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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel going out again last minute

80 replies

Wishfulmakeupping · 15/12/2017 12:21

Missed last 3 nights out as Dh or dd was ill. Supposed to be going out tonight but ds who had a cough yest, is now snotty and has fever could leave him with Dh but worried as ds has history of bronchitis.
I've missed all my Xmas nights out this year hope my friends understand if I cancel again!

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 15/12/2017 12:43

It's all very well saying Can't his dad have him but this is no slur on his dad, but When children are sick they just want mum

Absolute sexist crap. My kids have always looked at both me and DH equally thankfully when theyre sick.

OP no idea why you would feel guilty when your DH is more than capable of looking after your DS.

EvilDoctorBallerinaRoastDuck · 15/12/2017 12:43

My DC are sexist! They won't ask DH for a drink if I'm there, even if DH is in the kitchen. Xmas Hmm

CantChoose · 15/12/2017 12:44

Would DP cancel his night out under the same circumstances?

afrikat · 15/12/2017 12:45

I would definitely go especially if you're only 10 minutes away. It sounds like you could do with a bit of a break and your DH can let you know if he is going downhill.

KatnissMellark · 15/12/2017 12:46

Do bedtime then go? Don't drink too much in case you have a disturbed night.

rightsofwomen · 15/12/2017 12:47

When children are sick they just want mum.

I had a social worker say exactly this to me (complicated contact issues with ex and DS). Sigh.

FluffyWuffy100 · 15/12/2017 12:47

My DC are sexist! They won't ask DH for a drink if I'm there, even if DH is in the kitchen

Nice gender shit role you’ve set yourself up for there.

HerRoyalNotness · 15/12/2017 12:50

I hope you go, it's only 10mins away. Stick to 2 drinks max. If your Ds gets worse and has to go hospital you'll be home by the time your DH has faffed about wondering what to take with him.

Viviennemary · 15/12/2017 12:50

If there are quite a few going then give it a miss. Otherwise try and make it. Can't the father take care of him for one evening. It is incredibly annoying when people keep cancelling things. Puts people of inviting them to anything.

Dsmummy · 15/12/2017 12:51

Hey sexist or not, my two want me when they are poorly. Damn chauvinist kids!!
I would also feel guilty leaving them but in this case I'd probably show my face for a bit and then leave.

Original poster
Wishfulmakeupping · 15/12/2017 12:53

It's interesting reading the responses I wonder if my thinking has always been a bit off with this as a year back I so shocked when my friend arrived at night out moaning she'd had to changed outfit as her dd with sickness bug had puked all over her and st the time I didn't say anything but thought to myself 'why have you left her ill to come out'
Maybe I need to rethink my ideas!

OP posts:
K0729P · 15/12/2017 12:55

"When he's ill he's basically attached to me 24/7" Well give him the opportunity to attach to his father then?

Your DH will be more than capable to look after him. Without trying to sound unsympathetic, he'll develop bronchitis whether you are there or not, whether it be tonight or tomorrow or in a few days.

You don't want to be THAT friend, who'll eventually stop being asked out if there is always an excuse not to go.

Go out with your friends and enjoy yourself!

Original poster
Wishfulmakeupping · 15/12/2017 12:57

I'm sahm and Dh works long hours on a normal day if ds was sick it wouldn't be unusual for him to wake after Dh has left and be in bed before he's home- he's always been a clingy since he was ill was a baby and he was bf so every time he's been hospitalised I've been the one with him

OP posts:
Lunde · 15/12/2017 12:58

I am sure that your DH will manage - he won't ever manage if you always take over. Leave the kids with DH and go out - but get him to call if the situation worsens and he thinks they need to head to A&E

RNBrie · 15/12/2017 12:58

My kids are happy with either me or my dh when they are sick because we parent them equally. If your kids only want you when they are sick then I'd see that as a problem to fix rather than a good thing.

There are threads on here every day about men not pulling their weight in the house and this is a great example of how that can come to pass. By staying home you are showing everyone in your house and your friends that he is not as good a parent as you. My dh would be offended by that.

Braceface · 15/12/2017 12:59

It is perfectly possible to go out and not drink, then you can drive home.

Sirzy · 15/12/2017 13:02

It depends how much you value being invited out by these friends if you keep cancelling last minute they may simply stop inviting you

KERALA1 · 15/12/2017 13:03

Baffled as to the issue - the dad is there? Why would you both need to stay in because a child has a cold? God I must be a terrible mother as wouldn't occur to me to bail in these circs

geekone · 15/12/2017 13:03

RNBrie I agree my DH would be offended too. There are two parents.

There are a lot of threads on here about how DHs don't pull weight with kids but I suspect that this is the reason why.

OP go out enjoy yourself let your DH be a dad.

coalit · 15/12/2017 13:06

Go out, you're only ten minutes away, you need the break.

hmcAsWas · 15/12/2017 13:08

Don't be martyr - you ds will survive left in the care of his father. YABU - go out!

LoisLanyard · 15/12/2017 13:12

Either you want to go out and see your friends (and maintain the friendship), or you don't. You've not said that your DH is incapable of looking after your child, so it sounds like it is either anxiety or you don't value your friendships. Having a night out does not make you a bad parent, and I'd argue is good for mental health so everyone benefits in the long term. You will be 10 minutes down the road. There are loads of lovely soft drinks now, so you don't need to drink if you are worried that you would be called back in an emergency. I can't see any reason why you wouldn't go out based on what you've written.

stickytoffeevodka · 15/12/2017 13:12

If your DH can't cope looking after his own children for one evening, I'd be worried about what kind of man I'd married, tbh.

Go. He's an adult and more than capable.

gunsandbanjos · 15/12/2017 13:15

If there’s a fully capable adult at home then go and enjoy yourself!
I understand what it’s like to have a child that goes downhill quickly, the doctors at A&E are pretty much on first name terms with us.
However it’s also important to get away and do something that’s just for you.

BitOutOfPractice · 15/12/2017 13:16

Yes. You do need to rethink your ideas.

Go.

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