To go to Canada for a week and leave dp in charge of dd?

[HeavyMetalMummy]

My best mate lives in Canada. We've not seen each other for a good couple of years and it's fair to say I've missed him terribly. Especially since having dd, I don't have many friends and rarely socialise partly because of this but also because of child care issues (dp often has to work weekends and I work Monday to Friday) we have no family locally. I have never spent a night away from dd, however dp has gone on weekends with his mates. Should clarify this is because he has an actual local social circle unlike me. However, this wouldn't just be a weekend jaunt it would be a full week of just him looking after dd. He'd have to take holiday time in order for it to happen as he would typically start work at 6am and although our child minder loves our dd like hell would she be having her over that early. Having said that there is no reason why dp couldn't drop her off at usual time each day and enjoy a week with his days mostly his own if he wanted. So would I be unreasonable to go? My friend is very well off and has offered to pay for my flights. Not going to lie I would love a break but is it unfair to dp?

It is also means if she does that the friend can't turn around and say "well you owe me" while she's over there

So DD and DP should go without a holiday? If I was DP's mum I wouldn't be impressed either and wouldn't be offering money for any more holidays.

I would go, especially before dd reaches school age when all leave will have to be taken in holidats etc.

Wow! 'you owe me' What context are we going for here please? I can think of 2 and both are absolutely appalling and infer my friend of more than a decade is a devious twat

It's a shame that your friend is so far away. It's definitely right and proper that you get to see your friends and have some time away, but the circumstances aren't so helpful. DH has to use annual leave, your DD will not see you for a week, you're somewhat beholden to your friend because they're paying.

Two suggestions here. One is that you really need to build up your local social circle, perhaps through joining mother and toddler groups or mumsnet meets or something, so that you have some local friends. Then you might have the option of a weekend away rather than a full blown 8 days trip.

Secondly, can't your friend fly over to the UK and rather than staying with you, meet up somewhere for a few days? Surely should be easier for them to travel as presuming they don't have very young family.

What happens when a second child is born and unfortunately the child or the mother has to stay in hospital bit longer than usual? Or if the mother has to go into hospital for other reasons?

OP Assuming your DP is competent to look after your DD - do it. It will be good for all concerned.

My husband has a single female friend who he sometimes meets up. I trust him completely and know he wouldn't have an affair with her but a few years ago I was a bit pissed off when he went with her to a local attraction that he'd never been to with me! And I know I would not want him to go and stay with her for a week.

So if your husband isn't comfortable with it I don't think you should go. However he may have no problem with it.

When my mum was in hospital having me my 2 year old brother was at home with his dad and doting grandparents for 5 days. When she got home he'd stopped eating everything but Weetabix having previously eaten everything. His food issues lasted until he was an adult. So personally I wouldn't leave a child that age for anything longer than overnight by choice.

I don't know many women who would be happy if their husbands went off on a paid holiday to Canada with a female friend for a week, leaving them at home to use their annual leave to do childcare, and knowing that they couldn't afford a family holiday together either.

Weekends away aren't quite the same as in most jobs, they don't require using annual leave by either party, and presumably OP is free to have an equal number weekends away.

I would discuss it with him and be prepared for him not be too happy about it. "Oh right" is the kind of response I give when I'm not too happy about something but don't want to get into an argument about it!

In families where both parents work, it is entirely ordinary that parents have to tag team annual holiday for childcare purposes once the kid is in school. I don’t know anyone who hasn’t had to use holiday time in school holidays to look after kids because no holiday club is available or whatever. It’s pretty unusual to be able to save holiday time for actual holidays these days, isn’t it?