To send 6yo to bed ‘hungry’

[Singlebutmarried]

Firstly hello all. I’ve been lurks by for a couple of weeks now and have been throughly entertained by Antique ram castrators and FTCFs.

My 6yo daughter is refusing to go to bed as she’s ‘hungry’

I’ve got to the stage where I’m fed up of her not eating all her dinner then asking for more half an hour later.

This has been going on for months.

Hubby works away mon- fri, she’s called him complaining about me and he’s now had a go says no I should just deal with it as he can’t parent from a different part of the country.

Proper peed off at the mo

Sometime I don't eat all my dinner and hungry before bed.

I think we need to pick our battles, especially over food.

If you served a smaller meal and a snack before bed maybe that would help.
My kids enjoyed supper before bed, so a glass of milk or cocoa, banana on toast, crumpet, something of that kind.

I found it helped them get to sleep quicker and stay asleep.

Bananas. If they say they are hungry at bedtime the only thing on offer here are bananas.

Announced she. Not anniversary

This phone is mental

My DC get a choice of plain crackers or nothing if they’re clamouring for food at bedtime.

It’s not exciting food, but if they’re genuinely hungry, they’ll eat it.

I've always been a 'little and often' eater. Can't eat masses at one sitting but may be hungry again a while later. Could she be like that? If so, would it be too difficult to do as PPS suggested and offer fruit or toast?

OP don't let this become an issue.

She senses your frustration. She knows this is about control.

Relax over the situation, find some fun, make mealtimes enjoyable.
At 6 she can be cooking with you.

I'd keep the dinner and offer it again., or offer bread and butter or fruit.

I've never knowingly send my kids to bed hungry and I would not choose to.

"It’s an ongoing battle, im pretty sure it’s because she doesn’t want to go to bed." why do you think that is?

I'd rather get to the bottom and see what is going on. Is she scared about going to bed, bored, angry, upset? Is she worried about the next day at school. Or is she just playing you up.

Five night of bread and better and she will be less inclined, I think.

I'd also move dinner time to half an hour earlier, and tell her why, and not move it back until all is well.

I might even use the phrase "It's your own time you're wasting!"

is she getting enough protein? The other 'alf and I tend to feel hungry shortly after a carby meal. Risotto (unless with full-on stock) can be quite light

Nose was turned up at fruit and toast
She had her beady eye on a Freddie frog in the cupboard

(All sweets and advent calendars now removed from house)

She used to be fab with eating, but issues have arisen over the last year. We’re working on getting her moved school (child was beating her) but there’s a waiting list.

Talk about the next day, what is she excited about, anything she is worried about. Maybe she is not worried about anything (you say) but if she were, what might it. If she is young enough you could say "If teddy was going to school tomorrow what would he be worried about?"

If she finds the work too hard or is being bullied or excluded, even just a little bit picked on, then the feelings of fear may make her tummy hurt and her not want to eat. She may be doing this non-eating as a way to tell you.

Good luck, be extra receptive even though, I am sure, it is pain.

Good luck.

Do you mean actually beating her?!

If so, is she putting off going to bed (and sleep) cos she's worried about facing the next day?

We have been having exactly the same thing with my ds over the last month or two.

After an epic EPIC tantrum one night we agreed a 'house rule' - he can ask for food before he goes upstairs, and I will remind him just before we go, but once he has gone upstairs then that's it until the morning.

He had previously got to enjoy the fact that dh would run up and down with a biscuit or something tasty, and he was of course trying to delay bed.

He has been going through a growth spurt recently, so I don't doubt he was hungry on some of the nights, but it was causing a massive problem, and we seemed to have cracked it with this rule!

@italiangreyhound

Have you been a fly on our wall, that phrase gets used all the time.

Mealtimes depends on what day it is, she does 8 hours of gymnastics 🤸‍♀️ training a week. So it’s not always possible to move the meal time.

On those days she’ll have a pasta snack before hand, a sandwich or crackers at gym and a meal when she gets home.....which she’ll eat some of......and then at bed time ask for more food.

At the moment the extra food is requested as soon as it’s time to climb the wooden hill, so I’m a bit skeptical as to whether she actually is hungry or just yanking my chain.

But with just me here it’s hard to always see the light at the end of the tunnel

I remember when I was a kid, I found the lack of control over food really hard. We get to goose what we eat, and when we eat it. Kids don’t. They have to eat what is good can, at the times that it’s given. That can be really difficult. Maybe try giving her some control back over her own food choices

*choose (what we eat)
(Eat what is) *given

Stupid autocorrect

My dd has a small appetite even now at 13. We do eat our dinner early too as it suits my dh work hours, I always save her dinner if she enjoyed it and it is something that reheats ok. Or I would give her a small supper.

I wouldn’t be giving her reheated rice for sure.

@rainatnight

Yep the delightful little sod was hitting her at every available opportunity.

He’s still in the same class as her and her teacher this year (this all happened in yr1) had not been told of any issues between DD and the little sod.

So I know there’s issues there, the school aren’t interested in dealing with it though it seems. New teacher is now aware and they are kept apart in class, but he still torments her verbally at break times.

My eldest pulls this. I leave his left over tea in microwave. He has until 30mins before his bedtime to eat it then it's no food.

@hiphop she did actually choose tonight’s dinner and she more often than not has a choice between 2/3 options, and if she can she’ll help me cook.

Well she did until a couple of weeks ago, we’ve just refitted the kitchen and she’s not used to the gas stove yet so slowly introducing her to that.

I don't think this is about food as such. Its about control and like you say delaying bedtime. Really hard for you when you're parenting alone plus you feel undermined. Stand firm. Decide what you are going to do about this and then stick to it. Lots of suggestiins here but you need to do whats right for you and your daughter. You will likely have 3 evenings of hell while she resists then she will accept whatever new boundary you have put in place. Big hug good luck

Singlebutmarried I've no idea if she could be hungry, if she is doing a lot of physical activity then maybe. But a pasta snack sounds filling.

Sorry I must have cross posed with your post about bullying, or only read page one!

I am so sorry she is being bullied at school. Can you ask to see school bullying anti-policy etc and make a big fuss. I hope you can get her moved soon. I would not worry about the food issue until she is moved or this is sorted. I'd also write to Ofsted as the school are not dealing with this. I'd tell the school you will write to Ofsted. No idea if this will make any difference. This is really sad, sorry to hear.

I guess the thing to try & work out is if she is genuinely hungry or is she trying it on to postpone bedtime or is she asking for food to delay bedtime and the fact that that leads to tomorrow.
DC have tea at the cm at 5pm, a bit of fruit and a chunk of cheese when they get home at 6pm and DS will often have a bowl of weetabix at 7pm just before he goes to bed. It's not just that you can see his ribs but that he is knobbly all over so I'm delighted to feed him. It hasn't become an issue as, after a week of him asking for food once he was in bed, we introduced the cereal at bedtime so it became a regular part of what we do and doesn't impact on timing.

The food sounds like something she can control. I would find ways to give her back control on the bullying, if possible, like her writing with your help to headteacher to ask why the head teacher cannot stop this. Let her feel in control of something other than food.

YANBU. She's not going to starve to death.