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AIBU?

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Original poster

To send 6yo to bed ‘hungry’

86 replies

Singlebutmarried · 12/12/2017 20:46

Firstly hello all. I’ve been lurks by for a couple of weeks now and have been throughly entertained by Antique ram castrators and FTCFs.

My 6yo daughter is refusing to go to bed as she’s ‘hungry’

I’ve got to the stage where I’m fed up of her not eating all her dinner then asking for more half an hour later.

This has been going on for months.

Hubby works away mon- fri, she’s called him complaining about me and he’s now had a go says no I should just deal with it as he can’t parent from a different part of the country.

Proper peed off at the mo

OP posts:
Original poster
Singlebutmarried · 12/12/2017 21:41

@italiangreyhound

I did speak to the school when it all came to light, and they were pretty useless. I took their anti bullying policy in with me and read the relevant bits out. Turns out tho the little darlings GM works in the school office Angry

So, she’s on the transfer list to another school in our catchment area, which she asks about daily.

We’ve reassured her that she can tell any adult what is going on and she knows we’re doing what we can to get her moved.

The eating stuff started a bit later than the bullying, so possibly linked but not entirely sure.

We’re working on it

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 12/12/2017 21:45

"the little darlings GM works in the school office" this sounds like a clear case of favoruitsm then. It's not being addressed because his mum is staff. That is crap.

I know it must be so tough, just keep giving her the positive affirmation at home. I'd also (personally) have no qualms keeping her off school with stress and getting their attendance record a bit mucky, but I am horrible - and I work part time so could not do it that often!

Can you get her to report to the school office if anything happens, so the little shit's parent sees what he is doing? Or would that be too hard for her. This all make my blood boil. I am so sorry for her and you OP.

Just keep going and remember once she is out of there things will be better.

Whichschool2020 · 12/12/2017 21:45

DD is 8 and does this but the difference is she normally eats all her dinner. She’s not overweight and is very active so our rule is: dinner, a piece fruit then a small pudding.

Bath etc. then one small heathy snack such as a plain yogurt, bagel and marmite, milk and toast etc. if left to her own devices she would eat loads of snacks so we had to introduce a one snack rule.

Italiangreyhound · 12/12/2017 21:46

His grandma, sorry.

I know the two did not start at same time but I think it is likely they are linked. (I have been known to be wrong of course!)

All the best, Thanks

HotelEuphoria · 12/12/2017 21:49

Depends what time she has her dinner. As kids we always ate by 5, depending on bedtime supper was an essential but usually a digestive and milk or a slice of toast.

another20 · 12/12/2017 21:49

Maybe focus on her anxiety (ongoing bullying and anything else) - often anxious kids who feel unsettled seek to ground themselves by attempting to control their environment by certain (controlling) behaviours, in this case possibly being scared of being alone (going to bed) so seeking food from you as a distraction?

If she is still experiencing verbal harassment that is still significant bullying and needs to be addressed by the school asap.

Does she know she is moving schools - is she absorbing or reflecting any distress you have over the situation?

Or if it is just on gym nights maybe she is unable to eat / has no appetite for straight from training?

JamPasty · 12/12/2017 21:49

Honestly you need to be in the school complaining every single day that the bullying goes on. If I was being bullied every day I wouldn't want to go to bed, or have much of an appetite at regular meal times either.

Original poster
Singlebutmarried · 12/12/2017 21:50

Thanks for all the input

The really nice lady in the school office is leaving soon, so it’ll be a new face after Christmas, so I’m not sure if she’ll feel able to take herself off up there.

I’d honestly not thought about reintroducing the bed time snack. I guess I feel she goes to bed late enough (due to her gym training) as it is so possibly trying to stick to a non possible bed time??

Gah!

OP posts:
Original poster
Singlebutmarried · 12/12/2017 21:53

@jampasty the school could not be less interested if they tried, sadly it’s not just my DD that is suffering.

There’s a little band of them in the year (there are 80 kids in the school year so quite a large school) that have banded together and ‘protect’ each other, so one positive thing is that she’s made some really solid friends.

OP posts:
Original poster
Singlebutmarried · 12/12/2017 21:54

@another20

She scoffs like a champ after gym, yet still requests more food at bedtime.

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 12/12/2017 21:57

Singlebutmarried you've got to make the school care. Start a facebook year page and share stories about bullying. no kids names, just the name of the school and how shit they are at dealing with it. Or at least threaten to. Write ot Ofsted and the local MP. They are failing in their duty of care. Before you write any letter speak to head and say, as you are failing to deal with this, this is what I am doing. Or ask for a meeting and ask to record the meeting, where you hear them promise nothing, and you can keep as evidence. Or they promise and do not deliver.

