Anxiety as an excuse

[Nelly5678]

Don't get me wrong! I know some people genuinely have anxiety issues, but is it just me or has suddenly in the past year everyone "has an anxiety disorder" the second they feel nervous over the slightest thing??? It's really starting to annoy me how people blame eveything on their anxiety, when all I wanna do is scream at them that they don't have anxiety!!! I can't be the only one...?

Anxiety takes many shapes and forms. If you met me you'd think I was a very confident person and wouldn't believe I have anxiety. But I do.

Every single thing I say and do is continually over analysed in my head, over and over. Until I feel like I've done or said the wrong things. I then convince myself that nobody likes me and are laughing behind my back. Any social situation is daunting to the point where I will get no sleep the night before and have a breakdown before the event. I'm also over anxious about having bad thoughts. Sometimes I think to myself 'I cant wait for DD to go to bed tonight' I then panic and think that DD wont wake up because of what I thought. Its horrible.

Oldbutstillgotit - I am a Jobcentre Manager with 12 Work Coach staff . According to them about 75% of their claimants say they are unable to work due to anxiety . How do you prove/ disprove ?

oliveinacampervan - 75%? Ok then.

The big difference is that those genuinely suffering with anxiety will try to carry on living a normal life, taking meds and other therapies. In the JobCentre scenario it is used as a convenient excuse NOT to work/train/aviod sanctions. The whole point there is it is easy to mimic and difficult to disprove.

YY to carrying on. I have had 1 hours sleep due to anxiety and am feeling awful about having to do a presentation this morning. When I get to work I will put my RADA hat on and deliver, hopefully, an oscar winning performance and nobody will be any the wiser. Then I'll leave work, walk across the car park trying not to have a panic attack, and sit in the car trying not to cry.

Oldbutstillgotit - I am a Jobcentre Manager with 12 Work Coach staff . According to them about 75% of their claimants say they are unable to work due to anxiety . How do you prove/ disprove

Whats the problem? You tell them to get on with it and find a job or their benefits will be stopped. Thats what happens now so why pretend it doesn't

My DD had only been dead a few months after two years of horrific illness and treatment and I had PTSD.
Job Centre didn't give a fuck. I had to find a job and fast.

So so what if thousands of people claim they have anxiety? It makes no difference. Real or faking they will get told to find a job or fuck off.

If the system doesn't believe a grieving mother with a dx why would it believe anyone else?

So lets not pretend the system is clogged with scroungers with anxiety disorders. That would indicate the system give a fuck about mental health.

The big difference is that those genuinely suffering with anxiety will try to carry on living a normal life, taking meds and other therapies

Nah. Those with real anxiety won't be able to get to the Job Centre to organised benefits because they can't leave the house due to the anxiety. I can't claim Jobseekers because I can't go to the interviews and I can't sign on every two weeks, so I don't get a penny.

Those of you getting pissy about the OP, how do you genuinely feel when someone you know says they ‘have anxiety’ when you know they don’t?

Yes I know here on MN we shouldn’t take any personal experience of the person into consideration, it’s all based on what they say and any made up back story a stranger can think up - but doesn’t it annoy you just a tiny bit? That someone who isn’t struggling gets worried abour something that anyone would get worried about, or says they can’t do something they don’t want to do because anxiety - that doesn’t offend you or annoy you? Because it does me. Petty, but it irritates when someone with a mild headache claims a migraine and goes home - because my migraines are completely debilitating, I can’t speak and just have to sleep it off with the aid of strong painkillers. Why does it irritate you more for someone to say that people take advantage of unseen illnesses to avoid stuff they don’t want to do, than those people actually doing it? because as much as you might want to excuse them or give the benefit of the doubt, it’s a fact that some people will do that!

Get on with it

Ah thanks, tartan! I'm now cured of a serious mental illness! You've done what years of professional help couldn't!

It's a Christmas miracle!

I've had anxiety ever since I was a small child - I have social anxiety. I was almost mute throughout school terrified to speak to people. It has obviously had a massive impact on my life and meant I have few friends and am more lonely than others. The loneliness then also makes me more anxious! I know some people who are naturally upbeat and extrovert and confident and I think their brains must be wired so different to mine. Anti-depressants and CBT therapy have improved things for me but I am always prone to depression and anxiety and have to fight against it.

OP. I’m with you. Everyone’s anxious. The world. Politics. Kids. Job. Lack of job. Elderly parents. Partenr. Lack of. Kids. Lack of. It’s a human condition. Get on with it. But that won’t win the popular vote on here.
Oh thanks! I'm cured!
Clearly I don't need medication as it's just a human condition!
No idea

Valerrie me too

Have you ever had anxiety OP, or have any comprehension of how debilitating it can be - including full-on panic attacks?

An excuse for what? Feeling anxious?

You see it a lot on MN.

Why is that?

I think it's because it's now ok to admit it and that's fine in my book.

It's a very real thing for a lot of people and knowing someone who has this last weekend had an awful episode (for want of a better word) due to various reasons I think you're being a little unreasonable. You can't really understand that gripping feeling of fear/upset you get about something that freezes you and makes you physically unable to do something if you've never had it. I don't think it's as straight forward as you perhaps imagine.

Do you also think all kids with SN are just naughty too?

I have noticed a huge upswing in numbers of students with 'anxiety' as their disability at university, the past two years in particular.

I'm supportive of students with depression and anxiety and have worked with lots of students to make sure their mental health issues don't overwhelm them and they are able to graduate.

