To feel like resigning to avoid a horrible team building event

[evilharpy]

It's been announced that my team (of about 15, all of whom I like but most of whom I don't know very well at all) is being sent to a team building event at the end of February. It's three days. Residential. Outdoor physical stuff. In February. It will be wet and freezing. We will have to share rooms. I hate the outdoors, especially when it's wet and freezing. I hate physical stuff unless it's a nice gym-based class. I will have to buy suitable outdoor clothes. And most of all I hate hate hate sharing rooms even with very close friends and will be desperately uncomfortable and miserable the entire time. The only way it could possibly be worse is if it involved camping.

I won't actually resign obviously (for one thing my notice period is longer than the end of Feb) but I will probably worry about it every single day until it's over.

Has anyone been on anything similar and can either confirm that it will be miserable or convince me that it might actually be fun?

Nope, I wouldn’t go.

How do your team mates feel about it? We were told once by a new and enthusiastic manager we were going climbing a big hill somewhere tied together for a team building exercise. We laughed at him and quickly convinced him a trip to the local pub and taxis home was more effective.

I'm a sleepwalker / sleep talker / sleep screamer. It's made much worse by tiredness, alcohol and sleeping somewhere unfamiliar. I've always declined sharing a room because (while I'll probably be fine and remember nothing), my room mate will be treated to me wandering around the room hunting monsters and trying to save them from the people standing in the corner of the room.

I am very happy to lend you my issues for the three days you'd be away.

I would definitely not go but I am quite old and wouldn’t care telling them that anyway

Many years ago when working for the civil service, we'd get sent on "training/ self improvement courses".
If I recall there was an assertiveness course that involved an overnight stay. The 3 people who were sent didn't want to go, didn't want to stay overnight, didn't want to participate in the "assertive training role play" stuff. However, cos they weren't very assertive ( hence the course!) no one said anything and they went on it, grumbling like hell about it.
I asked if I could go, funnily enough they said no as I was assertive enough (bloody outspoken, more like!) and I laughed and laughed and laughed. And the course was a nightmare and when they told me I laughed and laughed again.

I am actually quite shocked at how unanimous everybody is about how awful it would be!

Many, many, years ago, I was told I had to go on one of these team building exercises in the Lake District in November. Everyone across the department would go at some point in groups of 20, but as it was a very large organisation it meant that most people you'd be sent with would be complete strangers. (And yes, I did have to share a room with a complete stranger.) I absolutely DREADED it and made no secret about the fact that I didn't want to go.

Anyway, because I loved my job and I didn't want to screw it up, I went. I bitched and moaned all the way up on the train, and my heart sank when the first activity was true to the cliche. Oh yes, we did indeed have to build a raft out of oil drums and rope...

After a miserable couple of hours (in the rain too), I just ran out of any energy to try and resist and just accepted my fate. Slowly but surely I let myself get stuck in, so by day 2 I was having the time of my life. I absolutely bloody loved it, made some great friends and learnt so much about myself.

I'd love to be sent on another one now. But reading this thread it seems like they might be a bit out of vogue and there's no chance of that ever happening

I cannot see the point of this sort of nonsense. Dh has to do them from time to time. They’re ludicrous and are a source of derision and rolled eyes at all the bigging up team hoopla that no-one believes in.

One year he had to travel to some far flung freezing place in the depths of winter where they all painted a mountain rescue hut in December. Off he went looking glum with his crusty old decorating clothes in a bag Even more irritating, as there are loads of jobs involving decorating to be done at home

So in that respect I suppose it does bring people together because they all detest enforced team mateyness in absurd situations. Especially when the rest of the year no one gives a stuff how you’re coping with extreme stress, so it all seems so insincere.

Absolute Hell, no way would I go. Get out of it at all costs. So old fashioned, and I bet you’re not the only one who hates the idea.

Come and work with me @GuinevereOfTheRoyalCourt we LOVE this kind of thing, everyone throws themselves into it whole heartedly and has a fab time, we've had some right laughs!!

(And I really don't understand what is so gosh darn it horrific about sharing a room )

Hell on earth. Isn’t going to work and being paid to do a job enough?

Just do a nice team buffet and have an hour having a chat.

Christ almighty. Would rather break my leg than be forced into this shit.

Is it a big company you work for as these are who usually do these things, DH went on one and hated it, he had to share a room , I think that is all part of it though. Small companies don’t usually do such things as the cost is quite high with all staff away from the workplace

Our team works really well together and there's only seven of us. We can just about manage to get out for lunch together for Christmas.

I didn't even do this sort of thing as team building when I was a reservist. We did that by drinking and having excellent parties.

