Husband letting me down on my night out

[rainfall85]

My husband has had a few nights out over Christmas and has a few more planned before. I was having a little moan and he told me there's nothing stopping you from going out which is true but I find it difficult the fact he doesn't get home from work till late in the evenings and then he plays football twice a week too. If I do go out I've to still be up with the kids for school/activities.
So anyways I decided I'm going out tonight with my friends, nothing major just dinner and a few drinks. I told him about it last week and he said he'd be home at 7.
This morning when he left for work he goes to me don't forget il be late home this evening I've to interview someone. I told him I was going out and he goes no you didn't you told me you might be going out. I'm sitting here really annoyed now as the more I think about it the more sure I am he definitely knew I was going out for example I said to him yesterday x wasn't drinking so she was going to drive. AIBU to be annoyed or should I just say nothing cos it's work related.

Exactly Ivor

Can't you just imagine his train of thought "ooh don't want to miss football so won't arrange the interview on Tuesday and the lads might be out after work on Thursday. Right Wednesday it is. Oh my wife has something planned? Never mind baby her domain ..."

Twat.

He is interviewing someone. He's not going out getting drunk or playing football onthis occasion, it is work commitment and you don't always get to pick and chose when those happen.

Really? You reallynthink thatbthe person doing the interview has no control at all as to when it happens?
Because if he has another big meeting at that time, he will have to cancel it because he obviously has no control over it?
Come on... the is the one doing the interview, not the interviewees. He has CHOICE. And I’m sure he is using it when it suits him (for example to be sure he can go and plan football....)

Yes but the point is Margaret it needs to hurt so he won't do it again.

I used to have to nag and nag my DC to leave for school on time. Once my watch stopped and we were late. Really late. DD got put on red and bollocked (mortifying for a "good" girl). Now she is the one ensuring we leave early I have never had to chase her since that day not once and it was 4 years ago. If there are no consequences people are lazy so the status quo will continue.

But what do you think he should say to his boss about this? Because I don't think they'll see this as can't if he tells the truth.

He just has to say that something has come up at home that he simply can't rearrange and was booked first. If his boss is a man they'll probably have a blokey bonding session about the little woman at home.

He's not torching the building he works in and resigning. He's postponing one appointment. In my world that would be perfectly normal and acceptable

Incidentally, at my work we never interview alone - so no, you'd never get complete control over the time as an interviewer, it's more like accepting/declining a meeting - if you can't do the date everyone else can then you need a pretty good reason for it...

Again, I think he's being a twat about this. But I think it's ridiculous to act like work commitments are optional extras on the same level as a night out.

No you're maybe right HermioneAndTheSniffle. I am going to go and think about this some more.

And I agree. This am is too late for him to reorganise his day an dthe interview.
But if I was the Op I would be reading the riot act.
And I would be rearranging the meal (or arranging another meal) and make it clear this HAS to happen.
And I would also start do)g things in the evening and expect him to be back at home so he can look afetr his own dcs.

I have been known to tell H that he would have to do more if we were separated because he would then have the dcs every other weekend. And that it would allow me to do things for myself for a change. It has never gone down well. But it’s the truth. And maybe it’s time for those men to realise it before they end up exactly there....

And Margaret that opinion doesn't make me "out of touch" [puzzled] It's how my working world works

That was supposed to consused, not puzzled. Which is a bit ironic I guess

Since he's let you down, OP, then just rebook at your convenience. And make it genuinely at your convenience - if it clashes with his football, or with any of his nights out, tough luck for him. It's your turn. (And I think you are owed quite a lot of "your turns".)

I bet he never double books himself on football evenings

I bet this, too.

Margaret it depends. Has this guy ever missed a game of football? Form the OP, it doesnt seem to be the case.
So why is it that he would be able to ALWAYS organise himself to be able to go for his football session but somehow the ONE TIME, the OP wants to go out, he is busy?
And why is it that he only told her in the am? Maybe to be sure that there was no way he could rearrange maybe???

Or take the baby with you and he can collect the baby on his way from his precious interview.

hermione, we're in total agreement - I also think that he's been a total twat and that it's no coincidence that it's his wife's plans, not his, that have been ruined by him not checking his diary. I just don't think telling him that he should cancel the appointment today is a realistic/helpful solution to give OP - just like you! As I said, I also think that him telling her this morning was unacceptable and possibly deliberate. But I think it's more helpful to the OP to talk about ways of making it clear that this must never happen again than to assume he can just cancel this interview right now.

Mine has form for this - DS is grown up now so no longer a problem.

His best ever was arranging a weekend away at short notice with friends over a May BH, which clashed with my girls' weekend away abroad that had been arranged & booked for months.

"Oh you can change yours - there isn't another suitable one for us" - er, no, I couldn't FFS

We made it work by importing his elderly parents to stay with DS who was about 12 at the time, with a helpful friend down the road "on call" in case there was a problem. He'd just assumed I'd back down

I gave up work to look after the kids about 10yrs ago. So yes I've become a 'lesser' person in the household. Myself and the kids and the household are now a support system for my husband and his job I'm afraid. Anything I do or want to do is very much in the background, his stuff is first and foremost.
Both of us are a factor in that situation arising. I don't think your OH is cold and calculating, he is just being enabled to treat his wife like a doormat like mine is...

Share a calendar like Outlook or Google, one which you're both synced to. That way you are both reminded of one another's events.

Your baby will not break. Get signed up with an agency like Sitters! Rates are good and there's an annual fee of £14. This is a reliable service and you can book a trustworthy, experienced sitter at short notice. I've been using a babysitting agency for 12 years. Do this. Really.

You and your DH are learning to be parents. Your baby is only a few months old and it's really easy (but wrong) for guys to just assume that you want to spend all of your spare time in BabyWorld. It's important that your social lifelines remain intact.
This is your DH's chance to learn that he must communicate with you and not be a thoughtless dick. I'm sure he's a lovely guy but a lot of husband's default setting is 'Me First'. Don't be a wallflower, OP. It's not about one partner having more freedom than the other.

The thing that confuses me OP is that he only mentioned needing to be late the day of the interview? Surely it would have been arranged days at least before. So he is being totally unreasonable.

ReanimatedSGB: my husband is totally respectful of us having equal time off. He is just disorganised and I would like to find a system which works - hence asking for practical tip of what apps people use. He frequently arranged childcare if he needs to do something work wise and I already have something arranged, work or otherwise. There is definitely give and take, I just wish we could have a better system of arranging it.

My DH would never pull this shit - because he is a decent person and also because I would go mental.

Remember quite abit of this nonsense in the early NCT days of having a PFB, women dropping out of rare nights out due to ineptitude of DHs. You need to nip it right in the bud OP you are not a drudge and your arrangements matter too.

Could you take the baby with you and tell him he'll need to come to the restaurant when finished and pick up baby from there?

He's done this deliberately. Time to get tough on scheduling in future and make sure you get more time out of the house.

My dh doesn’t do this either. He does make mistakes, as do I, but we work together and we have a mutual respect and equality.

Our relationship is conditional and mutual respect is a mandatory requirement. As it should be in any healthy relationship.

Oh god my heart would sink to my boots if a friend suggested bringing an 8 month old baby to a Christmas night out.

Bitoutofpractice yes me too. But if it was just for the first half an hour it would be ok I reckon.

He's a prick. It's his fuck up so he can find a solution/babysitter.

Totally taking you for granted, you need to nip this in the bud.