My only worry is that it is becoming a reason not to do things, to the extent I am concerned they are missing out on skills and participation- so for example, they are allowed not to attend class (which normally they would), not be asked direct questions in class, only do presentations to staff and not to the whole group and so on. On the one hand this is good in that it keeps people with severe disorders participating as much as possible and circumvents some of their worst fears. On the other hand, going into a workplace with little or no experience of speaking in groups, or doing presentations feels like a failure on the part of their university when we are supposed to be encouraging these skills.

It is not one or two students per cohort, it's several students per class. It also makes it hard to run seminars as you can't ask anyone anything (unless you can remember who is the person you aren't supposed to ask anything, but there's too many now to remember that in large classes).

All in all, it does seem like an epidemic of this particular issue right now, for a reason I'm not sure of. I don't doubt, by the way, that the students are very anxious, and have mental health difficulties- I just feel sad that there are such large numbers of them now, and also concerned whether our response should be 'just don't participate then' although I know many actually battle on even though they feel awful.

I suffer from panic disorder and general anxiety disorder - this is VERY different from being anxious and has altered my life dramatically. I am medicated and have been through a multitude of therapies which have managed to control it (for the moment at least).

I agree with the OP insofar as people assuming they "suffer from anxiety" when actually what they are experiencing is a perfectly normal reaction to situations and events - actual anxiety/panic is an abnormal reaction to what to everyone else can seem like absolutely nothing and is utterly debilitating.

Yanbu, everyone lately claims to have it. I have heard so many people talking about their 'anxiety' for things that are just being nervous about something and perfectly normal and a one off event. I think it minimises the actial debilitating anxiety others deal with daily.

To be honest it doesn't worry me. I don't mind people saying they have anxiety as it makes me less ashamed of my own too. I know I'm genuine and its pointless trying to think about those self diagnosing (even though thats what I did) etc. When someone I love says they have anxiety I often hope they are just a bit worried and I hope to God they don't feel like me. I don't have space in my head to add anger at people saying these things or to add even more worries.

Its very complex too I think - For example, a colleague said she was suicidal. I doubt she was suicidal in the sense I've experienced knowing she was back at work within 2 days. I'm sure she was very very unhappy , depressed even, had fleeting thoughts perhaps. I don't think she made active plans as I have previously.. but those feelings were real to her and probably bloody frightening and thats her experience of feeling suicidal and thats OK (well it isnt OK to feel that way but you know). God willing she won't ever get to the stage of actively planning or attempting. She might well have felt worse than I believe though and to be honest it's not my place to judge being that I have no degree in medicine or experience of being a psychiatrist.

As I said, its not worth the headspace and if only I could say that about everything!!

Also think the idea of 'that offends me' is lost but that's another thread entirely.

Trees I think exposure should be encouraged with support in place. Its hard but to get better you have to show yourself there's nothing to be frightened of and you can only do that with exposure. I'm a student and the other sat in a hall with 300 others, that was an exposure exercise and also an exam and it worked in my favour. Last nigjt however I had major panic attacks and I know university will help me with that if I ask. Think it has to go both ways and you are very right that these adjustments just don't exist in the workplace.

I’m on the fence about this. I think the issue is that so many people are self diagnosing anxiety anytime they feel a bit worried that those actually with anxiety are treated with suspicion.

My concern is the number of young people that are suffering with anxiety. It wasn’t something that I ever encountered at school yet many of DDs peers have anxiety. Perhaps it’s a product of today’s society and the influence of social media.

shouldnthavesaid I agree that letting the student try out, for want of a better word, different scenarios and push themselves occasionally is the way forward. Most of the students I know do that and are highly motivated to join in/not wanting to be different. I do think though that not addressing/asking a student anything ever in class is probably a step too far- just because if you don't encourage the quieter students, the dominant talkative ones take over. I don't ever ask anyone now, though, directly, just hope they volunteer. This means at least a couple of students in my seminar have never ever spoken.

I think that some of those who would have been diagnosed with depression in the past are now diagnosed with anxiety as there's more awareness of the co-morbidity/cross-over between the two. That's just what I notice from the notices we get about student needs -although their actual diagnosis isn't labelled, it says something like 'X may panic when in learning situations'.

I think a lot of students do find uni hard and put a lot of pressure on themselves to succeed, and this is how it manifests.

" It doesn't challenge the stigma much to declare that you had PND with a demanding infant (which is increasingly socially understood and accepted already)"

I can remember when Post Natal depression was talked about similar to how anxiety has been on this thread.

Women were accused of jumping on the bandwagon and many would say that it was pure laziness and the Women were looking for a new excuse.

Older Women in the 80's would claim that it wasn't around in their day in the numbers that were starting to come forward and ask for help.

I do think that SM and the lifestyle that younger people are told that they can have is increasing anxiety, as is drug use. But a lot is people now admitting what they are going through.

trees, I work in a university and see this trend too. While the intentions are good, we can end up facilitating avoidant behaviour which reinforces the anxiety and increases learned helplessness.

That's in no way denying the debilitating effects of severe anxiety or the efforts so many people to push on through. It's saying that if we don't encourage people to push on through (where possible - not saying it always is), particularly as young adults when they are meant to be learning these skills, we're not doing them any favours.

shouldnt, the exposure exercise sounds like a good way of helping people to learn the coping skills, and it's positive that you know you can get help if you need it.

What is "anxiety"? I'm not really sure what it is? My DS is ASD and he is more anxious/stressy about stuff than the usual child. Is that "anxiety"?

There is definitely an outbreak of "anxiety" in my workplace but again I am unclear as to exactly what it means.

I occasionally have panic attacks, where I hyperventilate and feel my heart racing, but that is for very specific reasons but someone else I was speaking to described something very similar as "their anxiety".

So what exactly is it?