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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu about taking home leftovers?

117 replies

WhyamIBoredathome · 16/12/2017 18:21

Ok, so as not to influence I won't say who I am.
Family member A invites member B and their family over for lunch.
Both families are made up of two adults and two children.
Person A does all the shopping and cooking for main course and nibbles.
Person B offers to bring dessert and spends time and effort making a Nigella cake recipe to bring.
Both families have a nice time and enjoy all the food. About a quarter of the cake is leftover.
On leaving Person B picks up the leftover cake to take it home. Person A's husband expresses surprise that they aren't leaving it behind. Person B takes cake as they cooked it so felt this is fair.

Who is being unreasonable?

Is person B right to take cake as they put time and effort into baking?
Or is person A right expecting cake to be left as they bought and cooked main course (everything got eaten) and hosted.

OP posts:
RNBrie · 16/12/2017 18:31

Person B is rude.

Ilovetolurk · 16/12/2017 18:31

B is unreasonable

It’s rude to take home the remainders of what you brought unless invited to, nigella or not

Fellia · 16/12/2017 18:32

B is rude.

Please say you’re A OP 😂

ItsYuleyme · 16/12/2017 18:32

Person B should not have taken the left over cake back.
Very bad mannered!

AnUtterIdiot · 16/12/2017 18:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AdalindSchade · 16/12/2017 18:33

Person B was classless. Husband A shouldn't have said anything.

Xmasbaby11 · 16/12/2017 18:33

Every time I've been in that position, we've discussed who wants it and often split it.

But tbh it's not a big deal if either A or B assumes it's theirs. I can't imagine getting upset either way - it's only a few bits of cake. And I say that as someone who's makes an effort to bake!

AnUtterIdiot · 16/12/2017 18:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tshirtsuntan · 16/12/2017 18:33

Leave the cake. If you drank half a bottle of wine that you brought with you would you take the other half home? (I hope Not!)

Sirzy · 16/12/2017 18:33

I remember my BIL Mum coming to Christmas dinner at my parents she came with a ham joint she had cooked and then took what was left with her - and then had the cheek to also ask for some turkey to take with her Hmm

If you take food or drink to a hosts house then it is a gift you can’t just take it with you when you leave

ItsInTheDogsMouth · 16/12/2017 18:33

I agree with the others, person B should not have taken the cake home.** (I hope you're person A) OP.

Namechangetempissue · 16/12/2017 18:34

The cake should have been left -it was rude to take it.

Ellisandra · 16/12/2017 18:35

What's the point with cryptic OPs that inevitably lead to drip feeds?

Just say who you are, what happened, how you feel, and why.

You only have to spend 10 minutes on AIBU to know that there's no bias to side with the poster Hmm

I think it's a storm in a tea cup. You're friends /family.

Person B - will you eat the cake? If not I'll take it?
Person A - it's yummy, let's split it / you take it / whatever

You shouldn't need Debretts between friends.

Theresnonamesleft · 16/12/2017 18:35

Person B.
Person A shouldn’t bother inviting them over again for food.

PeonyBucket · 16/12/2017 18:35

Person B has no manners. It's very rude to contribute a small part of a meal, and then take it home! I often take dessert to friends for dinner. Usually my speciality crumble. I wouldn't dream of taking what was left. Of course, I'd want the dish back, but really. How petty.

expatinscotland · 16/12/2017 18:36

Person B. Rude. And if A offered them it's polite to decline.

Chrys2017 · 16/12/2017 18:39

Both are BU.
Person B should have left the cake, and Person A shouldn't have made any comment about Person B not leaving the cake.

Original poster
WhyamIBoredathome · 16/12/2017 18:39

I'm person A. There's no drip feed, except to say that person B does this every single time we host them. When they host and we take dessert over we always ask for one of their dishes to transfer leftovers (so we can take our dish home) and leave it for them.
My OH finds it utterly bizarre that they take the rest home.

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 16/12/2017 18:41

@expatinscotland I don't think I've ever disagreed with you Grin

Just on the polite to decline bit.
I hate that bollocks!
Person A shouldn't offer unless it's genuine, making it perfectly OK for B to accept.

What if I say "sure will you take the cake home? It's lovely but I know I'll not get through it..." and B declines through some weird rule of not saying what you mean - and it ends up in the bin!

I know in this case A didn't offer though!

haveacupoftea · 16/12/2017 18:41

Extremely odd behaviour from B. The joy of spending hours creating something lovely to eat is giving it to your loved ones to enjoy.

junebirthdaygirl · 16/12/2017 18:41

Unless person A said that cake was delicious but please take some home person B was way out of order. Hostess decides.

Brandbrandbrandy · 16/12/2017 18:41

What did B say when your OH pulled her up?

Worriedrose · 16/12/2017 18:42

It is bizarre
Next time you go and take a bottle of wine upon leaving, minesweep all the wine and put it in a really old water bottle and take it home.
They might get the hint

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 16/12/2017 18:43

Person B is a graceless gonk who shouldn't be entertained in polite society. Who does that?

Smoothyloopy · 16/12/2017 18:43

I'd make it my business to eat all of the cake, no matter how sick it made me feel!

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