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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

TO not pick DH up from night out?

64 replies

Sanshin · 15/12/2017 07:42

DH is going on his Christmas works night out tonight. I have offered to give him a lift there at 6.30, half hour drive, no probs, he'd do the same for me.
Trouble is I offered to pick him up afterwards too which he accepted but now I'm regretting offering. Late on the roads will be icy for a start and plus, I don't want to be dragging my warm arse back out into the cold at 11pm-12am. I want to get cosy with a film and a glass of wine.

AIBU to go back on my offer? Good public transport where we live so he'll have no trouble getting home.

OP posts:
Humpsfor20yards · 15/12/2017 08:49

Is this adult DH we're talking about our teen DS?

No, I wouldn't be howling with outrage if it were the other way round. I'd be like, yeah, its freezing out, you have a rest, I'll take the car, or I'll get a cab, or I'll see if XX is driving.

Humpsfor20yards · 15/12/2017 08:53

Good public transport where we live so he'll have no trouble getting home.

So, no problem then. Grin

Emerald92 · 15/12/2017 09:09

I'd be like, yeah, its freezing out, you have a rest, I'll take the car, or I'll get a cab, or I'll see if XX is driving.

OP changed her mind after she dropped her DH off so he doesn't have the choice of using the car. I doubt very much if your DH said 'Cant pick you up sorry, I want a wine or two', you'd shrug it off and be ok.

Humpsfor20yards · 15/12/2017 09:11

OP changed her mind after she dropped her DH off so he doesn't have the choice of using the car. I doubt very much if your DH said 'Cant pick you up sorry, I want a wine or two', you'd shrug it off and be ok.

No, it's tonight. She's driving him there.

I doubt very much if your DH said 'Cant pick you up sorry, I want a wine or two', you'd shrug it off and be ok.

Are you saying I'm lying?

user7680 · 15/12/2017 09:13

What are Taxis for??cancel the offer

sonjadog · 15/12/2017 09:31

It will be really hard to get a taxi on the Friday before Christmas at that time of night. I think YABU. Do a nice thing for him and go pick him up. Don't people put themselves a bit out of their way to do nice things for the people they love any more?

Emerald92 · 15/12/2017 09:34

I apologise my mistake! I thought DH was already out and this was posted last night!

No I dont think OP is BU then as DH has plenty of notice to sort something else out now! I personally wouldn't change my mind but say, if you want a lift ill be there at 11:30

chiaseeddisapointmentagain · 15/12/2017 10:06

Selfish

Humpsfor20yards · 15/12/2017 10:30

Don't people put themselves a bit out of their way to do nice things for the people they love any more?

Grin

I would have thought the nice thing is to say to your partner on a cold, icy December night, "honey, you've been working/busy all day, I don't need you to come out at midnight to facilitate my social life, you relax at home, I'll sort myself out."

Good public transport where we live so he'll have no trouble getting home.

I don't understand how its "selfish" to not fancy doing two hour long round trips in the night for a grown man's Christmas party.

Blackteadrinker77 · 15/12/2017 11:01

I find it selfish as well.

You offered, he accepted and now you want to put your want in front of his.

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 15/12/2017 11:05

YABVU. My partner would do this for me and I would do it for him (and we both have done). I would be extremely pissed off if he said, "nah I want a beer and it's too cold to pick you up", after having offered.

Peachypossum · 15/12/2017 11:06

I don't think yabu, good public transport, he's an adult. I would ask if he minded rather than telling him you won't as you had already offered. I would much prefer my husband in a warm house with a glass of wine rather than taking the car out on ice covered roads in. the middle of the night.

curryforbreakfast · 15/12/2017 11:08

I know its a radical notion but I would actually just talk to my husband. "How much do you want me to get you, I will if you'd still prefer it as a I did offer, but I would honestly rather not and have a glass of wine".

I know for a fact my husband would say "sure, I'll get a taxi, I'd rather you were comfortable at home"

Isn't that what most couples would do?

maddiemookins16mum · 15/12/2017 11:12

This is one of those threads where if it was a woman needing picked up and the husband wanting to stay home and have a beer he'd have his arse handed to him on a plate.

Humpsfor20yards · 15/12/2017 11:13

No apparently most people here think if you don't want to do 2 x 1 hour round trips on the dark icy roads in December for your adult husband to have a drink then you are a very selfish person who probably doesn't love him.

curryforbreakfast · 15/12/2017 11:13

This is one of those threads where if it was a woman needing picked up and the husband wanting to stay home and have a beer he'd have his arse handed to him on a plate

I'd say the exact same to her.

Titsywoo · 15/12/2017 11:14

Surely just say "I don't suppose you fancy getting a cab back instead do you? I know I offered but I fancy a glass of wine today". If I said that to DH he just say yeah of course I'll get a cab. Just ask! If he says actually it'll be a pain getting home could you please collect me then fine.

Trinity66 · 15/12/2017 11:16

haha I'm in a similar situation tonight, DH has his work Christmas night and I'll be driving him and collecting him, I also would love to crack open a bottle of wine in front of the fire but I'm going to be going out with the girls soon and he'll be my taxi so I'll keep the wine till tomorrow night instead :p But yeah if you offered you probably should do it

catbasilio · 15/12/2017 11:17

I wouldn't back out on the offer, unless it was really dangerous to drive. I would be happy to pick my partner and would expect the same from him.

JacquesHammer · 15/12/2017 11:30

No apparently most people here think if you don't want to do 2 x 1 hour round trips on the dark icy roads in December for your adult husband to have a drink then you are a very selfish person who probably doesn't love him

Nah, I just think you'd be a bit of a twat to offer and then rescind the offer. THAT's the selfish bit no matter what scenario it relates to.

Peachypossum · 15/12/2017 11:33

Sorry, YANBU.

Humpsfor20yards · 15/12/2017 11:33

I rescind offers all the time Grin

curryforbreakfast · 15/12/2017 11:34

Nah, I just think you'd be a bit of a twat to offer and then rescind the offer. THAT's the selfish bit no matter what scenario it relates to

It's not offering and rescinding so much as it is talking about and finalising your plans, if you do it right!
If I was out and I could easily get an alternative, no way would I want DH to sit up, not have wine he wanted, and drive out in the bad weather for me. And vice versa. If there was no public transport, we would both insist on driving for the other.

Frankly if its a case of "you said you would so you're selfish if you don't even though I don't actually need you to" from your partner then you have serious relationship problems and should focus on that instead!

deste · 15/12/2017 11:40

It’s quite simple. Ask yourself, “would he do it for you” and if the answer is yes then you do it. It’s all about give and take.

JacquesHammer · 15/12/2017 11:42

It's not offering and rescinding so much as it is talking about and finalising your plans, if you do it right!

Absolutely. And if I had been the OP, I would have said "I'll drop you off but you make your own way home", slightly late for that now though Grin