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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DSIS is angry I didn’t invite her to my scan. Aibu?

56 replies

Roxanne1990 · 14/12/2017 21:53

I had a midwife appointment this morning. I’m 8 months pregnant and the midwife was very concerned as my bump actually measured smaller than at my last appointment 2 weeks ago. I haven’t seen my husband in 2 months as he’s working abroad and I’ve been taking care of my 2 year old on my own for the past 2 months with no family support (I live hundreds of miles away) whilst often not feeling great with the usual issues that go with pregnancy.

Anyway, my brother and his wife and my sister traveled through the night last night and arrived at my house this morning whilst the midwife was here. They’re staying for a week for a little holiday. SIL is the only driver. My local hospital is 1.5 hours away on two busses each way so I asked SIL if there would be any chance she could take me in to have my scan done. I was also feeling a little worried so was looking forward to having her there to hold my hand. I apologised profusely though as I was sure it would be the last thing she’d want to do after driving 8 hours through the night.

Thankfully all is well with the baby so I’m very relieved. But my sister has been off with me all afternoon. Snappy, not making eye contact etc. The midwife gave me a bit of a scare this morning as she was saying I may have to be induced and my husband isn’t even in the country. I was also worried for if the baby was going to be okay and it’s just made a hard day even harder because of how she’s been treating me. I went upstairs to bed and my mum phoned me saying that my sister was on the phone to her and she’s very upset that I didn’t invite her to my scan. I feel hurt because even if she was hurt, I don’t think it warrants the way she’s treated me all day. I also had a lot on my mind and would have gone on my own if I’d have been able to drive. I assumed a trip to the hospital wiuld have been the last thing they’d have wanted to do after such a long drive, they were all exhausted. My mum has told me not to tell my sister that I know what’s upset her as she told my mum in confidence. AIBU to think she hasn’t been fair to me with this? In all honesty, I didn’t think to stop and consider everyone’s feelings when I was told by the midwife she thought something wasn’t right with my baby.

OP posts:
NancyJoan · 14/12/2017 21:56

If she wanted to come, she could have asked/offered. I hope they are all running round looking after you, not the other way around.

booksandcoffee · 14/12/2017 22:00

Your sister is the one who is being unreasonable, although that could be because she just feels grumpy anyway after the long journey and needed something to be pissy about. Can you do something to make her feel valued?

Original poster
Roxanne1990 · 14/12/2017 22:00

Exactly Nancy

She sat around and waited for an invitation and now she’s using it against me 😢 I don’t think I’m in for a fun week. Sitting upstairs on my own now feeling guilty and angry in equal measure.

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 14/12/2017 22:02

Your sister is being ridiculous and your mum is a stirring moo. Either tell them to pack it in or ignore them for a bit- whatever makes you feel better. You've done nothing wrong.

elliejjtiny · 14/12/2017 22:02

Yanbu. It's a medical appointment not a day out and you were worried. I hope you and your baby are OK.

Original poster
Roxanne1990 · 14/12/2017 22:02

It’s always me picking up the pieces fir her when she’s down/low. I’m 8 months pregnant, I’ve been alone for 2 months, and where is she when I’m having a tough time? She’s making my life harder. This is always the way.

OP posts:
MyBrilliantDisguise · 14/12/2017 22:06

So your sister drove you to the hospital but you went into the scan alone? Didn't she ask whether you wanted her to come in with you? Nothing for her to sulk about, though.

Why are they coming to you for a holiday when you're in such a bad way?

Silverthorn · 14/12/2017 22:07

Just call her out on it. 'Mum says you're upset. I was very upset about the baby and wasn't really thinking about anyone else. Next time pipe up or pipe down.' Or similar.

AnaWinter · 14/12/2017 22:09

Sil drove not sister.

Original poster
Roxanne1990 · 14/12/2017 22:10

My sister in law drove me to the hospital and came into the scan. My sister doesn’t drive, she stayed at my house with my brother, my daughter and my niece.