My ideas, may be shit, but I offer them just as ideas. I'd ask your dd what she wants you to do then do it. As long as it is not physical violence. (Take advice from someone before following my ideas, I am typing angry, never a good idea!!)

Thanks
Original poster
Singlebutmarried · 12/12/2017 22:00

@italian. You honestly couldn’t make the stuff up that goes on, and these are the 6/7 yos

Some quite nasty racial abuse towards one child, and another because his DSD has passed away. Honestly some of these kids are awful.

OP posts:
Whichschool2020 · 12/12/2017 22:00

DD is 8 and does this but the difference is she normally eats all her dinner. She’s not overweight and is very active so our rule is: dinner, a piece fruit then a small pudding.

Bath etc. then one small heathy snack such as a plain yogurt, bagel and marmite, milk and toast etc. if left to her own devices she would eat loads of snacks so we had to introduce a one snack rule.

Luckymummy22 · 12/12/2017 22:01

I have a 6 year old girl............
She’s always starving yet never eats her dinner.
She goes to school “absolutely starving” and bed too despite me always offering her plenty of food at mealtimes.
She’ll learn the hard way!!

Original poster
Singlebutmarried · 12/12/2017 22:02

And there will be a letter to ofsted. Once I’ve moved her, since reporting the bullying the way she’s been treated by the school has changed, lots more focus on what she needs to improve on (I know she’s not perfect) but seems like a deflection tactic, and I know I’m not the only parent to that no this.

OP posts:
MsHarry · 12/12/2017 22:08

Keep the uneaten dinner so she can eat it if hungry. No special food.

JamPasty · 12/12/2017 22:10

How long until you can move schools? I would honestly consider keeping her off until then as being the victim of bullying is soul destroying. In the mean time i'd not make food the hill you want to battle on. Introduce hot milk as a bedtime snack, and also try to make sure she's not going to sleep every night worrying about the next day. I know I would be :(

Darcychu · 12/12/2017 22:11

Err maybe she likes to eat a little bit at dinner and then a little bit later on when the food has digested?

it doesnt have to be a big deal, maybe she has a quick metabolism and so her tummy empties quicker making her feel a bit peckish quicker, just offer smaller amounts at dinner and then a snack like a sandwich or fruit or yogurt before bed.

ratspeaker · 12/12/2017 22:14

How about introducing "supper" say half an hour before bedtime?
Pre empt the "Im hungry"
Basically a small snack of a biscuit with milk, or cocoa, or toast, fruit, crackers , yoghurt, et etc.
Or even cereal with milk.

Ask her to choose between a couple of items, you offer a choice of two
Get her to choose the drink , say milk or juice

It gives her the feeling of control

Original poster
Singlebutmarried · 12/12/2017 22:17

@darcychu

As I said above I’d honestly not thought about reintroducing the bedtime snack.

You know the meme of school days vs holiday days of meals and snacks? Our DD will have a snack once home from school, and be badgering constantly for food (think she’s learned this from the 🐶) til dinner time (or tea time depending on your location).

Will start bedtime snack again tomorrow and see how it goes from there.

@jampasty

The school she’s on the list for is full (cos it’s fab) so we’re literally waiting for someone to move out of the area, so 🚙 by her off isn’t an option. She’s been on the wait list since Easter.

Hopefully it’ll help

OP posts:
Original poster
Singlebutmarried · 12/12/2017 22:19

And can I just say, your suggestions have been very helpful.

I tend to mull it over (sadly the dog isn’t much of a conversationalist) so end up going round in circles.

I’m quite liking the idea of supper

OP posts:
speakout · 12/12/2017 22:24

When I was a child the whole family would have " supper", including grown ups.

Dinner was around 5.30, then we would have milk and toast or a banana, adults would have tea or horlicks.
I always remember it feeling comforting to have a snack before bedtime.
I tried it with my own kids- when babies just milk, but as older childrenwould be a warm drink with toast or a crumpet or half a bagel with peanut butter etc.
It sent them to sleep with a dozy satisfied look on their face.

I have always found a cozy snack before bed makes for easier bedtimes.

carefreeeee · 12/12/2017 22:27

8 hours of gym training sounds a lot for a 6 yo. Is she in some kind of special training programme? Does she really need to do that much of it?

Italiangreyhound · 12/12/2017 22:28

could you hoe school until she moves or do you work outside the home? the school sounds absolute shit.

Angry
Italiangreyhound · 12/12/2017 22:29

home school.