Husband letting me down on my night out

[rainfall85]

My husband has had a few nights out over Christmas and has a few more planned before. I was having a little moan and he told me there's nothing stopping you from going out which is true but I find it difficult the fact he doesn't get home from work till late in the evenings and then he plays football twice a week too. If I do go out I've to still be up with the kids for school/activities.
So anyways I decided I'm going out tonight with my friends, nothing major just dinner and a few drinks. I told him about it last week and he said he'd be home at 7.
This morning when he left for work he goes to me don't forget il be late home this evening I've to interview someone. I told him I was going out and he goes no you didn't you told me you might be going out. I'm sitting here really annoyed now as the more I think about it the more sure I am he definitely knew I was going out for example I said to him yesterday x wasn't drinking so she was going to drive. AIBU to be annoyed or should I just say nothing cos it's work related.

If he accepts that he knew you might be going out, it was still unreasonable for him to go ahead and make plans which meant he would be late back without checking with you.

As Kerala said, this needs nipping in the bud before you give up on having a life.

It might be a few months till you feel ready to leave DS with anyone but when ready and don't leave it too long, register with Sitters, we used them too, the sitters themselves all had relevant childcare experience e.g. child-minders, nursery staff.

As soon you feel ready and don't leave it too long, take up a regular hobby, so there is one night a week that you go to your dance class, your yoga, your bell ringing, your stitch 'n' bitch, your curry night with friends, it doesn't matter what but it reinforces for you and your DH that you are a real person with a life outside the home and he is perfectly capable of running the bedtime routine.

You may find yourself saying "Thursday is choir at 7pm, Thursday has been choir at 7pm for the last two years" but you will be walking out the house child free and getting some headspace back.

I can't tell you the relief and delight at sitting chatting to a new found friend and thinking "I don't have to rush home! DH is there and he's taking care of everything, I can just be me for a bit longer".

Google calendar invites. The only way. Good luck op

Oh god my heart would sink to my boots if a friend suggested bringing an 8 month old baby to a Christmas night out.

Plus she says she also has school-aged children - the baby is one thing but surely she can't show up with them, too?

Good point Margaret I'd missed that.

You know him best OP.
I definitely think he's done this on purpose, and I'd guess it's for one of the following reasons:
1 - he doesn't want you going out
2 - he's scared he can't handle dc without you
3 - he doesn't listen at all when you talk
4 - he's a bastard and this is his way of making sure you suffer.

As a practical solution, get a joint calendar (on phones ideally). The second you make plans, put them in. Make sure they are set up to give an alert.
In our house - whoever puts it in the calendar first gets to go ahead, if the other person also has plans for the same evenings they need to organise car of dogs (no dc here).

Interview after 7pm? really?

Interview after 7pm? really?

Yeah bit odd isn't it? I like zzzzzzz's idea though, ask your friends to go to yours for a drink first until he gets back...........that should tell you if he's got a problem with you going out or not because if he has another obstacle will probably be made by him

DH has done similar stuff and I've gone apeshit over it. He is more organised now!

He is at it. He knew your plans, and he's deliberately screwing them up. Tell him to reschedule the 'interview', get a babysitter and go, or get them to come to yours instead as suggested, and go out later. In future make sure he absolutely knows when he's expected to be there.

Mine used to pull this stunt in an attempt to restrict what I did. I just worked round it as if it was nothing (baby sitters etc) It stopped.
Recently though he tried a similar stunt. He told me he was going to work on a Saturday morning (no contractual obligation) to oversee a delivery, that he'd arranged. I was already rostered to be working that day and he looks after DS when I work weekends. He informed me that I'd just have to sort (and pay for) childcare then. Once I'd stopped laughing at his ridiculousness I suggested he either sort childcare out himself, or rearrange the delivery for a Saturday when he did not have childcare responsibilities to attend to. So he went to work the following Saturday.
(Yes he is a complete dick sometimes)

Interview after 7pm? really?

Again, since 7 was his earliest time home, I suspect he does a big commute. I used to do a 1hr45 door to door commute and one of the many shit things about it was that if I had to do anything even a bit late at work I'd get home so late that I felt I had no evening at all.

My dh is senior in a traditional profession and they always interview around 6pm or later as people won’t want their current firm to know they’re thinking of leaving or being poached.
But. My dh knows ahead of time when I’m out and would not agree to an interview without checks bf with me first if my commitment was moveable.
Because sometimes my commitment is that I’m away with work myself!!! so he is sole charge of the kids.
Of course he then says no to the interview and picks them up before 6.

If your dh can’t manage home just once ask him to imagine sharing pick ups if you go back to work!!!
Because if you don’t ever get any me time you might be driven to work.....

Whether your DH is being a dick or not, (and I know I have interviewed at 7am or 7pm for candidates to come before or after work) please get your friends round to yours, order in food, make a great night of it and get a date in to go out soon. Don’t miss out.

I'm with the PP suggesting getting friends round to yours. Let's see how he fancies coming home to a houseful of women...

What time are you expecting him home? If it's before 9pm I'd be ready and waiting when he walks in and just go straight out - and stay out as long as you want.
Don't let him scupper your night out.

Is it just the baby ? I’d take them with you and get him to collect from wherever you are.

Failing that be ready by the door as soon as he walks in and go out.

I'd play him at his own game. Get dressed up for the night out then as soon as he gets home kiss him nonchalantly on the cheek and leave.

Even if you have to get there really late still go!

My DH would always announce that sort of thing as he left the house in the morning. I jad a family calendar which I spent years trying to train him to use. My mantra was "if it's not on the calendar then it's not happening". I also called his bluff one day when he realised that i was going out one evening and he also had something on at the same time. I put my foot down and refused to cancel my engagement. It was the one and only time that DH had to work out how to book paid carers for our disabled DD as otherwise he would have been staying home. Not surprisingly he learned to write on and refer to the calendar quite well after that.

He's playing you.

When DC1 was tiny, I used to go out the first Thursday in every month. One night, DH came home from work and mentioned something he needed to do on one of my Thursday nights out. I reminded him I wouldn't be there. He booked a babysitter...

Did he come home op? I hope you're out enjoying yourself

Maybe you should need reminding to do this jobs - dinner, his washing etc.

Is op coming back?!

Hopefully she has a hangover