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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu about taking home leftovers?

117 replies

WhyamIBoredathome · 16/12/2017 18:21

Ok, so as not to influence I won't say who I am.
Family member A invites member B and their family over for lunch.
Both families are made up of two adults and two children.
Person A does all the shopping and cooking for main course and nibbles.
Person B offers to bring dessert and spends time and effort making a Nigella cake recipe to bring.
Both families have a nice time and enjoy all the food. About a quarter of the cake is leftover.
On leaving Person B picks up the leftover cake to take it home. Person A's husband expresses surprise that they aren't leaving it behind. Person B takes cake as they cooked it so felt this is fair.

Who is being unreasonable?

Is person B right to take cake as they put time and effort into baking?
Or is person A right expecting cake to be left as they bought and cooked main course (everything got eaten) and hosted.

OP posts:
WhyamIBoredathome · 16/12/2017 18:44

We wouldn't take wine, they are teetotal. Hence we take puds to each other.

OP posts:
WhyamIBoredathome · 16/12/2017 18:45

She said "oh I'm taking it for our tea"

OP posts:
Worriedrose · 16/12/2017 18:46

Damn
Then I agree with smoothloopy
Eat it all, face drop into it! Even if it makes you puke

TheDowagerCuntess · 16/12/2017 18:47

Person B is a graceless gonk who shouldn't be entertained in polite society. Who does that?

^^This

RB68 · 16/12/2017 18:48

If its family I might ask to take SOME home if loads left but otherwise would just leave and collect dish another time

WhyamIBoredathome · 16/12/2017 18:48

I had two massive slices, because I knew she wouldn't leave it. But I'd have been sick if I had another!

I love her because she's family but she is decidedly lacking in social graces at times.
I've known her forever so I'm used to it, but it's only because OH said "do you realise how weird it is?" that I wondered what everyone else would think.

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 16/12/2017 18:48

Well, it is a bit of a drip feed!
It happens every time?
So why did your husband express surprise?

Presumably you like them enough to have them round, you know it's their way, I wouldn't be bothered.

In their minds, perhaps their contribution is "dessert for the evening" so anything left over wasn't their contribution to the evening. I think you're more likely to over cater a cake than a main course.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't do it. But I don't see it as a big deal.

You go to each other's for dinner regularly - so I don't think the "gift" for the host element of it fits, exactly. A first time dinner with someone I would take wine and flowers. But this sounds a much less formal affair.

Next time, say "that was delicious - can we split it actually - I'd love another slice tomorrow".

The only time I'd have a problem, is if they took their extra cake home, but got the arse if you tried to!

Perhaps because you never do, they think you're not consumers of leftover pudding, and genuinely think it's going to get binned? Grin

Jaxhog · 16/12/2017 18:50

I've had guests take half drunk (and full) bottles of wine home before now. I wouldn't dream of doing this!

So yes, taking your gift of a cake home is quite rude, IMHO.

Worriedrose · 16/12/2017 18:51

Family are fucking wierd
But they're family! And it's only a cake.

Worriedrose · 16/12/2017 18:52

At least it gives you something to post about on aibu!!

Ellisandra · 16/12/2017 18:52

Does "lacking in social graces sometimes" mean not really up on normal etiquette, or actual rudeness?

Because the former might fit with my suggestion that she sees them as providing dessert, so once dessert is finished, the rest is kind of a separate entity? Almost - not part of the original offering, so not actually being taken away?

My diagnosed ASD niece would struggle to understand why she was leaving behind cake that she wanted. She wouldn't see this gift / etiquette thing at all.

Jaxhog · 16/12/2017 18:52

Mind you, I've also taken a bottle/food to a dinner party, only to see it disappear into the fridge never to be seen again!

Anything you take to dinner is a gift that you expect to be shared. But still a gift to the host.

WhyamIBoredathome · 16/12/2017 18:53

That's why I've never said anything worried. I don't thinm Oh intended to, I think it just came out. In his culture (not English) I think this would the pinnacle of weirdness and rudeness.

OP posts:
ChristmasFOG · 16/12/2017 18:54

That cake should've been left - that was rude of person B to just take it - how odd!

Bluetrews25 · 16/12/2017 18:54

Well, you know what to do next time you go to them - take remainder of your offering home. What's acceptable for them should be for you, too.

Worriedrose · 16/12/2017 18:55

Be interesting to see what happens next time!
I don't think you're husband was wrong btw!

WhyamIBoredathome · 16/12/2017 18:55

She's not asd, just chooses to ignore normal social conventions as she sees fit to suit herself.

OP posts:
MiltonTheCockroach · 16/12/2017 18:56

Next time lick the leftover cake.
See if B still wants to take it home.

Worriedrose · 16/12/2017 18:56

@MiltonTheCockroach
GrinGrin

Gemini69 · 16/12/2017 18:57

Person B is a greedy cow.... and she is Rude Xmas Grin

WhyamIBoredathome · 16/12/2017 18:58

Blue - I'm not going to take my offering home, or I'd be just as bad. I thought maybe she would eventually cotton on that it's normal to leave it, but after 20 odd years of this happening it's looking unlikely!

OP posts:
Julie8008 · 16/12/2017 18:59

It is rude but its not the end of the world, just an idiosyncrasy. However I would make sure anytime they were hosting I took all my leftovers home with me. Fairs fair.

Rudgie47 · 16/12/2017 19:00

Just ask her to not be so damn tight all the time.Or eat out and let her pay for herself and her kids or whatever.

thegoodnamesarealltaken · 16/12/2017 19:00

B is being unreasonable.

ringle · 16/12/2017 19:01

person B needs smaller cake tins.
Alternatively, person
B could make cakes in cake cases and leave half in her car.