Anxiety as an excuse

[Nelly5678]

Don't get me wrong! I know some people genuinely have anxiety issues, but is it just me or has suddenly in the past year everyone "has an anxiety disorder" the second they feel nervous over the slightest thing??? It's really starting to annoy me how people blame eveything on their anxiety, when all I wanna do is scream at them that they don't have anxiety!!! I can't be the only one...?

I think it's a bit like the 'mental health epidemic' that we apparently have. Actually I think it's that there has always been anxiety and mental health problems but that many people in the past (me included) did not understand what was going on, how to articulate it or that these feelings even had a name. 19 year old me had no idea why I felt sad, scared and silent - I had no idea at the time that this was depression.

Now thankfully people feel that they are able to be open about how they feel and they know that what they are feeling has a name. A huge rise in mental health problems and anxiety is probably much to do with people just being so much more aware and less ashamed. I wish I had been 22 years ago.

I know people who suffer from anxiety and I know how much it effects their life.

However, I also know some people who say they have anxiety, and these are the same people who used to be "a little bit OCD" about how the jars in their cupboards were organised or something and hence would say they suffered from OCD.

There do seem to be a number of people who say they have anxiety hence they cannot do x,y,z. but have not once even gone to their GP about this.

My default however would always to believe them but I do think those who self diagnose (and in my experience probably are not) then lead to problems for those who do suffer from the real mental health problems.

As you then end up with "oh everyone ruddy has anxiety now" and people rolling their eyes.

"I have my driving test tomorrow - my anxiety is through the roof" - you're just nervous, surely?

"I'm meeting friends for a coffee tomorrow, I don't know what I should wear or what time I should set off. Where should I park? What if there is so parking and I'm late? Maybe I should set off earlier just to be sure? But then what if I'm too early? What if I have to park miles away then what I'm wearing won't be suitable for walking in? What if they're dressed totally different to me? What do I even order when I get there? Do I get a coffee? What if I order food and nobody else does? What if I can't think of anything to talk about or say something stupid? I really wish I didn't have to go - maybe I shouldn't go? ... " - fair enough, you have anxiety.

It's actually something I only hear about on MN. I don't seem to know anyone in RL who has anxiety.

Does seem common on here though.

I do think that "I have anxiety" is often used as a get-out/reminder to people that they shouldn't disagree with someone.

We do seem to e.g. Get quite a lot of threads on here where someone outlines a ridiculous situation where clearly the OP is in the wrong and posters would generally disagree with them which are then either started or finished with the words "I suffer from anxiety." As if that somehow makes a difference.

Anxiety as a diagnosable condition does obviously exist but there is a vast difference between having anxiety for which you have to take medication and having situations which may make you anxious.

Also, it's possible to talk about anxiety without it needing to be a diagnosed or medicated condition.

I currently have a life-limiting heart condition. Any level of stress or anything which makes me anxious causes an adrenaline rush which in turn causes my heart rate to go up, me to become breathless and on a bad day unable to function. This means that in general I do have to avoid becoming stressed where possible as these can cause me to become anxious in this way. I would however never dream of claiming that I suffer from anxiety because I don't on a day to day basis.

Although my teenager might like to remember that I shouldn't be stressed and as such might like to tidy his bedroom/wash the dishes/not ask me for any more money. .

I think the level of understanding and compassion will be based on personal experience of it all.

I agree OP

I do know people who talk about suffering from 'anxiety', when what they actually mean is they're feeling anxious about something - which is perfectly natural.

It does minimise real anxiety disorders imo.

A bit like when people say they're 'depressed' when they mean 'down'

Or they're being 'bullied' when they're just being mildly teased.

I am anxious by nature but I don't suffer from anxiety if that makes sense?

I have a rational side that kicks my arse quite frequently when I start to worry

I think it would be a positive thing if mental health illnesses were less of a taboo and if we could talk about them with out fear of judgement and ridicule.
I have anxiety, I don't just worry about things or get a bit nervous, I wake up with a jolt at stupid o'clock, my heart pounding and my stomach in knots for no real reason.
I over think everything and have horrible invasive thoughts that I have no control over.
There is no way of anyone else knowing if I have real anxiety issues or if I am just jumping on the bandwagon.
I agree with the pp who suggested being kind to people who are anxious.