Don't make any more of a big deal if it. "Come round" to the idea (not ott). Call in sick for 2 days.

How awful! Surely they can't require you to do this...? What do your colleagues think? Mind you, you may not know...that enthusiastic one is probably planning to have norovirus

Do you get paid sick leave? Maybe you’ll break a limb doing the abseiling or wherever and get a few weeks off work!

Can you say you have a family wedding to attend that weekend? do whatever it takes and renew your own vows if necessary The danger of just saying you have tickets/an event, is of course, these weekend dates are liable to change and you can't pull the same excuse card out of your hat again. Stick to 'I cannot get childcare/family commitments taken care of' if you have to have an excuse. As I got older, I found it much better to just say no but thanks than to make excuses. It is quite liberating to feel in control of these things. Though my 'career' didn't thank me for this attitude though my mental state did!

This would be my idea of hell. I've room shared with work colleagues previously while at a so called conference (piss up). It was awkward but less awkward than spending an entire day and night with other work colleagues from different locations when I am rubbish at big social events to begin with.

I’ve been in week-long versions of these things, raft building and all. They were not too bad as events go but did nothing to help build the teams. In fact, I went in the days when there were pretty much only men of the courses and some of them couldn’t hack having a woman around who was supposed to be their equal.

I’ve never been asked to room share and I’d be horrified. My self esteem is crap as it is and it would make very uncomfortable.

Are there other people in the team who might feel the same way as you? Might there be a way of getting together and asking your manager at the very least, to reconsider the room thing?

SNORT at civil servants bring too scared of being assertive to decline an assertive skills course

Do you know who chose the team building exercise? Was it somebody who loves this sort of thing and is essentially using it as a way of getting a free holiday doing what they like?

Has anyone in the company done this sort of thing before - any results or anyone you could talk to who would say that it didn't work and was dreadful that you could use to try to get something different arranged?

Has a risk assessment been done? Given the bad weather we've had this week, what would it be like if you were expected to do it in those conditions - would it be possible? dangerous? Anything you could do to postpone it at least until it's warmer - and it would give you an opportunity to be able to say 'sorry, already have plans for that weekend that can't be changed'.

Definitely sounds like you need to sound out the rest of the team to see if anyone else thinks it sounds like their worst nightmare. Maybe drop a few comments about thank god that we were not there this week - and just think, the papers think that it's going to be even worse weather in February (this could be the time to keep an eye out on the Express front pages because they are bound to have this as a headline soon on a quiet news day - buy it to thrust under the nose of whoever's in charge saying that it looks like they're going to have to cancel or postpone).

Reasons why I would share a room.

1. I am sharing a room with my newborn baby

or 2. I am going to bed with my husband

or 3. I am 7 years old and am sharing a room with my sibling.

Anyone suggesting I should for any other reason would be told to piss off.

If I could get someone to have my teenagers for a long weekend in Feb I'd be off to a Six Nations rugby match/night out in Edinburgh, Cardiff or Dublin. I wouldn't call in a childcare favour for this nonsense though.

I love these things, so really not helpful.

Can you offer to pay the extra to have a single room?

Is it at the weekend or in work time? If in work time, then I would wait until a couple of days before then go down with a nasty bug, or have a child with a nasty bug...D&V is best as noone wants to catch that. If its at the weekend I would just say that I was sorry but not able to attend due to a prior commitment that cannot be changed. Again I would leave it until nearer the time to say so in case they try to move it...
There is no way on earth that I would share a room. The only people that I share with are my husband and daughter - noone else!!

The company I used to work for did this sort of thing in its heyday before it started having to tighten the purse strings. I was lucky enough never to have to do an overnighter - often the day team building ones were bad enough! Thankfully, all that stopped a few years ago.

If you've not expressed your disgust to anyone yet (except on here), I would plan to go and make plans with everyone else and then go off sick just beforehand. Not the day before, that's too obvious, but maybe 2 or even 3 days before.

You have my wholehearted sympathy.

OP I've refused to go on these (with fewer activities) with a previous employer and those didn't even involve an overnight stay, but were ludicrously long days.

I wasn't the only person who refused and there were a few people who rang in sick for all of them.

I said I'd be in the office because someone had to, I said it wasn't reasonable to ask for so much outside time for something that actually wasn't work (when they knew full well they could rely on me to do extra time on actual work when necessary).

My career did not suffer. It also came up when I'd not been there long, but it was fine.

Companies increasingly seem to ask people to share rooms to save their own money, but I think that's a hugely unreasonable- and actually quite stupid- thing to ask people.

Is it one of these companies that pays so well they expect everyone to just suck it up? Just curious- even then I'd say if you didn't agree to this sort of thing before taking the job, say no.

You can just say no