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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Horrified to find myself invited to TWO Christmas parties over the space of 3 days

21 replies

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 13/12/2017 01:57

I could cope with one. I get social anxiety and am also tightly budgeted.

What can I DOOOO!?

I don't want to go to either but one is very important to the mate who'se arranged it and the other, DH really wants us both to go together. :(

I want to stay in and read.

OP posts:

theimportanceofbeinghappy · 13/12/2017 02:08

Illness cough cough

Original poster

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 13/12/2017 02:32

I did think that but I can't miss the first...it would be upsetting for my friend....the second one, I'll upset DH!

OP posts:

OwtFerNowt · 13/12/2017 03:20

Could you use each one as an excuse for an early exit at the other? Go and show your face and then say, oh it can’t be a late one, got to go to other event on Sunday/still feeling rough after Friday?

araiwa · 13/12/2017 04:30

Dont go

OwtFerNowt · 13/12/2017 04:37

On second thoughts, your DH should understand how you feel shouldn’t he? Tell him you can’t go to his thing.

SD1978 · 13/12/2017 05:35

@OwtFerNowt- seems a little harsh that DH should have to accept it, but not the friend. If you can only face going to one. I’d chose the one with DH. He’s the one who supports your anxiety in a daily basis, and he’s asked you to attend something important to him, which I’m assuming he doesn’t do too often if this is a long standing issue. Can you go to both but limit your time- clearly state you’ll go for 2 hours and that’s it, so that you don’t feel you’re letting anyone down?

HuskyMcClusky · 13/12/2017 05:40

I’ve committed to going to two over the weekend that are both at neighbours’ houses.

This means I can’t even feign anything, as I’ll then be trapped in the house & they will probably knock on the door.

I feel your pain.

FabulousUsername · 13/12/2017 05:50

2 hours at each sounds a good idea! Any chance you could do some relaxation first or plan some chatting topics? Or plan a nice reward for yourself afterwards (such as bed & book). It might not be as bad as you fear!

Roystonv · 13/12/2017 05:59

You have my sympathies I would feel exactly the same but I usually find the dread of going worse than the event itself. I think you have to be brave and go to both as you can give a gift to two people you care about just by being there. Setting a time limit is a good idea; you can always stay longer! As for budgeting do you mean clothes?

HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 13/12/2017 06:01

I’ll go to one for you! I’m a Billy no mates due to my self imposed (illness related) exile. It is times like these that make me wish I was my old sociable self.
On a more helpful note, you mentioned being on a tight budget. What will make it expensive, taxis, bar? Can you get a friend to babysit, maybe a lift home? Oh and a few nips before setting out can get you in the party mood without breaking the bank.
I know you say you want to just stay in bed but there are hundreds of other nights to do that. I always think that the events you don’t want to go to turn out to be the most fun. Or possibly I’m just projecting 😄

user1497997754 · 13/12/2017 06:02

I would just be honest and tell the truth as to why you don't want to go...why lie...

Oblomov17 · 13/12/2017 06:09

Go to both. For a short time.

HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 13/12/2017 06:10

Damn, missed the vital part about social anxiety. In that case, will your DP understand if you don’t want to go? Or conpromise, go together but you leave after 30 minutes. Would that work?

Skittlesandbeer · 13/12/2017 06:23

A friend of mine is VERY introvert, and upfront about it. I always invite her round or to get-togethers (we host a lot). She lets me know honestly if she’s feeling up to it. If not, she’ll often come before it starts and help me set up and have a drink and a chat with me and dh/dd.

Then she sneaks away with no fuss. Social contract satisfied on both sides. Once she even took herself off to the cinema nearby, and came back after the film to help wash up! I didn’t even notice.

Maybe you could start cutting this kind of deal with your mates? I honestly think people aren’t offended once you are clear about how difficult you find it.

Another tactic might be to make quite a big entrance (for you), be as animated and friendly as you can, but with a strict (secret) time limit. Kind of ‘Go Hard AND Go Home’. I’d be tempted to do this one for DH’s party. He can choose to stay if he’s enjoying it.

Gaudeamus · 13/12/2017 06:28

I think it would be generous of you to go to both if you can manage it, because it does upset people if their friends don't come to their parties or if their partners don't want to go out with them (even though I identify all too much with your reasons). I'm sure they'd like to see you there for a bit, even if you leave early.

Give yourself some lovely long hours in bed with your book to recharge.

Skittlesss · 13/12/2017 07:38

Go to your friend's if you feel up to it and see how you feel on the day for your DH's. If you feel ok then go, if not then he can go on his own.

Stop stressing about it now. It's not worth it and you don't know how you'll feel on the day. So just put it on the calendar and then forget about it for now.

You have to or it will make things worse. I have anxiety too and have to keep myself in line or I will panic about everything xx

BarbarianMum · 13/12/2017 07:56

If dh said he wouldn't go tona Christmas party with me but went to a friend's instead, that would be a problem.

Oblomov17 · 13/12/2017 08:28

I'm holding a party next Thursday, as I do every year. People not turning up bothers me.

Nikephorus · 13/12/2017 09:30

Make a big entrance to both, walk in the direction of the back greeting everyone you see (even if you don't know them) with a cheery 'lovely to see you, catch you later' and exit through the back door! Everyone will swear you were there the whole time because they saw you & no-one will twig that they all saw you at the same time. And they'll just assume that you didn't catch up with them later because you were so busy being sociable with everyone else. You meanwhile are tucked up on the sofa in your jimjams.

user1497997754 · 13/12/2017 10:50

Nikephorus....love your post I will be def using your idea very soon...

Original poster

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 13/12/2017 11:03

Nike that's bloody genius!

It's so brilliantly weird it just might work!

OP posts:

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