You do see it a lot on here, So I kind of get where the op is coming from.

However in real life, no I don’t see this. In fact I don’t know anyone who suffers from anxiety or maybe more accurately openly admits to it, or appears to suffer from it.

It’s not outwith the realms of possibility that a lot of people on Internet forums such as this do suffer from anxiety. Hence the heavy mention of it, How many threads do we see from people who don’t want to socialise, have no friends, hate having guests, don’t want to stay at someone’s home, don’t even answer their doors and often it’s they say because it makes them anxious.

So I think if you’re going by what you see on here, it’s a small percentage of the population and there could well be a high proportion within that small percentage who do suffer from anxiety.

I agree OP! Some people genuinely have it which I understand but it does seem to be that 90% of people I speak to seem to say they have it, maybe they actually do we don't know or maybe people are just worried/stressed! I think Zoella and other similar YouTubers almost influence teenagers to have anxiety these days

I would imagine people feel able to say they have it on an anonymous talk forum but not so much in RL because people might not understand.

People in RL don't always say.

Maybe more people are getting diagnosed because more people are aware of what anxiety actually is and it’s not just hyperventilating?

You sound lovely either way OP......

I have anxiety. It isn't just feeling nervous. It's all an encompassing fear that I or someone I love is in inmmenet serious danger either from me or someone else, 24/7, and it makes me tremble, sweat, vomit and I bite my forearms until they're bruised (have permanent nerve damage) or burn them/scratch them until I feel 'grounded'. I've spent my life from age 16 in and out of outpatient psychiatric care and have had several loads of counselling.

It isn't just feeling frightened of an exam, a medical appointment, that's normal. I cant even sit and watch the fucking TV some nights because I'm so frightened I'm in immediate danger of developing some sort of serious health condition. Standing in a supermarket, railway station, shop, next to a busy road, terrifies me. I take pictures of every plug in my bedroom and check 3 times that I've turned off everything. I've been 30 minutes on a bus and gone back just to check my cooker is off. That's an anxiety disorder - when a normal emotive response becomes so hard wired you feel it 24/7.

I don't tell people because I'm scared they'll laugh - so I bloody hide indoors instead and say I feel ill. I have chronic pelvic pain, which they think anxiety makes worse, but I self medicate the anxiety with codeine.

My mum is a very anxious person, takes psychogenic seizures, has had ECT and post traumatic amnesia. My gran doesn't leave her house much. My other gran took her own life. Several relatives been inpatients. I think it's a learned response from life events and mirroring what you see (my mum never left the house when we were kids and I believed there was something out there we should be frightened of - my mum had good reason to be scared, with me its more irrational).

You can manage it though to some extent. Very, very, very difficult but I've managed to hold down a FT job, move home, just need a lot more help doing so than other people do.

My grandmother said I'm lazy and I'd be a bad mother because of the anxiety - I don't agree with either of those.

suddenly in the past year everyone "has an anxiety disorder"

I wonder whats happened in the last year that could possibly have caused a general increase in anxiety
For the first time in my life I'm on medication for anxiety due to an accumulation of events (both personal, national and international) in the last year. I suspect quite a few of my fellow EU citizen living in the UK could say the same thing.

I’d never mention my anxiety to anyone in real life like I’d never mention my other issues, most people don’t talk about their mental health in real life and it’s partially down to people not believing them and there being a massive stigma.

I talk about my anorexia and anxiety on here sometimes and on a private twitter, I’d NEVER talk about it to anyone in person although obviously people know about it, it’s pretty obvious (the ED anyway)

I've just realised I've ranted and er, not even answered the original post.. sorry :( silly me.

I know what you mean. Lots more people are saying 'they suffer from anxiety' when they may feel anxious once in a while. It goes along with the current trend for labelling everything.

