wasn’t teasing, I was like WTF.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 17/12/2017 17:20

Well that's not very nice!

Ask him what he's unhappy about?

laurely · 17/12/2017 17:20

That would really upset me. I have a happy marriage . Hope you are ok

SoftlyCatchyMonkey1 · 17/12/2017 17:21

What a horrible thing for him to say!

AnneLovesGilbert · 17/12/2017 17:22

Did you ask him what he was on about? I'd be really upset too! What's the fucking point if it's not at least mostly happy?

streetlife70s · 17/12/2017 17:22

If I wasn’t happy in my marriage I wouldn’t be in it. I enjoy my own company and I’m very capable of being a single parent.

I’ll only stay with someone as long as I’m happy and my husband certainly seems happy so your OH is talking tosh.

MsGameandWatching · 17/12/2017 17:23

I think for a marriage to be “happy”, one of the two has to be making more compromises and sacrifices than the other. If they’re ok with that then the marriage will be happy.

romany4 · 17/12/2017 17:23

Well that's bollocks.
I've been married to my DH for nearly 30 years and still love him to bits

Original poster
NeverRed · 17/12/2017 17:25

I would class my marriage as a happy one, but I guess that’s just one sided. He tried to say it was because everyone does things that annoy one another so no one is truly happy.

OP posts:
Raisedbyguineapigs · 17/12/2017 17:26

I'd be quite pissed off at that. It would be different if he had said he didn't believe marriages were happy all the time, because obviously over the years, problems are going to come up and difficult patches are going to have to be got through. To say it in front of your friends and you is horrible. Did he explain it?

BornInSydneyy · 17/12/2017 17:27

I don’t believe that’s such a thing as a constantly happy marriage. Everyone goes through rough times. But ultimately overall it can be a happy marriage in general.

Raisedbyguineapigs · 17/12/2017 17:28

Yes but that's life that we have to interact with people at work or socially. They only way to avoid annoying people is to be completely alone. And even then, you still have to live with yourself!

BulletFox · 17/12/2017 17:29

But no-one is happy all the time - generally we try to do the best we can do.

And relationships, any of them, go through ups and downs. Sounds like a misunderstanding, talk to him and explain what you said here

Whatthefoxgoingon · 17/12/2017 17:30

You can have a happy marriage and still bicker and fight. Life is not a Disney movie. My children and husband can annoy me all they want, I’d be devastated without them and the happy times far outweigh the dark ones.

Hermagsjesty · 17/12/2017 17:31

Maybe he meant there’s so much thing as a perfect marriage...? But you can be happy without things being perfect

Lichtie · 17/12/2017 17:31

I'd be more worried about someone who thought they were constantly happy and their partner is perfect in every way.... At some point the realisation would have to hit.

scottishdiem · 17/12/2017 17:33

In every marriage there are always compromises by one partner for the other. My compromises dont make me happy but I do them because I love DP. And vice versa.

VioletDaze · 17/12/2017 17:34

I think there's no such thing as a perfect marriage where two people never disagree and nothing goes wrong.

I have a very happy marriage, but I fight with DH and sometimes want to throttle him. That's human. I can't think of anyone I love who isn't annoying at times.

meredintofpandiculation · 17/12/2017 17:36

Everyone does things that annoy one's partner, but in a happy marriage the things he does to annoy you are outweighed by the things he does that make you happy.

jaseyraex · 17/12/2017 17:37

Did he perhaps just mean in the sense that no one can be happy all the time? I have a very happy marriage but there are of course days where I'd gladly stick a pillow over DH's face!

specialsubject · 17/12/2017 17:39

What a shattering comment for you. Has he explained?

Bonosglasses · 17/12/2017 17:41

30 years married and counting. It's been hard work at times but we're happy.

SendintheArdwolves · 17/12/2017 17:44

He tried to say it was because everyone does things that annoy one another so no one is truly happy

I think he is confusing happy with perfect - by his logic, there would be no such thing as a happy childhood, a happy job, a happy relationship, a happy day - a happy anything.

This may have been a throwaway comment/he might have thought he was being funny (espec in front of his friends), but I think his reaction to you pulling him up on it is important - has he apologised and taken it back, or is he resolutely sticking to his guns? Because if he is persisting in saying that he is not in a happy marriage, then you need to take that seriously.