OP posts:
AnaWinter · 14/12/2017 22:10

Yes call her out. She may just be tired and grumpy from the 8 hour car journey. Say it to her in the morning.

Original poster
Roxanne1990 · 14/12/2017 22:11

My mum will be livid with me if I say. Then that’ll be more drama. She is also difficult at the best of times.

OP posts:
SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 14/12/2017 22:13

She's being unreasonable. It was a medical appointment to check out a medical concern. It's not a jolly or social event.

FlashTheSloth · 14/12/2017 22:14

YANBU. I'd tell her you know. She is a dick. She could have said "would you like me to come for some support?" Instead she is making it all about her. I'd be fuming with her tbh.

Hope your baby is ok.

TalkinBoutWhat · 14/12/2017 22:18

You can confront her about her bad mood though. Just way 'What is bothering you so much? Whatever it is, please sort it. I've had a horrible few months, I was worried senseless this morning about my baby, and I really can't deal with you being in a bad mood with me for goodness knows what.'

ijustwannadance · 14/12/2017 22:19

Is she just pissed that SIL went in with you and not her?
She's being a dick. If she carries on being shitty then send her home.

GrouchyKiwi · 14/12/2017 22:20

Your sister is definitely being very unreasonable. You had a medical appointment; you weren't entertainment.

Hope everything is well with you and your baby. Flowers

MeadowHay · 14/12/2017 22:21

YANBU and your DS is being absolutely ridiculous and soo rude! I hope they're helping look after you and your toddler now they are there and you are so heavily pregnant. Tbh I don't really get why they would come to yours 'for a holiday' when you are 8 months pregnant with a toddler and no husband present...are they coming to help take care of you? Because if so, that's lovely and could be super useful. Or have they really came on their jollies and are not helping you?

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 14/12/2017 22:22

Roxanne, you are the one pregnant and worried about your baby. So fuck your mum and your stroppy sister. She can always piss off home if she's going to be a bitch.

Original poster
Roxanne1990 · 14/12/2017 22:26

My SIL is also pregnant (5 months) she is amazing, helpful, caring even though she’s pregnant herself. My brother is a great help too and I think they’re here to help under the guise of it being a little holiday. My sister obviously has other ideas. I’ve always been a very positive person but her actions over the last few months have dragged me down so much, especially now. It’s not good for my mental wellbeing and I really can’t take much more 😢

OP posts:
Originalfoogirl · 14/12/2017 22:30

My sister and I are very close, I would be hurt if she did this. I’d be very upset if she asked someone else to be there to “hold her hand” when it’s exactly the kind of thing I’m supposed to do for her. I expect she would feel the same if I did that to her. Unless you are particularly close with SIL, it would look like a slap in the face to her. There was no reason not to invite her along to support you.

MeadowHay · 14/12/2017 22:32

Rox I'd probs ignore her for a bit really but if it continues and she's stressing you out, then you're probably best off asking her to leave. Your health and wellbeing is too important right now. But I know I'm not sure if I'd be brave enough to ask my sister to live if it was me in your situation. Family conflict is so tough, I really feel for you Sad. Is your sister much younger than you all by any chance? It seems very immature how she's acting and as if she doesn't understand the implications of you being so heavily pregnant as well - does she have any children?

MeadowHay · 14/12/2017 22:34

Original Since when is someone going through a difficult time supposed to 'invite' someone to 'support them'? Support is supposed to be offered to people in difficult times, it's not something you 'invite' people to do. Her sister by the sounds of it made no such offer of support, so why would she ask her to go with her? Rox isn't a circus animal to have herself gawped at in the scan. She only asked her SIL because SIL can drive and it would save her lots of trouble given how heavily pregnant she is, it's not like she asked SIL to attend scan for no reason other than wanting her company and then just didn't ask DS.

OlennasWimple · 14/12/2017 22:34

Your sister is jealous of your SIL, but that's her problem to sort out not yours

Glad to hear everything is OK with your bump

Original poster
Roxanne1990 · 14/12/2017 22:35

She’s 5 years older and doesn’t have any children yet.

OP posts:
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