Buyt the modenr life - the internet social media etc - has been shown to increase anxiety so maybe more people are anxious than ever before.

I don't know how to feel about it really. In a way it's a relief that the word is getting more mundane. I've been on medications to anxiety (and other issues) for nearly 20 years, but it's only fairly recently that I care little enough of other people's opinion that I might honestly say I won't/don't do something because of my anxiety, instead of making up other excuses. I don't really care if it means people will assume I'm just "one of those people saying it" or take me seriously. It's true and I'm bored of lying.

@sunnycoco I’m glad you’re better. Do you mind me asking what worked?

I sort of agree with you OP. I genuinely have anxiety, to the point that everyday tasks can feel absolutely overwhelming and make me shake. I needed the toilet the other day and we were near somewhere with a toilet I could have used but the sheer thought of going in somewhere I hadn't been before made me feel panicked and I made OH drive 10 minutes to his mum's instead. I can't go shopping on my own or go get a haircut. I recently graduated from uni and was sick because of the thought of getting up on stage in front of people. There's a huge difference between feeling anxious about something and having anxiety and the term does seem to be thrown about a lot more. However, I'm not qualified to make the judgment as to who does or doesn't have it and it may just be that we're hearing more about it because mental health is gradually becoming less stigmatised.

I've "had an anxiety disorder" (multiple, actually) since I was a child. It's only in recent years that I've started to talk about it as it's been more socially acceptable. My aunt and grandmother "suffer terribly with their nerves" but are NOT mentally ill but, although officially undiagnosed, I believe suffer from at least one that I suffer from (especially as it's known to be hereditary).

There is a tendency, especially with Americans, to say they are "having major anxiety" rather than being nervous, which is obviously different - but I've scarcely heard it being using it as an excuse not to do things in that context.

There is also, of course, the difference in society compared to say 50 years ago where people feel a lot more pressure to feel good and happy all the time - and therefore get anxious (what am I doing wrong if I'm not happy all the time? Am I no good?) or depressed (what's the point in trying if things can't be perfect? I'm never going to 'be successful' so why try?) whereas in the past it was certainly more understood that things were not always blissful.

Obviously I'm over simplifying all of this but it's definitely a factor. I don't think anxiety is the "new bad back" as I've heard people say, but perhaps I'm sensitive as I feel it diminishes my needs as an anxious person.

It's just you, op. And , it seems a couple of other posters on here.

Lots of people self-diagnose all the time. My DS has severe ASD (special school, non-verbal until 6 etc) and I often get people who tell me they know a friend's DC has ASD but didn't need a diagnosis. Other people use OCD and PTSD without knowing the impact it can have on sufferers' lives.

I have anxiety and have to take a heavy dose of antipsychotics -even then I cannot prepare my own food or touch it and if I become anxious about it I will be sick. I'm sick every day and have been for 20 years which has led to long term incontinence issues, oesophagus problems, chronic gland inflammation. I have a doctorate and haven't worked for seven years. I can't leave the house on my own or go to unexpected or unknown places.

However, if I don't take them I get so distressed start to vomit until I collapse and admitted to hospital with kidney issues. I also start to suffer psychotic breaks due to the stress and need to have intervention. I've tried a couple of talking therapies but the NHS does not have the resources to treat someone with my degree of trauma and so I'm medicated for life.

I often get people who tell me how they can relate to my anxiety because they get nervous before an interview or a social occasion. I only get fleetingly annoyed because I realise it's not a competition who is the most anxious or depressed and I try to show some compassion.

I often get people who tell me how they can relate to my anxiety because they get nervous before an interview or a social occasion. I only get fleetingly annoyed because I realise it's not a competition who is the most anxious or depressed and I try to show some compassion.

I agree with this JJXM. It's not a competition. Sorry you're had such a shit time. Sounds similar to mine. (The antipsychotics are a real catch 22 with their side effects for me, but it's that or crises) I had good NHS support in the past, but the past 7ish years seem to have seen all specialist support beyond CBT disappear. Luckily I've found a great private therapist to work with long term.