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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

TO not pick DH up from night out?

64 replies

Sanshin · 15/12/2017 07:42

DH is going on his Christmas works night out tonight. I have offered to give him a lift there at 6.30, half hour drive, no probs, he'd do the same for me.
Trouble is I offered to pick him up afterwards too which he accepted but now I'm regretting offering. Late on the roads will be icy for a start and plus, I don't want to be dragging my warm arse back out into the cold at 11pm-12am. I want to get cosy with a film and a glass of wine.

AIBU to go back on my offer? Good public transport where we live so he'll have no trouble getting home.

OP posts:
NapQueen · 15/12/2017 07:44

Maybe suggest 'right, dh I will be there at 11 for you so I can be home before midnight. Or do you just want to see yourself home that way you can stay on if its a good night? Let me know before we go tonight'

Auspiciouspanda · 15/12/2017 07:46

I think it's a bit selfish on your part to pull out same day for a glass of wine.

Kentnurse2015 · 15/12/2017 07:47

Just speak to him and see what he says! I think YABU but maybe he won't care.

Shoxfordian · 15/12/2017 07:48

I don't think you should go back on what you offered because its mean to offer something then change your mind. I'd be upset if my boyfriend offered to pick me up late and then decided actually he couldn't be bothered. Stick to what you said you'd do

Beakyplinders · 15/12/2017 07:48

I wouldn't go back on my offer, it's one night and, as you said, he'd do the same for you.

Skittlesss · 15/12/2017 07:49

Yabu as you've already offered and you want to have a glass of wine instead.
Ywnbu if your excuse was because you want to go to bed.

SpartonDregs · 15/12/2017 07:50

It is not selfish, he is an adult and public transport should sort him out, that is why it is there.

TeachesOfPeaches · 15/12/2017 07:57

Pay for a taxi for him since you're reneging on the offer.

hula008 · 15/12/2017 08:01

public transport should sort him out sorry but if my partner said they could give me a lift home from a night out, and on the day they said “nah actually you can get the bus” I think I’d be pretty annoyed. I don’t really want to be travelling on public transport alone at night.

TheNaze73 · 15/12/2017 08:04

I think YABU.

Why over promise & then threaten to under deliver?

LakieLady · 15/12/2017 08:06

I wouldn't go back on it, I think it's a bit mean, tbh.

But then DP thinks nothing of doing a 40-50 mile round trip twice in an evening to drop me off and pick me up when I go out with my mate. He's a diamond when it comes to things like that.

He's got his do tonight, and I've said I'll pick him up. I won't begrudge it even though it means driving into a very busy town centre that will be heaving with drunks.

Oblomov17 · 15/12/2017 08:07

Why did you offer? Don't back out on a promise. It's only one night.

Justoneme · 15/12/2017 08:07

You are being selfish!

CocaColaTruck · 15/12/2017 08:10

YABU, OP. Do something nice for him.

maddiemookins16mum · 15/12/2017 08:11

YABU, However I sympathise as I have made the epic mistake of offering to pick up DH tomorrow night (and 2 of his colleagues). The venue is an hour away and it means I'll miss the SCD result!!!
They're going out from 3pm (after shift) and I'm picking up in one of the busiest town centres in Kent at 10pm on a Saturday night.

pasturesgreen · 15/12/2017 08:12

YABU, sorry. He didn't ask, you offered. Pretty lame to go back on your word like that.

Humpsfor20yards · 15/12/2017 08:14

I wouldn't have offered and I would certainly back out now.

30 yrs of going out-out, I've never got partners to bring me home and they've never asked me to either.

alittlequinnie · 15/12/2017 08:21

If you said you will pick him up you should pick him up. I went on a posh work do recently and my husband dropped me there and picked me up - he doesn't normally do the pick up as he likes a drink but it really made me happy and the evening was a lot easier with him picking me up.

ihatethecold · 15/12/2017 08:24

That’s mean op.

PyongyangKipperbang · 15/12/2017 08:27

You should pick him up. I wouldnt want to either, which is why I wouldnt have offered in the first place (loving wife alert!), but as you did you should see it through.

Original poster
Sanshin · 15/12/2017 08:29

Ok I'll do it lol, I just know what he's like when he's drunk and really can't be arsed with it but I did offer.

OP posts:
CaledonianQueen · 15/12/2017 08:29

Perhaps if it were any other time of year, ywnbu, however, this close to Christmas your dh will be lucky to get a taxi home! As work Christmas parties descend on the town nightlife, taxis struggle to cope with the extra burden.I remember phoning my Dad one year because we had been waiting for four hours in the taxi queue and there was no sign of one arriving.

I can't imagine your dh will thank you for going back on your offer if he does end up stuck waiting for a taxi for hours! If your dh is the type to go out of his way to pick you up after a night out, then yabu. Substitute your wine for a hot chocolate, then go pick him up when he calls. If he will appreciate it and return the favour, then it's worth going out in the cold. Imagine next time you are out, you just want home, your feet hurt and you message your dh asking if he can pick you up. He informs you that he has had a glass of wine and doesn't want to come out in the cold. This could be the scenario for your next night out if you go back on your offer.

Saying that if the roads are really dangerous and you are not confident driving then tell your dh your concerns. He will likely tell you not to bother and get a taxi/ bus home. YWNBU to say you don't feel confident/ safe to drive to pick him up in those conditions.

toomanycreambuns · 15/12/2017 08:35

If the shoe were on the other foot, how would you feel if he retracted his offer? Not very happy I should think (and you'd probably be posting on here about it).

DH and I have done similar. I'd rather he got home safely without spending £30 on a cab.

Emerald92 · 15/12/2017 08:38

YABVVVU!!!

Canyou imagine the outrage there would be if this was the otherway around?

Op: 'I've come out for my Xmas do and my DH offered to pick me up. He's now text to say he cba, fancies a beer and that I should get a bus home'

There would outrage and calls to LTB. But no, this is MN where men are always in the wrong. Double standards!

londonrach · 15/12/2017 08:41

Yabu as you offered. Its one day of the year. What id do isphoning saying happy to collect if back by 11.30 but not 2am. Laughs at the public transport idea. In my parents village the last bus back is 5pm. I know of another village that has one bus just on a wednesday...if you took this bus you have 30 minutes in the local town before the last bus back till the following wednesday