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Original poster

For crying out loud, I'm not snobby! Or am I?!

564 replies

NoBreakNoProblem · 14/12/2017 10:13

I moved to this area a year or so ago to be closer to work. It's a predominantly a working-class neighbourhood (nothing against the working class, BTW, my parents were ones - it's just a description). Except I tried so many times to be friends with the neighbours and other parents at my child's school. Everything goes perfectly fine and pleasant until they learn about what I did for living.

It usually goes like that: what do you do? Ah, well...I'm an academic researcher/university lecturer. Then, almost every time, a deafening silence follows! Almost always, they try to avoid speaking with me afterwards. Some even stopped saying 'hi' - including the parents of my child's best friends (they came to my house a couple of times before).

For the love of God, I'm not the 'elitist' snob they think I am. Take for example this, the other day the plumber came to fix something in our house. We were chatting and having a laugh for nearly an hour. As soon as he learned what I did, his attitude changed completely and started to stonewall me by being 'too formal'. It's either they don't understand what I do, hence the silence, or think I'm that educated snob similar to those posh snobs who have driven the country's working-class into the gutter. Then again, why the stonewalling and the avoidance? I don't really speak philosophy or political science to them.

I never ever experienced this before - until I moved into this area.

Please tell me what's going on?!

[Message edited by MNHQ]

OP posts:
Original poster
NoBreakNoProblem · 14/12/2017 12:49

@BrizzleDrizzle

If the opportunity presents itself, then, yes, why not?

OP posts:
corrianderisthedevil · 14/12/2017 12:49

I myself and my next door neighbour have exactly the same job. However, during normal conversations, she makes it sound like the most high-powered, important job in the history of man (it's not). It's the way she explains it. Maybe you're doing something similar? Agree with others - simplify it massively. If people still respond in a similar way, then perhaps it's something else about you causing the reaction you are getting.

Also - my son started school in September and I have made friends with a new group of mums......it's now December and I don't think we have even asked each other what we do for jobs yet. Perhaps put less emphasis on asking questions about occupations. As I've got older, I've realised that there are far more important topics to discuss.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 14/12/2017 12:51

People are actually the OP to simplify or downplay her career to make herself look more likable to strangers?

Well yes, it seems, but the OP is a researcher/does some lecturing! This is mad!

My family is thick with professors, lawyers and doctors, even a flipping judge and I've yet to see any of them struggle to speak with a plumber or experience this stunned/awed reaction that follows the OP everywhere!

Some of the OP's own comments are drawing fire, and it's hardly surprising, frankly and possibly explains the entire issue!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 14/12/2017 12:51

Can I just mention that, without the working class, little in this country would ever have been developed and little would work in the present day. People are various and generally I prefer not to stereotype, but if pushed to it I'd admit that some of the most decent, honest and principled individuals I've ever known are rightly proud to belong to this group

I've also sometimes met the kind of reaction OP wrote about - but it's certainly not come from the working class

wewentoutonsunday · 14/12/2017 12:53

I tell people I am a snipe university lecturer (I am) and can honestly say that I have NEVER noticed anyone treat me differently because of it.

TabbyMumz · 14/12/2017 12:54

The very fact that the op referred to working class made me think she thought she was above it. Does this term really still exist? I work in a professional role, if class exists, where does that make me fit?

MelaniaMacron · 14/12/2017 12:55

If you were really from the upper middle classes, though, you would know that being a lecturer/researcher is a bit, errrrm, low-ranking for someone of your age and intelligence and promise. I'm not being snarky here, honestly: everyone I went to school with who is now in academia has already reached a much more senior grade.

LemonShark · 14/12/2017 12:56

Genuinely though, Op, I wouldn't say 'I'm an academic' to people who aren't in that field. My w/c ears would just hear 'I'm clever'.

My w/c ears would hear 'I'm an academic'... seriously though why should OP try to dumb down what she does in case she appears clever? What's wrong with appearing clever? Sorry if I've misunderstood you and you didn't intend to imply clever is a bad thing

Sensimilla · 14/12/2017 12:57

Yy, people often make the mistake of thinking inverse-snobbery os born out of some kind of combinstion of awe/jealousy etc. Where it is prrsent, that is NOT the catalyst

Sounds here though like OP has illusions of grandeur and she is not accustomed to people not playing along with that

Original poster
NoBreakNoProblem · 14/12/2017 12:57

@TabbyMumz

I wasn't conscious of rigid social categorisations until I tried to be friends with some folks in my neighbourhood. People are people...nevertheless.

OP posts:
Original poster
NoBreakNoProblem · 14/12/2017 12:59

@Sensimilla

Illusions of grandeur vis-a-vis compensatory derogation?

OP posts:
HermioneAndTheSniffle · 14/12/2017 12:59

What if you're from overseas? Where would you fit into the class structure or would you just always be on the outside?

