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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go to Canada for a week and leave dp in charge of dd?

84 replies

HeavyMetalMummy · 16/12/2017 07:04

My best mate lives in Canada. We've not seen each other for a good couple of years and it's fair to say I've missed him terribly. Especially since having dd, I don't have many friends and rarely socialise partly because of this but also because of child care issues (dp often has to work weekends and I work Monday to Friday) we have no family locally. I have never spent a night away from dd, however dp has gone on weekends with his mates. Should clarify this is because he has an actual local social circle unlike me. However, this wouldn't just be a weekend jaunt it would be a full week of just him looking after dd. He'd have to take holiday time in order for it to happen as he would typically start work at 6am and although our child minder loves our dd like hell would she be having her over that early. Having said that there is no reason why dp couldn't drop her off at usual time each day and enjoy a week with his days mostly his own if he wanted. So would I be unreasonable to go? My friend is very well off and has offered to pay for my flights. Not going to lie I would love a break but is it unfair to dp?

OP posts:
Tinselistacky · 16/12/2017 10:09

You would be leaving dd with her df not sending her to clean chimneys for a week!!

FluffyWuffy100 · 16/12/2017 10:15

I’d go. Absolutely. Be good for you, and good for DP and DD to have some daddy daughter time.

PippaPug · 16/12/2017 10:23

Could you ask the childminder to have her early a few days - so your DP could still go to work and not use as much annual leave up?
You could pay the childminder double/triple pay and I reckon she would be more likely for go for it!

Marnie182 · 16/12/2017 10:27

I don't understand why some posters think it's unreasonable for your Dh, your dd father to shock horror 😮 use anaul leave to look after and spend time with his dd on his own Hmm
Welcome to 2017 where sexism is still alive and kicking.

YANBU op. Go and enjoy yourself Smile

worridmum · 16/12/2017 10:31

Would you be happy for your partner to swan off for a full week or would you be on here complaining if he wanted too?

Crunchymum · 16/12/2017 10:31

Have you asked your DP his thoughts? Radical idea I know Grin

g1itterati · 16/12/2017 10:33

Only you know about your DH's work circumstances and how practical it is to take time off.
How would you feel if his female "bestie" was offering to fly him out to Canada for a week?
Is this male friend of yours single? I doubt many husbands would be happy with this tbh.

Original poster
HeavyMetalMummy · 16/12/2017 10:34

I think the main concern for others, as it is for me. Is that he would have to use holiday time and actually not 'be on holiday' whilst I, in fact would be. I don't consider it an issue of sexism it's about if that's a fair thing for one parent to expect of the other.

OP posts:
g1itterati · 16/12/2017 10:38

Look you have a daughter now so it's fairly obvious that she'll be featuring in both of your "holiday times" for the next 15 years. Most parents don't really expect child-free holidays! I wouldn't worry about your DP using up his holiday time in that respect.

Original poster
HeavyMetalMummy · 16/12/2017 10:39

Worridmum, I'd be cool with it. I'd probably take the chance to go down to my sister or m folks down south.

OP posts:
LivingDeadGirlUK · 16/12/2017 10:42

Sounds fine to me, my partner was away for nearly 2 weeks this year, i told him he owes me once our son isn't breastfed :)

Original poster
HeavyMetalMummy · 16/12/2017 10:42

G1, I'd be fine with it. I trust dp no problem. My friend is separated and heading towards divorce.

OP posts:
g1itterati · 16/12/2017 10:46

So is this guy offering to fly you out because he wants some moral support?

I think you just have to ask your husband if he's ok with that?

stickytoffeevodka · 16/12/2017 10:48

Well, to make it fair, maybe he can go on holiday on his own later in the year and you can take a week off to look after DD?

Original poster
HeavyMetalMummy · 16/12/2017 10:52

LivingDead your made of tougher stuff than I. When I was bf I think I'd have had a break down if dp had gone for 2 weeks. Would have been too much for me.

OP posts:
caffelatte100 · 16/12/2017 10:54

Yes, you wnbu to go for a week. Or all three of you go in the summer for a couple of weeks and you fly out a few days before.It's a great destination for a family holiday.

Blackteadrinker77 · 16/12/2017 10:55

I don't see any problem with it.

And the posters suggesting some thing is up because her friend is a man need to get a grip.

WatchingFromTheWings · 16/12/2017 10:57

Do it! It's only fair, seeing as he's had a number of weekends away with mates. I've done it myself too, in the past. Went away for 6 days to see friends abroad whilst my now ExH took the week off work to look after the kids. It was an eye opener for him!

DistanceCall · 16/12/2017 11:10

I've always thoughts that in families where there is one many carer, it's an incredibly good idea for the other parent to take care of the children for a week every now and then, so that they get an idea of what it's like.

Go, OP. Sounds like a fantastic plan.

AnonymousToday2 · 16/12/2017 11:12

Do it! It's only fair, seeing as he's had a number of weekends away with mates

There are so many posts focusing on 'fairness' for you and your oh when that isn't the issue IMO.

I think ywbu to go away for a whole week considering your dc has never spent even one night without you so far. She may be fine but there's also the possibility that she will suffer a lot at your sudden disappearance for a significant amount of time.

Don't get me wrong, I left my older two from about a year overnight but I started gradually, with one night with dh, then one night with my mum. We didn't particularly go out a lot but by the time I went away for four nights, they were well used to staying with others for 1/2 nights so it was less of a shock.

Forget about competing with your dh for equal time away and think about how your dd will cope.

Original poster
HeavyMetalMummy · 16/12/2017 11:21

Anonymous that is another consideration yes, I guess it would be an opportunity to have other smaller breaks too ahead of then. Financially it would prove difficult though, we don't have money to burn on random nights away in hotels. Which is what I'd have to do, as I mentioned I've not really got a social circle so no kipping at a mates house or splitting the costs which is what dp has been able to do with his weekend trips.

OP posts:
DistanceCall · 16/12/2017 11:23

A 2.5 year-old isn't going to be traumatised by spending a week alone with her father, even if she never has before.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 16/12/2017 11:27

I don't think it's fair either. You've not got the money for him to have a trip like this yet are quite happy to go, leave him without a holiday and make him take annual leave to cover the childcare.

Can you imagine the responses the other way round? If a DH wanted to fly across the world to another female who was single as recently divorcing and he expected his wife to take leave and cover it? How many would be agreeing? Double standards are very rife.

InsomniacAnonymous · 16/12/2017 11:28

DistanceCall I would think she would be too young to understand where her mother's gone and when she'll be coming back. I can imagine her being very upset indeed.

InsomniacAnonymous · 16/12/2017 11:29

YellowMakesMeSmile yes I agree with your post 100%. The responses would be entirely different.

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