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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel going out again last minute

80 replies

Wishfulmakeupping · 15/12/2017 12:21

Missed last 3 nights out as Dh or dd was ill. Supposed to be going out tonight but ds who had a cough yest, is now snotty and has fever could leave him with Dh but worried as ds has history of bronchitis.
I've missed all my Xmas nights out this year hope my friends understand if I cancel again!

OP posts:
KERALA1 · 15/12/2017 13:17

The first night out I had after dd2 born I came home and looked in on them both had different night clothes and bedding. Shortly after I left they both starting vomiting all over everything. This has never happened before or since. Didn't occur to dh to ring me he dealt with it as he their father and a capable adult.

Unfinishedkitchen · 15/12/2017 13:20

Wow I’m glad DH and I parent equally and that DD will run to whichever one of us is closest. I do think some mums have some weird notion that they are better mothers because their kids only go to them but I actually think they are setting themselves up and making their DH look shit.

I would not be impressed if you bailed on me because your DS had a cold if your DH (whom I’m assuming doesn’t have a history of neglect) was at home.

ASmallBlueberry · 15/12/2017 13:20

It's weird on here sometimes, like an alternate universe! In real life, my mum friends generally wouldn't want to be out if their little ones were poorly because they can't relax the same and yes, because the kids tend to want their mum!

I'd understand if you cancelled because of that, you won't enjoy the night the same if you're worrying anyway. I like to be with DD if she's poorly and friends who don't understand that aren't great friends!

NeilPetark · 15/12/2017 13:23

If your DH can't cope looking after his own children for one evening, I'd be worried about what kind of man I'd married, tbh.

This. Go out. I have a friend who cancels a lot and it’s really irritating.

Dozer · 15/12/2017 13:23

HOw old are your DC?

Important for lots of reasons that your H gets plenty of time providing sole care for them.

SomethingNewForNow · 15/12/2017 13:23

The one and only time DD has been sick (she is now 10) I was out. DH dealt with it. He had to. He was there. I was not.

He dealt with it fine apart from a bit of bleach on a hand-towel. Because he is an adult.

TalkinBoutWhat · 15/12/2017 13:24

He's snotty, not completely ill. You can't continue cancelling nights out on a 'maybe' or you'll start losing your friends because they'll get tired of being let down all the time.

Go, keep your phone handy, mention that your DS is ill so you won't be drinking much just in case you have a hospital trip with him. And have a good time!!!!!!

HolyShet · 15/12/2017 13:27

Go out

Guilt is a waste of energy and entirely misplaced

If you are needed, you can get a taxi home. Realistically how likely is it that DS will need to be blue-lighted to hospital? Very unlikely.

Deedee0208 · 15/12/2017 13:30

I wouldn't go if it was me, my children come first, and I would spend the whole time panicking and worrying, I do have bad anxiety though x

wiltingfast · 15/12/2017 13:31

You sound completely ridiculous and if I was one of your pals I'd be v pissed off.

Child has a functioning Dad who presumably can call you if he gets concerned.

Get a grip woman. Your child needs to be able to rely on his Dad, not just you.

Lethaldrizzle · 15/12/2017 13:31

You're not that indispensable! It's only a couple of hours

Dozer · 15/12/2017 13:35

“My children come first”: they are with their father and there are other important things in life too, friendships being one.

I commute and work FT and rarely socialise because I’m often knackered and feel guilty leaving the DC . It has damaged my friendships and I’m trying to find ways to work on this.

My parents are socially isolated partly due to choices made in their “childraising years”, and overinvested in their adult DCs’ lives. I don’t want to be like that.

Aki99 · 15/12/2017 13:36

Don't get into the 'must deal with all sickness' mentality. If your husband is 80% he can deal. Your child will cope with an evening away from you.

NeilPetark · 15/12/2017 13:38

I work shifts and often work an entire weekend. DH has the DC, do you think I stay at home if they’re ill? No, I go to work because he’s at home with them.

fruitbrewhaha · 15/12/2017 14:18

Go, it will be fun.
I hate it when people drop out last minute for some flaky reasons.
You don't have to get wasted, have a couple of drinks and keep your phone on you. Your children and husband will be fine, they will all probably be asleep all evening.

fruitbrewhaha · 15/12/2017 14:22

It's weird on here sometimes, like an alternate universe! In real life, my mum friends generally wouldn't want to be out if their little ones were poorly because they can't relax the same and yes, because the kids tend to want their mum!

It's one evening! Why do women martyr themselves this way. It's an insult to fathers to suggest they couldn't possibly manage. Young kids who are ill will be asleep in the evening anyway.

I understand wanting to keep a lid on it, so as not to be hungover the next day, but you can still leave the house for an evening.

CaptainChristmas · 15/12/2017 14:25

I wouldn’t be impressed if someone rocked up for a night out saying she’d had to change her clothes, as she’d just been puked on by someone with a vomiting bug... I’d definitely prefer that one had cancelled tbh! But, that has less to do with me thinking that she should be at home tending to her poorly child so much as me thinking she was going to infect the whole bar / restaurant etc.

curryforbreakfast · 15/12/2017 14:27

In real life, my mum friends generally wouldn't want to be out if their little ones were poorly because they can't relax the same and yes, because the kids tend to want their mum!

If you have sexist martyrish irritating friends, maybe. Can honestly say I don't know such people.

Lethaldrizzle · 15/12/2017 15:11

You say tomato I say tomartyr

BenLui · 15/12/2017 15:28

My DH and I consider it a critical part of good parenting that both parents are able to fully take care of their D.C.

What if one of you was ill or heaven forbid died?

DH in particular has little respect for men that can’t or won’t feed/dress/bathe/ care for their D.C.

My DH can do everything including ponytails.

If you aren’t breastfeeding the there’s nothing your DH can’t do that you can.

Go out, it will be good for your DH and DS’s relationship.

If you are concerned about possible bronchitis by all means don’t drink but a cold is not a reason to cancel.

KERALA1 · 15/12/2017 15:39

Agree curry. I would be internally Hmm if a friend bailed in such circumstances and think her a martyr. I get not leaving with a teenage sitter if they are very ill but to be worried about leaving with the father is odd in the extreme.

NoParticularPattern · 15/12/2017 15:40

Whilst I do I think that you should go out OP, I don’t get this attitude in here of men having to be equal parents even when circumstances don’t allow it. I’m not saying men shouldn’t pull their weight at all, but what is the OP to do when DH is at work? My DH works long hours- out at 7am and not back in until after 10pm- so how can I possibly expect him to “parent equally” with me? He isn’t in the house for over 12 hours out of 24 which surely makes that impossible? How is it so hard to grasp that perhaps not every father is physically able to be a 50/50 parent with the mother?

Not strictly relevant as OP’s DH is available, but the way people go on on here baffles me sometimes!

KERALA1 · 15/12/2017 15:40

Do wonder if its a power thing for some women "they only want mum when they are ill etc"

tampinfuminragin · 15/12/2017 15:41

Go or do you not really want to go?

BenLui · 15/12/2017 15:53

NoParticularPattern but that isn’t what we’re discussing here.

It’s not about who spends what amount of time with the child it’s about both parents being fully competent in taking care of their children when they are with them.

I was a SAHM when my D.C. were little but my DH still knew how to change nappies, dress them, feed them, comfort and settle them. None of which is exactly rocket science tbh.