As someone from overseas and living in a small town with small town mentality, I can confirm you NEVER fit in.
You dint fit the class system and you dint fit in the town itself :(

I’ve asked my (British) MIL where she would put me and she helpfully said I was ‘international’. What is, IMO, even more surprising is that she classified the dcs also as ‘international’ despite their British father and having always lived in the U.K.....

Bubblebubblepop · 14/12/2017 13:01

My working class ears would hear academic and think... academic. Employed in academia. No big deal.

Most occupations today leave you silent, tbh. Many (working class) people have job titles like "senior IT architect" " insurance risk analyst" "marketeer" it isn't really clear what they do so people are just vague and as a consequence. My (working class) husband is an actuary- people go silent at that too. What are you supposed to say?

Viviennemary · 14/12/2017 13:04

It does sound a bit pompous. Just find a plumber who is also an academic. Problem solved.

Silvercatowner · 14/12/2017 13:04

I'm actually taking notes right now . Some for my personal use, and others - perhaps - I can build a research topic on. Thank you!!

Good luck getting that through your ethics committee!!

Academic and researcher here. When asked, I say "I work at the University". Never had a deafening silence.

luckylavender · 14/12/2017 13:06

Or just say 'I work at the University'. Your reply sounds a bit alienating.

Bubblebubblepop · 14/12/2017 13:07

Tbf though OP you asked where you're going wrong and probably have a fairly good idea now?

Insearchofsomeadviceplease · 14/12/2017 13:08

Senza it's hard to just 'move on' when class is woven into the fabric of our lives. Two babies born today, one upper middle and one working class, will have very different educations as children, very different opportunities after school - the upper middle class child will choose to her work experience at a national newspaper/television studio/parliament etc. because their parents have friends there. The working class child won't have the money to do unpaid work. The UM child grows up in a world of mixing with doctors and lawyers and politicians and assumes it's a given that she can achieve the same. The WC child assumes those jobs aren't for the likes of her.

Class controls our government, our media, our legal system. It's used to suppress swathes of the population. People are obsessed with it because the working class are continuously vilified, mocked and often kept in poverty by the UM and U classes.

I think this cartoon does well to demonstrate why the issue of class raises so many hackles. It does us no good to simply pretend it doesn't exist and 'move on'.

For crying out loud, I'm not snobby! Or am I?!
For crying out loud, I'm not snobby! Or am I?!
For crying out loud, I'm not snobby! Or am I?!
midnightmisssuki · 14/12/2017 13:08

An academic researcher/lecturer is considered a posh job? Sorry OP - maybe I'm totally missing the point - that wouldn't phase me or all/most of the people i know - isn't it just a teaching position with some extra researching thrown in? Maybe just say you're a teacher in the future if you always get the same sort of response.. hth.

wherethevioletsgrow · 14/12/2017 13:14

If you were really from the upper middle classes, though, you would know that being a lecturer/researcher is a bit, errrrm, low-ranking for someone of your age and intelligence and promise. I'm not being snarky here, honestly: everyone I went to school with who is now in academia has already reached a much more senior grade

Whaaaat? Again, why do you have to do down the whole profession just because you don't like the OP's attitude? Why is being a lecturer 'low ranking'? You don't know anything about the OP's career path. I worked in a prestigious profession for 8 years before starting my PhD. I am now a lecturer. I do not consider myself to be in a low-ranking job. There are lots of people aged 40-50+ who are lecturers, many of whom have had previous careers. Yes, some rise to professor at a relatively young age, but that is not the norm. Fair enough, disagree with the OP, but don't slate everyone else who works in this very competitive and often difficult profession.

Ethylred · 14/12/2017 13:14

I'm the poshest poster on this forum by miles* and I've never encountered this.

*Well prove I'm not then. Go on if you're so hard, prove it.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 14/12/2017 13:14

Maybe just say you're a teacher in the future if you always get the same sort of response

Actually, quite a few people on this thread have said this, but from my experience I really wouldn't do that - I did once do that when I was like 'how do I explain being research-only in a way that isn't boring and doesn't last 10 minutes' and was like, 'ah, fuck it, I'll just say I'm a teacher, that's easier'. They will almost inevitably ask which local school you work at, at which point you either admit you lied or you get caught in a web of lies...

NataliaOsipova · 14/12/2017 13:17

I'm the poshest poster on this forum by miles and I've never encountered this.

Well prove I'm not then. Go on if you're so hard, prove it.

Posh people never use the word "posh". They say everything is "smart", or "rather smart". Grin

YetAnotherSpartacus · 14/12/2017 13:18

I wonder if men downplay their occupations in order to be accepted / not raise eyebrows.

NotDavidTennant · 14/12/2017 13:22

It's a sad indictment of Britain in 2017 if people are expected to "dumb down" in order to fit in.